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Is it wrong to withdraw from family during grief?

Forums: Grief, Family, Death, Loss
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kellirosej
 
Reply Fri 21 Aug, 2015 08:23 pm
My husband's grandfather passed away two days ago. He is very sad, but more sad for his mother and worried about her.His mother is devastated and very emotional. We went over to see her yesterday for a few hours and she just sobbed into my husband's chest for 30 minutes. I talked to him about it later and he said he's feeling very overwhelmed emotionally and having trouble taking on her grief as well as dealing with his own. He doesn't feel comfortable being with his family right now and wants some time alone to deal with his own emotions. He has 2 other brothers who are with his mother, as well as his dad. My husband is worried he will be viewed as selfish or not doing his duty of being there for his mom. Is it wrong to want some space even if you have a family member in need of your support?
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,452 • Replies: 4
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ossobuco
 
  0  
Reply Fri 21 Aug, 2015 08:42 pm
@kellirosej,
Why is this your business? Even grief can vary. Bug out.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Aug, 2015 08:52 pm
@kellirosej,
Everyone grieves so differently.

Your husband's mother is lucky to have several sons as well as her husband to help her with her grief. Hopefully they will also be able to offer support to each other and to your husband.

Hopefully they will understand if he needs some time away from them to do some private grieving. If not, perhaps you can act as a buffer between him and them - protect him from them a bit.
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HesDeltanCaptain
 
  0  
Reply Sat 22 Aug, 2015 06:20 am
@kellirosej,
I'm not very good at loss and grief issues, though I've tried to get better about it. To me death is simply the inevitible result of having been born. If not mentally preparing yourself throughout your life for the reality everyone you know and care about is either going to die, or you will, then when it finally happens it tends to overwhelm you since you've been ignoring it all this time.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Aug, 2015 07:47 am
His mother will need him later - months later. So don't worry about these immediate days after the death.

He should deal with his own emotions first, then comfort her.

Insist that they all go to grief counseling in a few months. It helps immensely.
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