Crush at work

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Hey all. A few weeks ago there was a new coworker at my job. I don't work with him directly but we sometimes run into each other. To be honest, I felt attratced to him straight away. He's a very handsome young man who probably gets a lot of attention from women. He also has a girlfriend. And I have a longterm boyfriend, however we've been in a bad place for a long time now. It starts to get better but we still have lots of bumps. I never felt attracted to a guy in our relayionship, until now with this coworker.
Anyway, we never spoke until today. But all those weeks, whenever we would see each other, he would look at me, look back, smile, say hi. He would look at me during lunch (sneaky), I cought him checking me out a few times and I couldn't help but feel the attraction might be mutual. But then I also thought he was too good looking for me (i'm quite pretty but not a model either) so I just decided it was my imagination. Then today something happened. This guy came right at me when I was having lunch and sat down across me, and started talking to me and my colleagues (all middle aged women). He asked me questions, i asked him too. I was kinda nervous but tried not to show. We talked about a topic, and later that day I sent him and some other people an email about it. It was in hopes he would respond as he didn't know my name yet (or maybe he did, but I never told). But he never replied.. nothing.
So now i'm really confused.. he's giving me mixed signals... or maybe i'm just imagining things. And I don't know what I want either. I don't want to cheat but i'm attracted to him and can't help myself but to now want his attention. What do you all think about this?

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,504 • Replies: 7

[+3] - maxdancona - 08/05/2016My general rule is to finish one relationship before starting another one. It makes things much easier that way. There are all sorts of messy things that can go wrong when you break this rule that...

@Erinlove,

My general rule is to finish one relationship before starting another one. It makes things much easier that way. There are all sorts of messy things that can go wrong when you break this rule that could hurt you, or your boyfriend, or this new guy, or everyone. The fact that this is at work makes it even more messy (you don't want relationship drama to interfere with your workplace).

If you are starting to look at other men... maybe this is the time to call it off with your long term boyfriend. That is the honest way to deal with this, and it is the only way that is fair to both you and your boyfriend.

After you have broken up. Then you can start looking at what other relationships are possible.

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@maxdancona,

Re your opening post -
What have you been acting out if you have not are been attracted to guys in your relationships? Perhaps it's a matter of misunderstanding by me.

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@Erinlove,

Quote:

This guy came right at me when I was having lunch and sat down across me, and started talking to me and my colleagues (all middle aged women).

Erin, did I misunderstand or are you a middle-aged woman?
If so, this young man's attraction to you may be purely sexual with little chance of a long term relationship.
Also, I agree with Max in that you should end one relationship before starting another. I know it's hard, especially if you're not sure of the new guy, but if you're thinking about another man and you're not happy in your present relationship, what's the advantage of staying? If you break up with your present boyfriend and the new guy doesn't work out, well you'll be single and ready for the next opportunity!

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Thank you all for your replies!
I'm in my early thirties and I suspect he's in his late twenties.
Not much of an age difference.
I mostly wonder why he's acting so hot-cold. I'm trying not to show him i'm attracted and even avoided him somewhat. But with him then coming over to me, but then afterwards ignore me again. Is it some kind of mind game or am I just seeing things that aren't happening.
I still love my boyfriend you see. We were just trying hard to work on our relationship since we've been through rough times (kind of growing apart, but we want to make it better again). But what confuses me now is that in all those years I was together with my (current) boyfriend, i've never really felt attraction towards another man.. until now. So that's why it's kind of scaring me.
And to be honest, men are attracted to me regularly, but I never cared.. also until this guy. (However, in his case I don't know if he likes me)
With him acting so weird.. he gives me the feeling he's wondering about me. But his behaviour from the other day is something I don't get. Why come over to me only to afterwards completely ignore me?
And I probably sound contradictory. I don't want to leave my boyfriend but feel attracted to this coworker and am now wondering about his behaviour. I know. But I also want to understand his behaviour in order for me to controle this situation. I wouldn't want to get into an affair. But if it's my friendship he might be interested in, that's different.

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Look - you are going to be sexually attracted to many men in your lifetime, so don't think you have to act every time you get a crush. In this case, it's a cute, teasing boy-toy who is playing hard to get and that is exciting you.

Which tells me that your current BF is not exciting you lately, otherwise you wouldn't give this guy another look. Instead, he's in your head and you are spending lots of time trying to figure out his motives, etc.

He's a game player. He's baiting you. He's waiting for you to make the first overt move. All exciting tension in your life, which might be suffering from boredom.

Honestly, what is going on in your relationship with BF that makes you so vulnerable to kid-Lothario?

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@Erinlove,

Quote:

And I probably sound contradictory. I don't want to leave my boyfriend but feel attracted to this coworker

It's only contradictory if you believe that people can or should be attracted to only one person at a time.

Just an opinion, but I think neither are true.

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@Erinlove,

Rule number one: if you are eyeballing another guy, and I mean more than just noticing him in your general location, and you are in a relationship with someone (whether it is going well or not) then it is best to either fall in love with your bf, or break it off. Don't emotionally cheat on him. If you are develoving a crush for a guy while in a relationship with someone else, then its not an accident. You are allowing yourself to do that. You owe it to him as a matter of respect you would want someone to give you. Break it off with your bf.

"And I don't know what I want either. I don't want to cheat but i'm attracted to him and can't help myself but to now want his attention"

Thats all you need to remember, from your own mouth. If you let it go, you will drift farther from your bf, show him less respect and concern, and ultimately create grounds for cheating to happen. This guy is attracted to you, and you like the attention, and where do you draw the line on that, especially if you are allowing it to happen while in a relationship with someone else? Get the point? You're unknowingly desensitizing yourself and creating a bad situation where you will be easily tempted to cheat. If not with this guy, then with the next one who comes along and give you the acceptance/attention/validation you are craving..

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