My love is turning to hate?

You are very young, and your animus toward the parents of infants is troubling to me.
I urge you get therapy, check to see if they have councilors available at your high school.

For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be a mother but I'm not even 18 yet and would never get pregnant just to be a mother. Its like I have all this love and want to nurture and care for someone but can't. I want to hold someone and know that they love me just as much as my unconditional love is for them. My cousin was born yesterday and I felt so much love for him I didn't even know what to do. When I first saw him I almost cried. I was so worried he wasn't going to be okay since his mom took narcotics abusively through the whole pregnancy. Thing is he is my cousin, not my own child I know can never be taken away because someone else's actions. I can't nurture and care for him like a mother because he already has one (sort of iffy one to). My love for children and babies is turning to hate, not towards the child itself but the parents. I'm jealous and want to be loved like that as well.

I've always been more mature and not many people like me. I keep telling myself 'you will have your chance one day' but I still feel this emptiness growing inside me. When I'm around that little baby boy, the emptiness is filled and I'm happy but then I go back to realizing that I am not its mother. I don't know how to soothe a baby (thy never gave me a chance to try). I want to love this baby with all I can and not be empty in my heart, but I have this fear that one day he will be taken away from me and I'll never see him again. That would be it for me. I've had enough people taken away. Does anyone else feel they want to nurture something?

I feel insane and self centered.

I don't want this empty-ness anymore and I know my cousin will not be able to fill it because I know that he could be taken away forever. (his mom is always threatening to disappear with him). Am I crazy? Maybe its just hormones but I've always felt this way since I was little. Its just grown. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to endure this pain so one day I can be happy but the light is dimming darker at the end of the hallway. Then there's a chance I can't have kids because of hereditary stuff......I'm willing to adopt in the future I can love a child even if it is not birthed from myself. Its like I'm so ahead of my time, I'm only a teenager. I feel like an oddball.

As we all know, spelling a word differently from the norm
can change its whole meaning. Isn't that right, Omsig.

You are fine, you just gotta learn patience.
Until you get what you want you can nurture:

1) yourself

2) pets

3) the earth

4) the elderly

5)


6)

7)
'
.
.

glitterbag wrote:

You are very young, and your animus toward the parents of infants is troubling to me.
I urge you get therapy, check to see if they have councilors available at your high school.

Note that "councilors" r members of a council
(e.g., a municipal legislative body or other body of leadership),
whereas counselors render advice.





David