Is this for a creative writing project?
Here are some ideas (I write, too). Opening sentences usually have more impact if they are shorter. This doesn't mean you can't have a memorable longer opening sentence (read Jane Austen's opening line in Pride and Prejudice
for an example of a classic and fairly long opening line: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
). But you're not Jane Austen. Consider just going with the last two sentences or even the last sentence in the little opening paragraph you posted.
Want some more ideas? Here are 30 classic opening lines in literature