How to give an appropriate tip in America?

I've been pleasant to wait staff for nearly forever.
Don't ask me how we are doing four or more times in the meal. My business partner and I once in a while went to lunch, and some of that time talked about work. We finally had to acquaint the manager. Go away. I blame the managers in the US re all this how are you doing stuff and nonsense.

In contrast to what I remember of Italy --- they step aside and watch, and respond if your glass of wine is somehow empty, but don't keep asking you if everything is ok.

All you have to do is catch their eye, and they tend to be watching.

Let me recommend one of my favorite movies -

Bread and Chocolate
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070506/

You said a mouth full there brother.


However, if you do need to pinch pennies to the extent you can't leave an extra dollar or two on a meal, IMNSHO you really should stay home until you can scrape that extra buck together. We haven't really done it here in this thread, that I can remember, but I hate it when suddenly you have to be PC about the fact that "well, I don't have a lot of money to just throw around. I get by, but just, and can't waste money"

I guaran-damn-tee ya'll I could walk into anyone's home, and you could walk into mine, and find all sorts of things that the other would consider frivolous spending....and the one doing the spending wouldn't consider it frivolous, or at least would say it's worth it to them.

As jespah said, we're talking about other people. That's the difference. Other people (and again my opinion) always come before things.

I'm a low maintenance diner. Hell, I'm a low maintenance person, but that's another story.
I drink water at home with my meals, so I do the same at a restaurant. I don't drink alcohol. Very rarely do appetizers or desserts, unless with a group and we're sharing. Once in a blue moon I'll request something extra, or for the server to get me something during the meal. I've thought about this, and have wondered if the server, who doubtless has an idea of what will be left, ballparks a lower number based on my simple needs as far as food. So, when I leave a decent tip in return for their sincere smile, a little brief intelligent conversation, a joke, etc. I hope they are pleased. It's really not rocket science.

If I'm a bit generous, it's going to be a lift to them. They'll probably be happier serving their other customers, maybe not doing anthing differently, but giving off that "someone appreciated me" vibe, and might get better tips from them. Maybe the guest before them was a jerk, and I helped pull them out of "god, people are jerks" mood. Not just because of the tip, but because I wasn't a jerk as well. Sometimes when there hasn't been a lot of interaction between me and the server, the only way I can show appreciation is by leaving them the money I didn't spend on a soda or ice tea.

Of course, someone might say "It's not my job to lift them out of a bad mood because someone was a jerk to them. What do I care if their mood is better when they serve the next person?"

Well, if you can't help lift a person up when someone has knocked them down, or can't think, or care, of how it helps everyone in general after you when you choose not to be that jerk, maybe you have some things to think about.

A tip may not be money. It might be letting the cashier who just had to take care of a jerk, that she was doing a fine job. Hell, in my case it would be telling that jerk directly he was a total douchebag, and why not pick on someone who didn't have to worry about losing their job by responding to them. I once brought tears of gratitude to the eyes of a little teenager who was being treated like **** for no reason, and I don't know who gained more from it.

That's an interesting thread to read. I thought Mark Nobel is Spendius

Tipping in America comes with all kinds of surprises, even more so when you have an accent. I've had waiters include 18 % gratuity to my bill because they thought I am a tourist and wouldn't tip at all. That happens more often in tourist towns and one should always check if the tip isn't included already.

I generally tip 20 %, even if the food isn't that great - it's not the waiters fault.
Dto. 20 % for cab drivers, I leave several Dollars at a hotel room for the maid,
I throw a few quarters to a tip jar and I tip workers coming to my house.

America is a tipping nation - if one agrees with it or not, one shouldn't punish the poor workers, regardless of the service.

That is so funny Jane. I had a thought the same thing, re spendings.

Oh yeah, forgot about maids at hotels. Please be generous with them.

Wow . . . now i am seriously embarrassed. I never thought about leaving a tip for the maid.

[hangs head, walks slowly away}

I used to, at least at a motel I was staying at for four or five nights a month. One visit, I left my personal pillow behind. It had my name on it, and it didn't make it into lost and found. I got the replacement value from tips not given.

Did you spell my name wrong for a reason?
I have one account.
In the uk (maybe not all of) most occupations (contractually) forbid the acceptance of gratuities.
And everyone (employed) receives (by law) a minimum-wage of 7.20 (pounds) - about $10. p/h.
Noone has to rely on tips.
Not knocking US culture - But I prefer a real wage, to a 'potential' one.

Meant spendius above.

Damn auto correct on phone.

hamburgboy taught me to double tip at hotels when staying multiple nights. Twice the standard the first night. It usually results in very good care of the room.

Are you being serious, or sarcastic? Can't tell.

If I'm just going through for the night, I only leave a couple of bucks.

However, most times when I stay in a hotel, I'm there for several days, and keep the do not disturb sign on the door.
While I don't leave a mess like a rock star, there's still plenty to clean up.

While we've all seen videos about how hotel rooms are not the most well kept/cleaned, I also know what disgusting pigs people can be. I know they will leave unspeakable things behind.

Being a chamber maid is not a job I'd be willing to take on, and I like showing my appreciation, and maybe make up for the horror show they might see in another room.

you're very right and that is why there are campaigns to increase the minimum salary and to stop tipping

http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2013/08/15/debate-over-tipping-at-restaurants-heats-up/

some restaurants have increased salaries and banned tipping, but it's still pretty much at a one by one company level (and it gets a lot of media coverage because it's such a crazy idea to some Americans)

http://ny.eater.com/2015/10/14/9517747/danny-meyer-no-tipping-restaurants

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/oct/15/the-end-of-tipping-in-new-york-top-restaurant-group-bans-gratuities

hopefully the movement toward a standard living wage minimum will become more powerful

Wait. So you used to leave tips, but because once you lost a pillow, you don't anymore?

You do realize the person who threw it out or lost it was only one of a number of maids, and that he/she may not have been working there long.

So you decide to stiff whoever probably innocent person(s) who didn't throw out your pillow, by needing to recoup the cost of a pillow?

Of course there's the obvious reason that the pillow went missing because that particular hotel employee had it in for you personally, and would do it again if they saw you coming.

Really?

Not at that motel I don't.

Well then, it can't be only because of a lost pillow. There has to be more to the story.

Are the same housekeepers even working there?

If one waitress gives you poor service, do you not ever tip any other waitress at that place?

I am sorry for misspelling your name - it certainly was not intentional.

@ Chai, I am glad I am not the only one

@ ehBeth: That's exactly what I've found. If you tip graciously on the first day, the service will be so much better the following days. Extra towels, extra shampoo etc. plus I think that these poor maids have probably a lot of abuse to take from guests and management alike.

I think the lost pillow incident coincided with Roger's dream about eating that giant marshmallow.

He failed the marshmallow test again?

I dunno, I've my own motel/hotel stories, but in general I have always tipped - I must have read something in Frommers, not while young as I didn't travel to those places early, just something I read that made sense. I'll say, I didn't take it as a way to get better service, which, upon reading here is dumb of me. I don't first think of people like that, when, of course, I'm wrong on that.

Once, in Mexico, I left a water color of the hotel area, mostly beach, plus a reasonable tip. May have been trashed soonist.

Sorry to be so dense, but where are you supposed to leave tips for the hotel maid? I mean, it has to be somewhere they will know it's a tip. If I were a maid I wouldn't dare pick up money I found lying in a hotel room. I would worry people might accuse me of stealing.