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My Son All Communications

 
 
harpazo
 
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 08:41 pm

My son lied to my ex-wife. According to my ex-wife, my son said that I was bothering him to do better academically and that I was talking down to him. This is what my ex-wife recently told me via text. Isn't it my job as his dad to worry about my son's grades? I should also say here that my son typically lies to get his way.

Christmas is next week and I have no family to celebrate the holidays with.
My son has a girlfriend from the same high school that he met a few months ago but for some strange reason he decided to stay away from me--HIS DAD. I spoke to him about three weeks ago. Our conversation went well. The girlfriend excuse is no reason to stop calling his dad, right?

About 3 weeks ago, my son and I talked about Christmas presents and the fact that he wants a new x-box One game system. I promised to buy the game system for him. At the same time, my ex-wife moved from one NYC location to another without providing me with the new address. According to the court order, I must know their whereabouts at all times. I know where my son attends high school but I do not know where he lives.

My son is 16 years old.
For years, my ex-wife has been working night and day to separate me from my son. Our marriage was a total fiasco but we divorced in 2003 (11 years ago). What do you make of this? I did nothing wrong.

I am a loving, caring dad. I was not a good husband but as a dad, I am top notch. Why would he just disappear? He does not text or call me anymore. Can anyone here relate?

My friends tell me that taking my ex-wife to court makes no sense. They say this will start drama again. My friends also believe that my son will resurface. I guess they are trying to be positive and hopeful for me.

I have a strong gut feeling that tells me that my son will never call or text me again. He is 16. My ex-wife cannot control everything he does. I need some solid advice. What should I do? Can anyone here relate? I have not seen my son in 2 months and have not spoken to him in 3 weeks. What do you say? Should I go back to court?

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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 891 • Replies: 9
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Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 09:41 pm
@harpazo,
Have you thought about inviting your son and his girlfriend to dinner over the holidays. That would solve several of the problems you mentioned.

There is a difference between worrying about his grades and belittling him. Do you show him the difference? How involved are you? Do you know what are his academic weaknesses? Do you actively try to help him improve or do you mostly nag him about his grades?

Have you asked your ex for the new address? Asked your son?

Remember, he was just five years old when you divorced. Your son is now on the verge of becoming a young adult. It is a time when most teens start to spread their wings. Sometimes that means having to choose between living his own life and living the life that others want him to. Allow him the space to do both while finding ways to remain actively involved. Your relationship will have a better chance to thrive.
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 10:28 pm
@harpazo,
Your son is a teenager, he has a girlfriend now and that's the most important thing in his life. Once your precious little prince/princess become teenagers, all bets are off - parents take the back seat. That's how it is with every one of us parents. They just want to be with their friends and not spend any unnecessary time with mom or dad.

I am sure your ex-wife doesn't see your son either, he has better things to do. Children play their parents for their own selfish reason to gain whatever they want. It's unfortunate, but your son isn't an isolated case here either.

My advice to you is - keep the x-box wrapped in your house and wait until your son comes around. I bet he'll come right around Christmas day to see what you gave him. Perhaps it will be a good time then to speak to him openly and frank. Tell him that you feel abandoned by him and that you would like to see more of him and if it means inviting his girlfriend too, then do so.

Be patient!! That's all you can do with teenagers - be patient!
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Dec, 2014 10:25 am
I totally agree with Calamity Jane.

Just step back and let him come to you.

16 year olds don't like to be corrected OR watched what they are doing. But at the time when they push us away is the time they need us the most.

So be "approachable" and accepting - even if he gets E's or A's. Just tell him you love him and you wish the best for him. That's why you are concerned about his grades.

BTW - stop letting "her" bring messages from your son to you. Stop talking to her and go to the source. Yes, he probably did say, "Dad's ragging me about my grades." and she, instead of supporting the concern, reinforced you as the bad guy.

And - yes - keep the xbox wrapped up until he approaches you as a young man and wants to share some time with you. (Sometimes divorced kids are over indulged. This is not good for them. They grow up thinking the world owes them a living and they can do everything and anything they want. Their self-importance level is way too high. Do't rush in with this xbox thinking he's going to love you for it. This is false love and in the end, they realize it.)

Welcome to the teen years . . . ugh!!
harpazo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2019 10:50 am
Thank you everyone.
0 Replies
 
harpazo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2019 07:28 pm
@Butrflynet,
Who is belittling my son? Me? Please tell me that you understood my post. It is not calculus. It is a simple post.
0 Replies
 
harpazo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2019 07:29 pm
@CalamityJane,
Teenager? He turned 21 in July this year. There is no contact, no text or phone call since 2016. I have been the best dad I could be.
harpazo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2019 07:30 pm
@PUNKEY,
Read my reply to Calamity Jane. I promise you that it's easy reading. No calculus required.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2019 08:15 pm
@harpazo,
I am so sorry, but don't give up on your son. If you can, let him know that you'll always be here for him and hope for the best. Good luck to you!
harpazo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2019 08:39 pm
@CalamityJane,
I text my son from time to time. He knows that I love him. Texting every single day becomes harassment.
0 Replies
 
 

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