Could you check this message for grammar etc

WHO is on vacation? The receptionist or Mr. John?

Of course Cmpe, a bit of guesswork

Dear Mr. (last name):
Thank you for your time and for reviewing my proposal. I just called Mr. Nikkin's office via 2002xxx but could only leave a message, apparently because his office is on vacation till Nov. 9. But I was wondering if in the meantime we could meet for a coffee so I might get more feedback about our product. Please advise most convenient time and location; and thanks again for your interest

You might start out with: Thank you for taking the time to review my proposal. I just called Mr. Nikkin's orifice , but apparently the receptionist is on vacation until Nov. 9th, and so I left a message.

Also, I was hoping we might be able to meet at a time and location most convenient to you so that I can get some feedback from you concerning our product; perhaps over coffee.

And if not, well then **** ya. I don't really have the time or patience to be dancing around with you, and you leading. There's nothing in the world stopping me from taking my proposal elsewhere. So, just keep that in mind.

Okay, I just went over my recommendation to you, and it would probably be best to omit the last paragraph, as there is the possibility that Mr. John _____ might misconstrue it as being unfriendly.

After giving it some more thought, perhaps it would be best to leave the last paragraph in. My thinking is that if you don't assert yourself now, then the next time you suggest talking about business over coffee, Mr. John _____ will take you up on it, but then insist that you foot the bill. Then soon enough, he'll be the one suggesting coffee, and you'll be puzzled because there'll be no real reason for such an occasion. But you'll accept, and after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence at the restaurant table, right out of the blue he'll say something like, "Yeah, girls don't really turn me on. How about you?"

Then it'll all become clear. No longer will it be a mystery to you why he accepted your initial proposal when even you knew--deep down--that it was ****. You thought it was just bad judgment on his part, but no. And then what are you going to do?

Trust me. Leave that last paragraph in. Then you won't find yourself sitting at a restaurant table having to answer the question of whether or not girls turn you on.

Glenn you write well, probly better'n' me

At first I was shocked because I assumed you were still addressing Cmpe but realizing what was immediately obvious to everyone else I broke out in hilarity