Gulf War II - The screenplay

No guns on the very small boats (very cheap for short productions, too: just three men crew on them). For more action, we could take the other class (which I like more): 15 crew and one small gun (shooting potatoes, more or less).


For Schröder ... well, I suppose, he doesn't want a stuntman.

There simply HAS TO BE a role in this production for Schwartzeneger ... something involving glistening pecs and heavy automatic weapons. Then too, Sigourney does that part well. I think sex, blood, and explosions do so much to SELL a film. I think Costner might do a credible turn as Tommy Franks ... boy, this could be boffo!

Walter, it would be helpful if The Gerhadt character could be persuaded to do his own stunts ... we should probably make some effort to be responsible about controlable expenses.


Hiya, Stinger! Welcome to A2K. Sorry for the tardy greeting... I've been a bit distracted elsewhere on the board this evening ... pretty much in keeping with normal practice.




timber



timber

Bi-sexual and young, I know :wink:

Damn! Word sure gets around.

I don't think my "Low Profile" approach has been very well executed.



timber

timberlandko

Here's an interesting casting idea....

For once, Arnie's accent will be perfect (Or pretty close anyway) for the role. How about Arnie as Gerhadt? Although. of course I may have to use some artistic licence, and make the Gerhadt character, a gun carrying, grenade throwing, body building, cigar smoking, humvee driving, national leader.....who is also pro war. Not exactly based on reality....but what the hell.....think of the great action scenes!

Picture this......Gerhadt leaps from plane, pulls cord on his parachute, and floats down into central Baghdad....guns blazing at Iraqis....

Wow! What a scene.


Walter - Those boats are perfect. The potato gun is great. If you can supply six....I have an idea for a great beach landing scene. It involves firing a range of rotten vegatables at the Iraqi defences. It will be stunning to see on a big screen. Trust me. I'm an artist.

I've overreliance on your artistic conscience, stinger.

Arnie's accent would be terrible (Austrian!) and what about the colour of his hair?

If you use rotting veggies, you can get the catering crew involved. I understand they're a step down from the usual Junior High cafeteria ladies, so they should have lots of icky stuff lying around.

I think David Hasselhoff needs a part in this production. I'm not sure where, but it just seems to cry out for a touch of Knight Rider/Baywatch je ne sais quoi.

Casting should never be a problem, the biggies are just rushed on and off scene to hang the (thin and improbable) story line together. I really like the idea of Sigourney and Ah-nold together, maybe rushing across the dessert in a humvee, shooting' the bejezzus out of everything in site. I also like the beach landing scene--you could work the lesbo part into that, AND have lots of half-nekkid babes runnin' aroun' squealin' . . .

Oh, this just gets better an' better . . .

And, of course, as Sigourney and Ah-nold prepare to drive off into the sunset, you set up part III of the series with the expected, the classic Ah-nold: "Ah'll be back . . . "

Thinking of baywatch:we perhaps could be sponsored by the DEA and cast Yasmine Bleeth as well (acting as )?

For reasons of political correctness, I prefer organic potatoes.

You are shooting Gulf War II and you plan to have no shooting???

Oh - I guess the rushes and stuff from Gulf War I are still around....hmmmmmmm - and you oughta be able to get the Baghdad stuff from CNN.

Have you noticed the third part of your trilogy is in pre-production now? But it is a sequel, too - Korea II...can't you film people think of anything new!!!!

I fear it is gonna spin off one of those dreadful, interminable, dreary franchises that go on and on - great-grandchild of Gulf War II - "South America".....

Couldn't Arnie play George W in his fantasy scenes?

Arnie in a double role - (financial) success guaranteed!

Walter - Don't worry about Arnie's accent. I once had to watch and listen, as Brad Pitt attempted a Northern Ireland accent. If moviegoers are willing to accept Brad's accent, they'll probably think Arnie was born in Berlin!! The hair problem can be fixed with some shoe polish or a wig....or both.

Okay people....I have some exciting news. Word is spreading about my screenplay. There is a lot of buzz. 'My people' are receiving a lot of phonecalls, from the 'people' of other important 'people' who want their 'people' to be in my movie....I think.

Anyway....I had a call this morning from the people who represent Bruce Willis. They said that Bruce wanted to 'do lunch' with me today. That he wanted 'face time' with me in order to discuss my screenplay.

To cut a long story short, Bruce and I had lunch...along with 'my people' and 'Bruce's people'. It was a hell of a big table. Apart from Bruce, I'm not sure of the names of anyone else at the table. Not even the names of 'my people'. Although, I think my waiter was called Bob. Incidentally, Bob's was also a screenwriter...but he's 'between jobs' at present.

I'll cut to the chase, and just give you the highlights from my lunch with Bruce.

Bruce thinks the concept of my screenplay is 'just great'. He thinks that it's 'very now'....'very topical'....with a lot of 'potential'. He also expressed an interest in playing a leading role.
'Which one?' I asked.
'The President', he answered. 'President John McClean'.
'Uhhh?!' I replied. 'Don't you mean George W. Bush?'
'No', said Bruce. 'I think that the American moviegoer wants to see their President kicking ass. Not just his military forces, but him personally. The President as a warrior. As a hero-cop, who kicked terrorist ass in a skyscraper, and who can do it again as president.'
'Uhhhhh!!' I said.
Bruce leand back in his chair, and closed his eyes. I could tell that he was visualizing himself on the big screen as he spoke.
'I see my character as being representative of the working man. The average guy. Joe Sixpack. Full of honour and integrity, and great with a gun. Always ready with a witty comment, even in the midst of danger.'
'Okay. Go on. I'm with you,' I said, while checking my watch.
Bruce opened his eyes, leaned forward in his chair, produced a harmonica from his pocket, and played a few moments of improv blues. His people and my people, sat in a hushed silence, listening to the maestro play.
Bruce stopped suddenly. 'I'm thinking.....Die Hard 4.'
His people smiled and nodded. 'Great idea Bruce,' they sang in chorus.'Brilliant. Inspired. How do you do it Bruce?'
My people did the maths on their calculators, and then they started smiling too. '
Great numbers', they said.
'Strong franchise', they reminded me.
Lots of nodding, then they said, 'And the kids will love it. So will their parents and grandparents. It's strong across the demographics. From teenagers on dates, right up to retired, golf playing republicans. It's all good.'

It was around about this point that I fell into a deep sleep. Thankfully Bob the waiter woke me up once the bean counters had finished talking numbers and statistics.

While I was asleep, Bruce's people and my people had also made some calls. Putting the word out that Bruce was wanting to deal. With a big name onboard, the green light was now lit. Wheels started turning. Within five minutes, other names started to appear in the conversation.

John Travolta wanted to talk. Al Pacino was flying in on the next plane. Dustin Hoffman was coming back early from vacation. Oliver Stone wanted a copy of my unfinished sceenplay faxed to him.

My head started to spin.....Then I hit the floor. My people didn't notice me fall off my chair. They were too busy talking on their phones to Robert De Niro, Marlon Brando, and Gary Oldman.

Bob the waiter splashed water on my face, and fanned me with a copy of a screenplay that he just happened to have in his pocket. He gave me it to read later...'maybe I could let Mr Willis' people see it.'

This afternoon, my people told me that they have a possible cast list for several of the main characters in the film. The name of which, is now uncertain. 'Die Hard In The Gulf', is Bruce's preferred option.

Anyway, here is the possible cast list. But I hasten to add, nothing has yet been signed.

President John McClean - Bruce Willis
Dick Cheney - Robert De Niro
Donald Rumsfeld - Richard Gere (In a singing & dancing role)
*Mr Burns from the 'Simpsons', to play
Rumsfeld's alter ego in animated dream
sequences.
Colin Powell - Laurence Fishburne
Condi Rice - Dustin Hoffman
Richard Armitage - Marlon Brando
General Tommy Franks - Al Pacino
Ari Fleischer - Kevin Bacon
Chancellor Gerhard Schroder - Arnold Schwarzenegger
President Jacques Chirac - Jean Claude Van Damme
Saddam Hussein - Gary Oldman
Osama Bin Laden - Christopher lee
Tony Blair - Anthony Hopkins
British Foreign Secretary, Jack Straw - Michael Caine
Alan Greenspan - Woody Allen

We are still waiting on the choice of director. Oliver Stone, John McTiernan, Alan Altman, Steven Spielberg and Francis Ford Coppola have all expressed an interest.

I'm meeting with the studio tomorrow, to discuss finance, and maybe 'firm up' some names on the cast list. Wish me luck.

More ideas are welcome...especially if you don't expect payment for them.

After our lunch, Bruce flew to Washington to enlist the help of the folks in the Whitehouse. Do a little meet and greet, in order to obtain permission for some very special location shots in the Oval Office, the Pentagon etc.

Apparently Bruce met some guy that he thinks may be of use to us.

http://www.baldrus.com/images/Bruce%20Willis.jpg

Mike Myers and Liz Hurley have just been confirmed for the roles of Tony And Cherie Blair.

http://www.posterplanet.net/pictures/images/Mm3c1.jpg

It's a surprise departure from the original plan, of Anthony Hopkins as the British PM, but the studio feels that we need some light relief in what otherwise may be a subject that is too much of a 'bummer' for the teenage market.

Latest news...

Dustin Hoffman has decided not to play Condi Rice, but will play First Lady, Laura Bush. The explanation provided by his agent, is that after playing Dorothy in 'Tootsie', he already has the wardrobe and make-up experience for the role.

Dustin Hoffman as Laura Bush
http://www.prisma-online.de/image/32/mmnet_67007585f632.jpeg

Marlon Brando confirmed as Deputy Secretary of Defense Richard Armitage. Probable fee for 20 minutes screentime, will be $15m.

Richard Armitage sucks
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0823/csmimg/0823p6b.jpg

Marlon Brando as Richard Armitage
http://www.english.uwosh.edu/Henson/231/images/brando1.jpg



White House press conference attended by Bruce Willis, GW and Laura Bush.

http://www.byui.edu/Scroll/110502/photos/news10.jpg

Stinger/Willis Productions granted exclusive access for location shooting in the Oval Office. George Bush delighted at the prospect of a walk-on part in the film. George will be playing the part of 'Iraqi goat herdsman #3' Originally it was to be 'Iraqi goat herdsman #4', but George drove a hard bargin.

Harvey Fierstein's people just called me, and they're very upset that he's not listed in your credits for the elder Barbara Bush.

Plus, I see Sinbad is interested in the Colin Powell role. A little comic relief, if you will.

George Bush the elder is a part being eagerly bandied about by the likes of Jeff Goldblum, Dame Judi Dench (in a drag role, like Harvey's) and Tony Randall.

It's got blockbuster written all over it!

This is getting exciting--no lie! Just want to be sure--I came in on the ground floor, right? In line to get my points? Great! Cuz this is going to be a blockbuster, baby!

Things are really moving fast now.

Even though my screenplay is unfinished, the Hollywood sharks have been circling all day.

I've just returned from a meeting at Paramount Pictures.

http://www.gildasattic.com/paramount.jpg

They have made me an offer I couldn't refuse. The contract has been signed. The light is GREEN.

They love my ideas, obviously, and they could hardly be anything but impressed by the level of star interest in this movie. They have been virtually lining up to sign on, even before the project had a studio!!

Another fantastic development, is the arrival of a producer. Well, more a legend, than simply a producer. I mean of course....Robert Evans.

http://adfilmworks.com/moviephotos2002/kidstaysinthepicture.jpg

Robert was growing tired of producing, but upon hearing of my screenplay, he decided to saddle up just one more time.

Robert didn't waste any time. Already, he's signed up three more actors.

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Gerhard Schroder
http://www.amctv.com/amc/img/arnold_pred.gif

Jean Claude Van Damme as President Jacques Chirac
http://movieweb.com/movie/maximumrisk/co3.jpg

I know this may seem strange casting, but Bruce, Robert, and the studio, feel that the European side of things was a little too.....eh...soft. Too much dialogue, and not a high enough body count.

Sorry jespah, and sorry Sinbad.....but the Colin Powell character has been cast already.

Samuel L Jackson.

Indeed, he just announced tonight on the Letterman show, that he signed up for the movie. Great publicity don't you think?!

http://letterman.iscool.com/october/10-9a.jpg

Bruce had worked with this guy before....in Die Hard 3. Even though this has the potential to confuse people, Bruce's people feel that most of the audience won't remember Samuel's last role. Hell, they even seem to have forgotten about George Bush Snr's time as President, so it isn't likely that Samuel L Jackon appearing in the same movie franchise, as two different characters, will intellectually challange many minds!

Oh, by the way....Harvey got the call an hour ago. The picture he e-mailed to Robert Evans, of him in costume as Babs Bush, probably swung the role for him.

http://www.dqfad.com/images/fierstein_hs0.jpg


D'artagnan - Of course ou can be in on the ground floor. We need someone to sweep the movie lot every evening! Or if you know anything about entertainment law, you can be one of my 'people'. Even if you don't know anything about entertainment law, don't worry. Just act like you do. It's only showbiz. We're all just acting like we're important, and that we know what we're talking about.

A lot like politics in many ways. A grand illusion. A lot of pretending. Props. Scripts. One liners. Photo opportunities. A large cast of characters. Heroes and villans. Emotional manipulation. Big budgets. Hype. Promises and lies. Scandals.....etc etc etc...

Nowadays.....it's all showbiz.

Just razzle dazzle them.