How is this paragraph in terms of grammar and style?

Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2015 09:57 pm
I didn't post the entire essay to make it more readable. BTW, it's my personal opinion on how schools should handle fraternity and bullying issues.

"Teenage life is probably the most rebellious stage in a person’s journey toward maturity. Usually, it is the time where young adults feel the need to prove their independence by deviating from traditional customs and social values. A child’s attempt to prove his independence sometimes result in him being lured into a group that encourages his behavior, but, at the same time, takes advantage of his innocence. This encouragement, coupled with the need to belong to a certain group, motivates a child to make great sacrifices without thinking of the costs and consequences."

"It is therefore the responsibility not just of the parents, but also of the school to ensure a safe and secure environment for young adults. It all starts in our homes. But I will not delve into this part any further for every parent has a unique way of rearing their children. I am not in the position to lecture anyone on correct parenting, otherwise I’ll end up discussing the way my parents have raised me. What I do like to focus on is the way school administrators screen the applicants for admission."
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