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My husband won't pay alimony or child support

 
 
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 12:34 pm
I was married to my husband for the last 10 years. Few months back. we separated. This is largely due to my husband being a control freak. He had problems with me wearing certain type of clothes. Also, he had problems with people I met. I had tolerated this for the sake of my daughter who is 9 now. But, few months back, I had enough of his controlling nature. So, I told him we needed to have a break and see other people because I wasn't sure If i could continue my life with him for the rest of life. He didn't like that idea either. But, he did moved out and found another place for himself. I made my decision to divorce him after gibing a lot of thought.

I told him I wanted custody of our daughter and that he could have her every weekend. He works for longer hours and comes home around 8 in the evening. Because of that, he won't be able to give more time to his daughter during the weekdays. Since, I'm not working, I would be able to give her the time she needs growing up. I don't want to ruin her childhood. I had stopped working after giving birth to her in order to spend more time with her.

He didn't like the idea of me having custody over her. And, he threatened me saying he won't pay alimony or child support if I divorce him. He's paying house rent so, he said the court won't force him to pay alimony. He also said since I won't be able to receive child support, the court won't let my daughter stay with me. On top of that he accused me of cheating on him saying having a break and seeing other people wasn't a mutual decision. He said that won't help me in court either.

Now, I have decided to take him to court. Before I do that, I want to know if he is required by law to pay alimony and child support along with house rent. I have started working but he earns way more than I do. Will this have any impact on the situation? I wanted to know all this before I approach an attorney.

Thanks.
 
maxdancona
 
  5  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 12:36 pm
@ChelseaHilton,
Quote:
I wanted to know all this before I approach an attorney.


This is not realistic.

You aren't going to learn anything from people on the internet who aren't attorneys, don't know the specifics of your situation and don't know the nuances of the laws of the State where you live.

You go to an attorney to find out about what your options are.

Go to an attorney.

ehBeth
 
  6  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 12:39 pm
@ChelseaHilton,
ChelseaHilton wrote:
I told him I wanted custody of our daughter and that he could have her every weekend.


this is not your decision to make.

Get a lawyer as soon as possible and find out what your rights and responsibilities are.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 12:44 pm
@ChelseaHilton,
Thirding this.

You need a lawyer. Go yesterday.
0 Replies
 
ChelseaHilton
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 01:02 pm
@maxdancona,
@maxdancona

I did mention I would visit an attorney. Of course I won't find attorneys here. But, that doesn't mean people here aren't aware of the laws of the state I'm currently residing in. I wanted to know what I can expect before I talk to the attorney.

I'm also sharing it here to hear other people's opinion on the situation. I want to know If I'm doing something wrong here. And, this is something I can't share with an attorney. He/she is not a marriage counselor.

Thank you for the lovely response. You really lifted my spirits. That's what I wanted to hear when I made this post.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 01:13 pm
@ChelseaHilton,
I went through this a few years ago. In my state (Massachusetts) part of the divorce process comes up with filing a "parenting plan" with the court. This is a legal document that includes legal and physical custody, who makes medical decisions, whether the children can be moved out of state, religious issues... and anything else that is important to you and/or the father.

There are three ways to come up with a parenting plan.

One is to sit down with the father and negotiate the important issues, civilly. This involves give and take and the ability to talk to each other with respect (not always easy during a divorce).

The second way is to get lawyers and to have the lawyers negotiate the important issues. Your lawyer will represent you, listen to what you want and explain to you what is realistic. The father's lawyer likewise will represent him. The lawyers will tell each of you what would likely happen if it went to court, and hopefully you will reach an agreement.

The third way is to fight it out in court. In Massachusetts they make it very clear that judges don't want to hear your case, and that if the judge thinks you are the one being unreasonable, they will rule against you any way they can.

The first way is often impossible because of the feelings in divorce. The mother of my children and I tried to hire a mediator... but this broke down.

The second way worked well... the lawyer told me what he thought was reasonable, and I had to back down on some of the things I wanted, and I got the most important thing for me (which was shared custody). This worked for us because the lawyers shielded us from the emotions of the divorce (we weren't directly fighting each other). The system worked.

I don't recommend fighting it out in court. This is a good way to pressure both you and the father into being reasonable with each other, but it isn't ever a threat you want to have to use. It isn't good for you, for him or for your children.

I chose a lawyer who would be reasonable and negotiate what was fair... I didn't go in to these negotiations looking for a fight or to punish my ex-wife. I highly recommend recognizing that this is a negotiation process and things are best for everyone if both sides can be reasonable.

I hope that is helpful.... my original advice stands, the first step is to talk to a lawyer.
Foofie
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 02:10 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:


There are three ways to come up with a parenting plan.



Number four is not to get divorced, since marriage was never before for the purpose of finding happiness or anything but to survive a world where life was harsh. Only today it might be thought of as a path to happiness or whatever? I think 1924 women in the U.S. were able to vote for the first time. That's 92 years ago; it took a short time for "equality" to make marriage a different kind of institution from what it had been for millenia. I came from a "broken home" (the 1950's term for a child of divorce), and I would have preferred if my parents would have stayed together just for my benefit. My downward mobility ensued up to this day. Fie on them for that (from my perspective obviously).
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 03:22 pm
@Foofie,
I know lots of people who are divorced. I don't know a single person who isn't happier divorced than they are married. And most of the children of divorce in my circle of friends are doing just fine.

Things are much better for children of divorce these days. They are in good company, many of their friends are divorced. There are resources available for children dealing with divorce and there are co-parenting resources to help divorced parents work together for the sake of the children.

Yes, it is a decision to be make seriously. But, many times when a marriage isn't working, divorce is far better than the alternative.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 03:34 pm
Take him to court.
maxdancona
 
  3  
Reply Tue 12 Jul, 2016 03:53 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Did you read my post Cicerone? I strongly disagree with this.

In divorce, things are much better for everyone if you avoid court. The goal is to negotiate something fair and avoid court. A good lawyer will help with that.

0 Replies
 
Foofie
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2016 12:38 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I know lots of people who are divorced. I don't know a single person who isn't happier divorced than they are married. And most of the children of divorce in my circle of friends are doing just fine.

Things are much better for children of divorce these days. They are in good company, many of their friends are divorced. There are resources available for children dealing with divorce and there are co-parenting resources to help divorced parents work together for the sake of the children.

Yes, it is a decision to be make seriously. But, many times when a marriage isn't working, divorce is far better than the alternative.



You are entitled to your opinion. But, your opinion sounds like an explanation of how children of mixed marriages benefit from celebrating two faiths' holidays. Possible; however, an argument can be made that it is deleterious to the child's identity for the eventual mature adult. Not that it would be objectively correct. Subjectively correct, and your opinion on this thread's topic is again subjective. That's all.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jul, 2016 01:00 pm
@Foofie,
I don't think I have ever had an opinion that wasn't subjective. Have you?
Foofie
 
  0  
Reply Fri 15 Jul, 2016 12:08 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I don't think I have ever had an opinion that wasn't subjective. Have you?



I only have objectively true opinions. For example: WASPs perception of their American identity can be very different than that of other groups. Whether anyone likes it or not, I believe they "tend" to view themselves as more "American" than many others. It might stem from their relating to a longer history in the U.S., or a willingness to utilize other groups to keep America functioning? Other groups might think it would be "ducky" if only they were here. For this reason I can only feel "safe" in a WASP America. That is an objectively true opinion.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Jul, 2016 12:15 pm
@Foofie,
That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense (at least not objectively).
Foofie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 18 Jul, 2016 02:43 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense (at least not objectively).



I bow to your WASP ancestors!
0 Replies
 
Tom Jefferson
 
  0  
Reply Tue 19 Jul, 2016 04:40 am
You're trying to get him for rent, alimony and child support? Sounds like you want him to finance your decision to break up. That's unfair. If you don't like his controlling nature, go see a marriage counselor, or do an intervention. Why marry, and have a kid, just to break it all apart because you want to see other people? The laws in this country regarding alimony and child support are not helpful to anyone, especially the children.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Tue 19 Jul, 2016 05:22 am
A marriage counselor would have dealt with his controling nature and your unhappiness in the marriage. It sounds like you are past that.

He threatens you with LEGAL issues. He says things that the court would have to approve. So YOU must get a lawyer in order to protect your lifestyle and ensure support for your child.
0 Replies
 
 

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