It's never a truly reciprocal thing with our kids. I have one who's 30 and totally independent and self-supporting. He's never asked for a dime. I have a teenager, too, who thinks I am a walking ATM, but I also have siblings who "borrowed" money from our parents ALL the time. I never went to them for money, but my younger sister has, and she acts like your daughter does. I think it's OK to remove the MONEY from the scenario, and just ask yourself, "Is this an appropriate or respectful attitude from my "adult" daughter, on ANY level?" She really has no business injecting herself in to your personal life, and it's OK for you to set her straight on that boundary, whether you've given her cash, or not. That way, you avoid the "Are you throwing that in my face" assault, altogether. You can say things like, "I ave always been supportive (supportive being the KEY WORD, here) of your choices. I expect the same respect in return."
You're a grown ass man (assuming you're a man from this post?) , and she needs to understand that. She shouldn't get a VOTE on who your guests are. PERIOD.