How do you cure an addictive personality?

Kicky-

I have an addictive personality also. I get addicted to anything that ends with "ing" examples-smoking, drinking, exercising, the list goes on. My bells don't go off when they seem like they should, for instance I have a high tolerance for pain, I dropped something heavy on my foot once, didn't bother going to the doctor, walked on my heel for a week, then resumed my 7 mile a day jogging habit, ( I found out it was broke 3 years later when I had x-ray's for heel spurs).
I call people who aren't like this normy/earthlings, they just automatically have balance.
Just realizing you have an addictive personality is HUGE, I didn't know this for years (lots of pain and suffering). I'm 43 now and didn't realize I was like this until I was 40. Through the help of.... I'll call them "spiritual-advisers" I have learned to slow down and take my own past and present inventory. I had to have other people like me helping because it was my own off-balance thinking that has got me into trouble.
Every one has short commings or character defects some people accidentily pour gasoline/miricle grow on their behaviors with their thinking problem or lack of balance (people like me).
I'm going to agree slightly with your friend. It's necessry to look at the past at the very least so you don't make the same mistakes over and over again.
I'm droaning on. Let's hear from someone else.

Your personality isn't necessarily "set".
-You can't change the direction of the wind but you can adjust your sails"

One thing I had to do to address my addictive personality was to stop calling it a personality and start calling it addictive behavior. ;-) I only have one person inside me , I dont know about you , so assigning myself a second personality, well thats just insane... oh wait.. I AM insane. hehe
Any-who. It took me about 4 years to figure out why I was so hell bent on getting high, smoking, cleaning, etc.....
Then, I noticed ( this is just me ) that I wanted those things most when i was out of some control. Either, stress .. new job... old problems etc.. reared thier ugly faces. I never wanted to ' feel ' certain things so I just drank, smoked, fucked.... whatever to make them go away. Granted, one bottle of wine never made it go away..I would just forget about it until the buzz wore off and then I would go right back to it the next day. Hence.. the addictive behavior.
Catch my drift?
It is cycle. Find out what starts your cycle so to speak.. And I dont mean menstral cycle either you freak ;-) hahahaha
That may be something that works for you. I did me and several of my friends. If it does work, and you write some big book about it and become the next 'self help' person, my name had better be in the credits!!!!!!!

:-)

I get my balance through a step program. They have more self-knowledge than any shrink (even the ones with phd's) I've ever talked to.

BTW I have never felt this good in my life :-}

You already got some great replies!
As someone who also has addictive "behaviors" (thanks shewolfn!) I think it is good to recognize that but not very useful as a tool for change, at least not for me. I still smoke, for example. But I am well aware of how easy it would be for me to become an alcoholic, so I keep a real close check on my drinking. Once I start, I find it really hard to stop and have to make a very concerted effort to do so, as well as turn down many invitations to start in the first place. But as far as stopping habits that I've already started, that's tough. I have managed to do that as far as relationships go,so I guess I've beat my inherent addictive behaviors at least once! It just takes a lot of effort and constant determination, and I guess the realization that the only person who can really save you is yourself. You can do it Kicky! rah rah rah!

Kicky I may be wrong but I think you and I are kind of similar. I don't, however, consider myself an addictive personality. That's a load of bollox.

Yes, I enjoy bad things and I am hesitant to give them up and be healthy and eat good, blah, blah, blah. To be quite honest it is all about willpower. And most of the time I don't use it. I let my laziness take over and don't bother my arse taking charge. If we all really want to, we will find bad things that happened in our childhood. Jaysus it's like religion and the bible, you can read into it what you want it to be. Get over it man. The past is the past. You're in the present now and if you are going to lash yourself for not being stronger, doing the right thing, being able to give up things that you really want to stop (whatever they may be) then you might as well just join "the piss and moan about everything club" and have a good old wail about it.
Solves nothing but oh boy we do like to bitch and moan a lot about stuff (me too!). Sometimes people just need a whack across the head or a boot to the arse to make them wake up and pay attention. Too much PC crap these days if you ask me. Everyone walking around on eggshells fretting about offending someone and getting sued, flamed, whatever.

Bring it on I say. If you want to do something, or stop doing something, then stop whimpering like a @#$%^ and do it! If you fail, so be it, try again. If you have little incentive, then FIND some. If you need to be bitch-slapped, then give me a call.

Good luck my friend!

Hey, thanks guys! Okay, maybe I should be digging deeper, but I think for me, it just starts with boredom. And the fact that I want immediate gratification. Could it be as simple as that?

If I'm sitting home, bored, I have some habits that I just do, because I need something to occupy myself.

It's not like I even want to go out and do anything, either. I'm not a go-getter, type-A personality, but I also have this shark-like quality where I have to keep moving. It's very frustrating sometimes. Oh well, maybe I'm just nuts, like shewolfnm.

Paulaj, that story of your broken foot makes me realize it could be worse for me. That seems pretty extreme! Glad you got yourself back on track.

I wrote my last response while you were writing this to me. What you've said is probably more appropriate for me. There are real people who have real problems, but I don't think I fall into that danger zone. I'm probably just unmotivated, and lazy, just like you say. Thanks. Your advice is solid.

> looks around <
Someone said I am nuts?? gggoooosh. How mean. I have to tell the other people who live in this body that too! I dont think we were aware of that! HAHHA

Big Bird makes a great point.
Who give a rats ass about what others think?
You like getting high? Then do it. You dont like it? Then stop. But do it for you. Dont do it to be PC or be accepted by any one certain crowd, person etc. Enjoy this life how you want to. This isnt a trial run. If you dont enjoy your life...uhh... then why are you here??!

ON THE OTHER SIDE of the coin , I agree about 75% with the idea of it being willpower. Then again I dont. Willpower doesnt make your body become physically addicted to a drug. And will power doesnt keep you addicted. When someone is addicted to something it is a physical thing. Just like eating.. your body relies on a drug to keep going..
But I dont think that is what kicky is talking about. So I will stop getting sidetracked. ;-)
Recognize, address, and act on your addictive behaviors with what ever motivation you need. That will keep you on track. If you are just moaning and bitchin g all the way about it, then you dont really want to stop. If that is the case...get a backbone about it and just tell people to fu.k-off if they dont like it. ;-)
Oh yeah... like suz said

RAH RAH RAH Kicky !! You can do it! WOOHOOO RAH RAH

hahahahahhahahaha

well kicky i sat around like you too and smoked for years
what stopped me in the end was several things

for a start all the suffering of the stopping process which ive been through several times
secondly the fact i saved so much money from not smoking i could afford to go on holiday
third i felt so good and clean inside once i stopped my food tasted better i was much more alert especially minus the pot
forth i ceased to be paranoid and scared of leaving the house

what helped me too was going on holiday for a while and while i was on holiday i just didnt smoke then when i came back here the pattern had been broken and then i filled the time i used to smoke with other things like drinking tea and snacking and typing furiously here on a2k

it wasnt a single stage process to stopping habits and there no easy magic answer but i reckon like heeven said its all down to will power and the fact that you want to stop

the worst thing i believe is to feel guilty cos you smoke or whatever

either do it or dont but truly you are the master of your self and actions and believe me you will suffer but if your willing to go thru the suffering it will stop eventually and then i believe you will feel a lot better
well i did anyway and now i feel like a great weight has been lifted off me as i dont need to smoke all the time like i used to and i feel very free of it all

and i think we all got addictive personalities cos what is life after all but a series of patterns and habits
we all have to eat sleep and poo these are our greatest habits the rest we kind of pick up on the way
you gotta fill your lifes some way

This statement has a profoundly revealing exactness for me, to paraphrase John Knowles' "A Separate Peace". I am Italian, and was raised catholic, so I have this damn guilt about everything. That's why I don't know if my habits are really all that bad, or if I'm just programmed to feel guilty about EVERYTHING.

well my brother man i feel that guilt too
but im neither catholic nor italian
i have heard many stories of this catholic guilt and going to hell stuff
recently ive been going through all this myself and im really sick of all these negative feelings in me and im saying screw em
im gonna feel good if it damn well kills me
at the moment if i feel guilty for anything like for instance lying in bed for hours when i could get up or jerking off over pornography on the net
then i make myself conciously force myself to enjoy it
ive studied hundres of books on this... spiritual and otherwise
and really our biggest killer is our own negativity
honestly the best thing ive found at the moment is going out for a walk into the countryside with a friend or friends and doing things like admiring the beauty of the sky, of the clouds, of the rolling hills n all that ( not trying to sound too hippified) and concentrating on growing those feelings of positivity
man i got so down and depressed at points in the past i never wanted to leave the house again
im seeing though thats its all a creation of my mind due to this negative conditioning me, you and thousands others receive when we are growing up
i found a power in re-programming myself from negative to positive
all emotions are transient they come they go
dont give in to the darkside and all that
you dont have to go around shouting halleluiah and i feel the light or over do it but i think the best it to see the simple joy of being alive and to go out of your way to prove that to yourself
i dont know what else to say really
we can either accept negativity and live in hell
or we can embrace positivity thru concious effort an make our lives better
i did honestly
do this and it works
theres always a reason to be sad or negative and there is always a reason to be happy or positive
so i say make it positive for yourself
so once again i say refuse to believe the negativity and the power will be yours
its too easy to give in to darkness so make an effort and stop it
its working for me
and im not saying here im some perfect being
its that id rather be happy than not
also i noticed all these vices i was into.. drugs and all
were stealing my energy and now i have stopped them ive so much more energy to do things i want to do like go travelling and make new friends in life and in cyberspace
kicky this post/thread shows me you got a human side other than that blunt hard image that also comes with you that i first saw when i joined a2k so theres more hope for you than most of these people out there
its good to question it all
your far from alone my friend
at the end of the day we are all in this together
for the rest of our lives

peace and love

Are you my twin brother? These are two of my favorite activities!

Seriously though, I hear what you're saying. I am actually more of an atheist at this point, and I don't believe in all that hell and damnation stuff, but I also realize that since it was drilled into me for so long, it's real tough to get rid of that guilt. I also try to realize that certain things are not inherently bad, but it's just tough to get past that layer of psycho-gunk that my family applied to my mind throughout the early years.

Thanks for the words, ya frickin' hippie. :wink:

Kicky beat me to the hippie comment, but they were fine words indeed, so were Heeven's. It's pretty clear, if you recognize that you have addictive behaviour patterns, you're already halfway there to stopping them, should you choose to. Here's the basic catch 22 to step programs. Say you're talking to a friend or an armchair analyst, and they ask "So is there a problem you are concerned about?" You say "No, not really."
They say "Well, you're in denial." Situation 2: They ask "So is there a problem you want to talk about?" You say, "Yes, there is actually." They say, "You should come to a meeting." You say, "That's really not for me, I need a different avenue to work this out." They say "You're in denial." The cure, it seems, is always fuelled by outside guilt, which is why so many people lapse, I would guess. It's not that they're weak, it's that they have been taught to feel guilty, not strong, not an individual with free will. It works for some, but it is far from a universal solution. I've been through therapy, CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for depression, anxiety, and generally bad life habits. The approach is forget about the past, while it may give you insight as to the root of your problems, it does nothing to solve them in the here and now. It's a great approach, and quick, and it really hit home for me. I'm not suggesting therapy for you kicky, just sharing a personal story. I also wholeheartedly agree, give up the guilt, and you shall be free.

kicky--you don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater, as they say. I wasn't raised Catholic, but I am Christian, and I have none of that awful damned-to-hell guilt stuff. You're right, that IS psycho-gunk. I don't think it's Christian at all. I absolutely believe that you should do something (or not do something) simply because you want to. Not because someone else thinks it's a good idea, or because you "should." I'm not about to start quoting scriptures at you...it's REALLY not my friggin' ( ) style!...but just wanted to say that a deep belief in a good God and crippling guilt are not synonymous. "Keep the good stuff and get rid of the crap." That's the secret to life, y'know.

And Col Man is right about learning to enjoy life. There's a ton of crap out there, it's everywhere, but you can learn to ignore most of it. There's too much other stuff to focus on that makes us feel better. What do you love to do? Do more of it! Read something that inspires you. Visit a friend who loves his/her work. Watch a grasshopper with a three-year-old child. Become amazed at how much of the world you've missed seeing.

Perhaps you just don't have enough joy in your life.

It's out there, my friend. You just have to find it. Start by looking inside yourself. The shrink was right. Your heart is empty. Until you discover what fills up your heart, you'll keep substituting addiction after addiction trying to fill it, and nothing will.

When you are ready to break your "bad" habits you will. Until then, enjoy those vices. I tend to resort to my addictive behavior when I feel out of control. Like when someone makes me upset or angry. All I want to do is grab a beer and chain smoke. And then I want to clean the house from top to bottom. I washed the freakin' walls the last time I was this way....and I am a renter! I wouldn't be too concerned with your addictive behavior. Everyone is a little obsessive compulsive in one way or another. The only way you should worry about this is if you want to stop or they disrupt your life in a way that isn't healthy (i.e you can't function properly or your personal life begins to suffer). Then there are plenty of resources out there to help you quit doing whatever it is you are doing. Until then, smoke up my friend and enjoy this life!

thank you kicky, cav n eva for your compliments

I have an addictive personality as well, kicky. What I've learned is that it takes willpower and constant monitoring to control our addictive activities, if we chose to continue them. I have to monitor my drinking (how often, not how much), I quit smoking a few years ago, I keep tabs on what I eat since I began gaining a few years ago, always avoided hard drugs except on special occasions (just a little cocaine back in the day) and as much as I would like to see Las Vegas in all it's splendor, I know that if I went, I'd gamble away my house, my car, my panties. I'm very very weak about the gambling. Shopping has been an off-and-on again problem and right now it's my current weakness with a new mall less than a mile away. I'm working on it. I stopped biting my nails many years ago but never got passed biting my cuticles. I do it without realizing it but one day I'll control this too.

Realizing and accepting your addictiveness is the first step. Accepting the fact that you can control it and you WILL control it, and then doing that, is the closest you'll get to a 'cure'.

I don't agree with the 'heart is empty' theory simply because mine is not. I have a very happy marriage, a fulfilling career, surrounded by family and friends. My heart is very full. But addictive behavior, alcoholism and obesity in particular, runs in my family on both sides and like blue eyes and blond hair, IMO it's an inherited behavior.

The 'cure' is being bigger than your addiction.

I think an imbalance of brain chemicals (serotonin in particuliar) play a big part in addictions. Especially drug/alcohol and food addictions. Genetics plays a big part in chemical imbalances. That's why, I believe, addictions like alcohol/drug abuse run in families and why obesity runs in families.

If a doctor can give a medication that will raise the deficient brain chemical, most people will easily be able to stop their destructive behavior and go on to lead happier more fulfilled lives.

The idea of willpower is absurd to me. People with addictions are not 'weak people' who lack willpower.