Rate my song

Wow, I like the song. Unfortunately, it is incredibly short and I can't hear the music.

ya, it is
ya, it is short, but thanks, i just wanted to know what people thought of it...

its good, it really is. but did you mean it when you wrote it? did you feel it?

Basically, you wrote a chorus, you need a couple verses, the best book I ever read on writing song lyrics is "The Craft of Lyric Writing" by Sheila Davis. Check it out. The verse/chorus form is pretty much engrained in pop music, verse/chorus/bridge is even better, Sheila's book explains all of this and more. Pretty difficult to evaluate song lyrics without the music but your chorus has possibilities.

dude, you write the way you feel. no book or class can tell you how to write.

Thats bogus, songwriting is a craft, at least you have to know the proper form. If you only have a chorus, you haven't written a song. Period. Sure you can write what you feel from now until the end of time but you will never produce a hit unless what you write touches people in some universal way.

a song doesnt have to have a structure, iv heard hits that had only 5 lines all the way throught it.you write the way you feel and the way you are, or other wise, its going to completley suck ass, and no newbie can tell me how to change that. just like my creative writing teacher couldnt tell me how to change that

There are exceptions to everything but I cannnot recall a lyric with only five lines. Of course, there are hits with NO LINES. They are called instrumentals. You have to write what you feel and do it in a way that it speaks for the world, otherwise, it's just mental masturbation. Just writing "what you feel" is merely good therapy unless it connects. Most people can't get by just writing "what they feel." Most people actually have to learn the craft and then work very hard to develop their creative works. The artistic process is creating something good then always finding a way to make it better. Unless people are just enormously talented and lucky, most artistes with your attitude are guaranteed to fail.

guess what? most artists with my attitude, havent failed. and who says i want to be a writer any way? look at Aaron Lewis. he's got an attitude. look at eminem. he's got an attitude. and theyv both succeeded. and i know what instrumentals are, i listen to them. you need to check your facts before you start to argue with me.

eminem is a writer, we are talking about writing, if you become a succesful real estate investor, or whatever, that's irrelevant. Again, without enormous talent, artists who just take the attitude, "I am not going to try to structure my work in any manner, I will just do what I feel " are setting themselves up for failure. If you listen to 99% of pop music hits, you will hear verse/chorus verse/chorus...if you try to re-invent the wheel, you might do it but you would be the exception. BTW of earned tens of thousands of dollars performing, far from a success but far from a newbie or amateur.

and how many of those pop people have survived today? and how many are called sluts, and hoes, and lesbians, and worse? structure isnt always best. look at smells like teen spirit. it had no strucutre whatsoever. and how big of a hit did it become?

looks like we will agree to disagree, what i say applies as a general rule, your bringing up exceptions is pointless, i have to go, i am performing tonight at luna star cafe in a couple hours...

dont tell me what is and what isnt.

your not the boss of any of this