This was my stat prompt:
its kind of irrelevant, but just for reference
Here's my answer:
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have just heard a case of a man who is overweight to an extreme degree. This man was injured slightly due to the alleged failure of the McDonald's Corporation of providing seats that would support his weight.
As Robert Miller from the physics department at Bard’s Benches Co. showed, the bench should have withstood an average of 450 pounds. Obviously, not all benches can support exactly 450 pounds, so there is naturally a variation around this average, as described by Mr. Miller. The prosecutor tried to prove to you that this average was no good and this “high” variation was the cause of Mr. Smith’s fall. However, Miller assured that this is completely mathematically false. He assured to you that less than 0.008% of the benches produced are unable to withstand the weight of Mr. Smith. That is just one in every 125,000 benches.
Remember that, respectively, the probability of a man with Mr. Smith’s weight is 7.58 standard deviations above the mean weight of an adult man, which is 185 pounds. In simpler terms, his weight is highly unusual in the aspect that the likelihood of a man his weight to sit in a “1/125,000” faulty chair is of the smallest percentage.
Unfortunately, this incident happened a wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes, incidents like this, with an extremely low possibility of ever occurring can only be described as an accident. The McDonald’s Corporation nor Bard’s Benches Company has no liability in Mr. Smith’s injury. My client had a reasonable expectation that the bench would withstand his weight. Also, the doctor who treated Mr. Smith testified that the only injury was a minor bruise to the hand. How pain and suffering can a man have from a bruise? Certainly not $1 million dollars worth. To say that Mr. Miller’s “pain and suffering” was directly caused by McDonald’s negligence to install proper seats in its restaurant is absurd and mathematically proven to be an incorrect statement.
Please remember the facts of the case. I believe we have proved that McDonald’s reasonably believed that the bench support was sufficient, and this case should most definitely be dismissed.
***********Please check me for grammar because I suck!!