I need assistance on writing a practice resume for school. CHALLENGE!

Reply Wed 8 Oct, 2014 10:08 pm
I read too much of 'The Three Musketeers' I supposed...

Here's the sample:

Chloe B*****
**** T****** Trail
*****, ** *****

Jim Becker
***** High School
380 S San Rafael Ave
Pasadena, CA 91105

Reflecting back to the very first instances to which I have ever considered to having an interest in querying of becoming a Teacher; I write this,

I write this for the sake of growing into the place of a teacher, to teach and to lecture boringly and accurately. My mother told me there was a job opening as an assistant to cleaning whiteboards, or teaching. I thought, hesitantly, that I should apply for teachers assistant until further notice. Though I do hope one day to be able to teach without being taught.

As a child, or as far as I can remember, I have always been good with kids. I prefer them to be younger than me, methinks they’re less ‘feral’. In adolescence the history and the communities of the world, as well as lifestyles to me; held allure.

This was a allure for mythology, and the stories written by the famous authors of the foreign past. I love the courteous and orderly ways that America could never accomplish, and savor the feeling of teaching others, quite staunch in my duties and personal life.

And here it is, the end. With entire anticipation I wait for your opinion, which much rises above mine. There is no end to your decisions, and it will be by your words that decides my fate.

Profoundly True,

C**** B*****
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Frank School Girl
Reply Wed 8 Oct, 2014 10:10 pm
@Frank School Girl,
So I need you guys to point out any mistakes. I'm a kid and I'm sorry I make mistakes!
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Reply Thu 9 Oct, 2014 06:59 am
@Frank School Girl,
I'm not sure I can figure out the purpose behind this note. Are you asking for advice for going into the teaching field? Presenting ideas about some sort of literary paper to your teacher? Writing an essay to get into college? Getting a job? The fact that I, a stranger unfamiliar with you or the background behind this note, cannot figure out its main purpose at first glance means it is unclear. The cleaning of the whiteboards part is about the only thing that puts this in the realm of resume cover letter. Even then, it's hard to tell.

The style reads as incredibly pretentious and off-putting. It's also really padded. Most teachers will pick up on this being padded. There are a ton of extraneous words in it. If it's for a job, it makes you look difficult to work with, as if you feel you are better than everyone else. The padding is annoying to the person in charge of hiring, as it takes them far longer to read than necessary.

Padded, pretentious, and unclear:
Frank School Girl wrote:
Reflecting back to the very first instances to which I have ever considered to having an interest in querying of becoming a Teacher; I write this,

Clear and concise:
jespah wrote:
I have wanted to be a teacher for years.

For whichever purpose this letter is being written, you should not be doing the winking "methinks they’re less ‘feral’" nonsense. Anyone who's been in a teaching or other authoritative capacity in a classroom for more than five minutes knows what a misconception this is. The use of methinks is really irritating, too.

The fact that you list yourself as wanting to lecture "boringly" is really telling. Hint: if you're looking for a job (or an academic acceptance or a recommendation or whatever) in the educational field and you're writing to a teacher, don't tell them that you find teachers boring. Insulting the person you are writing to, and asking a favor of, is a rotten move on any day of the week.

You don't need to apologize for making mistakes. It's a draft. And that's how we all learn. You can salvage this. The best thing to do is, look at the job description or the college essay requirement, etc. and mirror that. E. g. if a job description says The ideal candidate will be able to speak fluent German, then your letter should say something like, I have been speaking German since I was twelve. During my trip to Munich last year, people asked me for directions because they thought I was a native. Those sorts of statements are clear and concise and they get to the point. They also don't insult and annoy the person they are being written to.

You don't need to kiss ass but you should not be actively undercutting yourself or the person you're asking for help from.
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