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Wed 29 Sep, 2004 05:10 am
Barefoot,
in Poseidon's sandy imprints,
she approaches the precipice,
extending like a howl
over an ancient ocean bed.
"Nowhere to drown anymore,
just a dry sea,
pierced by rocky crags,
dotted with the ghosts of those
who came before me."
The sun behind her
casts a glance to
the skeletons below.
Bleached bones become
radiant shades
of gold-tinted white.
She turns around,
stripped
in Apollo's gaze,
lets her demons fall,
softly,
like a feather ripped from
Cupid's wings.
One thing - I suggest "sun behind her" not "sun, behind her."
Excellent Cav! I love the interplay between 'gaze' and 'wings'!
Heh heh, that was a typo hiccup....I am correcting it now edgar. I'm wondering if I even need the comma between 'behind her' and 'casts...'
Thanks kelly. edgar, I took out that other comma that was annoying me. I think it flows better without that pause.
Cav, you haven't written anything that I can't see a bit of myself within, and that, my friend, is the wonderful appeal of writing.
Question: Of all the olio of things, inspired, uninspired, which is YOUR favorite?
I'm not sure Letty. I'm in editing mode, so all I can focus on is what works and what doesn't. By the time I'm done revising, I'll probably be able to pick a favourite. I really like 'Semicolon', though. I posted the rewrite this morning.
All right, Cav. I'll check it out later when I get the bad news about my car. Maybe it will give me a meditative moment.
Hmm....I need an opinion. I've been considering replacing "in soft panther steps" with "in Posieden's steps" to tie into the later mytholigical imagery. I am wavering though.
You might also consider Prometheus, for his sacrifice in the name of helping his people.
Well, my goodness. Cav and I were wondering about you, Kelly.
I like the sound of "panther steps" , Cav. The quietness of padding paws.
What were you wondering, oh mighty Letty?
Well, Kelly Kismet, we thought that you had vanished, and then I saw one of your threads had been pulled and it gave me a start.
Had a quick jaunt down to London for a couple of days. Don't worry, Letty - so long as the likes of you and all of the incredible minds are in this place, I will be in a tight orbit :-) Which thread was pulled?
Something titled "What a Great forum...". It may have had to do with your having posted a link to your site, but I'm not certain.
and that's a nice thing to say, Kelly. Thank you.
my two cents...love the poem(not many of yours that i don't, even if i don't say it often enough Cav) but i would like the change to Poisiden's Steps..seems more relevant..thanks Cav
I think someone posted a reference to one of my sites in the discussion, but I don't recall posting it myself... Oh well :-)
You get better and better, Cav.
I'm liking it more now. It seems more focused. Thanks edgar.
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