Now - The Write Your Own Comedy Routine Thread

Hmm, while logical edgar, I fail to see the humour.

Dick Cheney decides to leave politics to go into porn. At the porno actors registry, the buxom female attendent asks him: "So what's your porno name going to be?"

"I was thinking of Dick Chain-me. What do you think?"

"Well, the name isn't taken, so it's yours. Next question, what 'talent' do you feel you can bring to the porno industry?"

Dick smiles, "Come on baby, you know that Conservatives cock up everything..."

...Do you think Dick can pull this off? He's only had four heart attacks in the past; his first one when he was only 37!

That was my Dennis Miller persona speaking, Cav.

Ahh, now I know why I failed to see the humour. Maybe an obscure reference to Phoenician art, or a good gestalt joke would have made the Dennis Miller persona more true to life.

Next maybe Carrot Top, yes?

Sure, a touch tone phone is still a prop, I think. Edgar, you might be good with a Stephen Wright approach. http://www.notso.com/wright.htm

Many of the Wright quotes had me laughing. Imagining his delivery while reading makes them funnier.

Watched last comic standing last night. It broke my heart to see some funny ones get the boot. The guy that kept banishing them was good, but -

Anybody remember "In Living Color?" One of the truly great comedy shows.

http://valdefierro.com/ilc02.html

So this guy Craven decides to start hisself a website for his enclave of buddies to answer questions. Right away half of Abuzz shows up for membership. He lets 'em in. Ho ho. Is that ripe or what?
I mean, look at 'em. Bipolar Bear. Slappy Doo Hoo. Phoenix. Gustav Ratzenhoffer? Craven himself. Eponyms for intelligence, right? WRONG! Long in the tooth old folks and one roadie. What do they know? How to debate? Haw. Occom Bill puts them in their place every time. Dissertations, learned opinions? They got bunnies, seals and clowns, fer chrissake. Down under and Canadians, Germans, right here on a2k! All ya need is broke down old poets - Wait, ya got Lettie and colorbook and gelisghesti. Whew!
Craven ought to call the site Idunno and be honest about it. Ask questions and get answers? They been trying to answer is there a god and What about Iraq for years with no success. Well, gotta go. Campus cop.

That was my Mort Sahl.

Not bad edgar. I remember In Living Color. Classic. "Never underestimate the powers of the handicapped."

Homey don't play that.

http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/3217/quotable.html

Here is my impression of gus.


"What?" Gustav was thoroughly outraged. "Whaddaya mean my new race horse is a mudder?" He walked behind the horse, wrapped his digits about its balls, then came back. "This big," he said, holding up the still curled fingers. "The horse has got stones this big. How can you say he's a mudder?"
"His father was a mudder. It's in the blood."
"Take him back. I don't want no mudder in a horse."
"I don't give refunds. However, if you would like to see what else I've got I will be happy to show you around."
As they walked about the horse lot Gustav saw there was a camel among a bevy of beautiful mares. "Hey; what's his story?"
"The camel? He once belonged to a Shah who had him shipped here from Iran. The Shah's no longer with us but he left the camel to me."
Gustav walked up to the camel and looked it in the eye. "What's his name?"
"Lugie the Bullseye."
At that exact instant Lugie spat a great wad into Gustav's eye.
Gustav reeled backward, his somewhat bulbous head being cast off center, nearly causing him to fall down.
"I'm terribly sorry," the dealer said hastily. "I should have warned you."
"Nonsense," Gustav replied. He looked the rangy animal over, coming back to stand eyeball to eyeball with it. "About Gertrude's height," he mumbled to himself.
Just then the camel spat a juicy wad that careened off the side of Gustav's head. "I'll take him," he shouted triumphantly.
After making the sale final, Gustaf led his new prize away. "Gertrude will be astonished to meet you, my boy," he said as he loaded him in the horse trailer.
Ths dealer just smiled.

http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/PersonDetail/personid-3418

Jackie Mason, one of my top favorites.