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Complicated crush situation, need advices!

 
 
Reply Fri 20 Nov, 2015 06:20 pm
Hi so i'm a girl and i'm 17, never had a boyfriend but i don't mind i'm good with it, i look average but i put everything on my personnality and i'm pretty confident and smily. I'm very into geeky topics and i'm a gamer.

So i'm at school, i have a very good male friend, we'll call him A, and we have a very similar personnality and we got along very well pretty fast last year, we read fantasy books, talk about lotr, about video games, and we're really good recent friends. This summer he confessed to me as gay. So was happy he told me.
But actually, he has a friend, very introverted and not talkative, J. J often comes to the "group" of friends but him and A just stay on the side and talk about geeky and other awesome subjects. Sometimes, more and more often actually, i join in and in just get along well with both of them. Actually, as we talked, the three of us, i noticed J sometimes staring at me (when not avoiding to look at me in the eyes, which he does with everybody), and i know he got "intrigued" by me, since i'm a gamer girl and i have a personnality very close to A's one. We dind't really talk alone, we only did when A was here. And even, he is very shy and closed, so i feel like if a talk to him he won't apreciate that i break the silence.
I know that A, who is gay, has a crush on J, who maybe is gay, maybe isn't.
The thing is that i strated thinking about getting closer to J, because he corresponds to what i could imagine as a boyfriend. And i'm actually, eventually, developping a tiny crush as well.
But him and A know each other for longer than A and me do, and when i see how close and touchy they sometimes get, i wonder if J isn't actually gay as well.

So yeah.
If J isn't gay, i consider, after having got closer, starting to flirt. But i don't want to hurt A. But if J isn't gay he would never be in a couple with him anyway. I don't really know what to do; i could get over J, and this is what i'm actually trying to do, but i would be sad and eventually regret it.

Give me an advice !
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 20 Nov, 2015 06:51 pm
@tether32,
A is your friend, right?

So talk to him. Tell him you think his pal JJ is wonderful and you enjoy both of their companies (because you do). Tell A that you think JJ is terrific boyfriend material for either of you. If he's het, then for you. If not, then for A. Above all, you want everyone to be happy because they both matter to you.

A will either tell you that JJ is gay (so you have your answer), or JJ is het (and you again have your answer), or JJ is bi (an intriguing answer), or A doesn't know, or isn't telling you.

I see it as being a little bit like if you were both het girls interested in the same het guy. Competing can make for hard feelings, so you're trying to be considerate.

I suspect you'll learn that JJ is gay or gay-curious, BTW. But you never know.
tether32
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Nov, 2015 06:27 am
@jespah,
thanks for the useful answer
But still, i hope he isn't gay, and i don't want to tell anything to A until i am sure of the sexuality of J. The more i think of it, the more we could really match as a couple. I don't want to open a competition, i want to keep my crush secret A and me are finally sure of either J is gay or not.
- If J is gay : A and him will probably end up going out together, and i will maintain my friendship with both of them, and seeing J as homosexuel will help me get over my crush
- If J is het : i will get closer to him, as friends at first, talk to him on skype and steam, and wait for something to eventually happen. I will then confess to A that i have a crush on J, but i won't go out with J (if it has to happen) until the end of the school year, so A won't have to see us everyday then.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Nov, 2015 08:47 am
@tether32,
If you think it'll spark a competition, then yeah, it's not a great idea. But what you are proposing is awfully complicated.

If I were you, I'd start looking around for someone else to be interested in. Seriously. Drama and all this careful planning and whatnot is a lot of time you could be spending doing something fun, or even doing the necessaries like homework and chores.

To me, it feels like monumentally too much effort for someone who you don't even know if he likes either of you as anything more than a pal.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Nov, 2015 10:36 am
@tether32,
tether32 wrote:

- If J is gay : A and him will probably end up going out together, and i will maintain my friendship with both of them, and seeing J as homosexuel will help me get over my crush
- If J is het : i will get closer to him, as friends at first, talk to him on skype and steam, and wait for something to eventually happen. I will then confess to A that i have a crush on J, but i won't go out with J (if it has to happen) until the end of the school year, so A won't have to see us everyday then.


you are assuming a lot

find someone not connected to your friendship with A to be interested in

yeah, what you're assuming is way too much
tether32
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Nov, 2015 01:50 pm
@ehBeth,
yeah you're right i'll just see on the moment.
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tether32
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Nov, 2015 01:55 pm
@jespah,
My crush really is moderated, i already had other ones like this one that i got over without scars.
And right now, i'm in a boarding school, so 24/24 during 5 days of the week, and i swear, there is absolutely nobody around to be interested. Absolutely no one.
And going out with somebody in that school is really annoying because of gossips.
I just concentrate on my friends, they're enough for me.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Nov, 2015 05:22 pm
@tether32,
Then enjoy being attracted to someone and don't make elaborate plans around it.

You will meet a ton of other people once boarding school ends.
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Anyday
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Dec, 2015 02:03 pm
@tether32,
I would wait till I'm 18 and go for a threesome.
0 Replies
 
 

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