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parental rights before the baby is born

 
 
Reply Tue 23 Sep, 2014 02:15 pm
This is for the UK. I am pregnant and I have been with my partner for 11 years. I love him immensely. The problem is he has never had a real job and by that I mean he has never paid into the system always worked black and doesn't have full time work, basically he works when he feels like it which is hardly ever. I have always worked hard and supported us both and I have always been legal(paying into system/tax etc) always had a contract. Now he still refuses to change and look for a full time contracted job. What I want to know is if I leave him does he have any rights to stop me moving to be with my family. I am only 3 months pregnant. Does he have any rights once the baby is born to see the baby if he cant pay child support and cant even support himself. It hurts that I have to think of this but I cant trust or rely on him to support a family and with what I have saved and paid into the system I am able to afford to be a single mum as long as I don't have him spending all my money like he has done in the past. This is why I need to leave not want to.
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Tue 23 Sep, 2014 05:40 pm
@lottlemiss,
Check with a lawyer or barrister (or whatever)

Don't put his name on the birth certificate if you feel so strongly.

0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  0  
Reply Thu 25 Sep, 2014 01:02 pm
Go out with someone else and let him notice it. Fake a hidden relationship.
Somehow he will eventually ask you about your new friend. Just keep silence.

When he notices or knows by someone (in case you have left him) about the baby and ask you who is the father, you simply say "I don't know".

He has two choices: to say "hell" and leave you alone thinking the other guy might be the father, of he must find money to pay for DNA test. You are not obligated at all to have such a test, but he can require it and pay for it.

Let him to find out if he can do it, on the other hand, you can keep silence and have your child and be the best mother so your silence won't be in vain.

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 05:34 pm
Tell me, what do you "love immensely" about him?

He sounds like a loser to me.

He must be cute. That's it, isn't it? And he can make babies?
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 08:24 pm
Amazing as no matter how "worthless" the man may or may not be she picked him to be her child father and now she think she have a moral right to keep her child from knowing and having a relationship with his or her father base on his economic standing?

So far no other poster have had a problem with this either and somehow think that there is no moral problem with keeping a father and child from knowing and having a relationship with each other due to his ability or lack of ability to paid child support!!!!!!!
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 10:25 pm
@lottlemiss,
It's a wonder you endured and supported that loser for 11 years.
You certainly can end the relationship - should have done that a long time ago - and if you name him on the baby's birth certificate, he's required to pay child support and has rights to see his child via court appointed visitation schedules.
If you don't put him on the birth certificate and claim he's not his child,
he would have to prove through a paternity suit that it is his child indeed - thus setting himself up for child support. My guess is he doesn't care.
A loser like this will go through life smooching off other people. If he loved you, he never would have accepted you supporting him for 11 years.

Get out and get out fast!
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 10:55 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
If you don't put him on the birth certificate and claim he's not his child,
he would have to prove through a paternity suit that it is his child indeed


Wonderful idea lied so that she can interfere with him having a relationship with his child!!!!!!!

She have as must moral right to do what you are suggesting as he would have to keep the child from her by kidnapping the child and disappearing.

Yes she does not need to support him and can break up with him at anytime but interfering with the right and I repeat the right of the child repeat the child to know and have a relationship with his or her father is below contempt.

What is she going to be telling the child as it grow up as to where and who is his or her father?

Bet he or she will be delighted over the idea that his or her mother lied to keep him or her from having a relationship with the other parent.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 11:02 pm
@BillRM,
Take your blood pressure medication and go to bed!
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 11:07 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
A loser like this will go through life smooching off other people. If he loved you, he never would have accepted you supporting him for 11 years.


By the way an interesting double standard here as somehow I can not see you having a problem if he was the one supporting her for 11 years while she does not work.

Would she have a right to be in her child life if she had been the one not bringing the money into the household for those 11 years?
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Fri 26 Sep, 2014 11:11 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
Take your blood pressure medication and go to bed!


Sorry but I would had been equally outrage if someone had posted the idea that the father should kidnapped the child to keep it away from a non-working mother.

Do you have any morals at all?
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sat 27 Sep, 2014 12:33 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:
By the way an interesting double standard here as somehow I can not see you having a problem if he was the one supporting her for 11 years while she does not work.


Plenty of women don't work outside of their house. However, they cook, clean, go shopping, do laundry, ironing, and raise the kids. Go to PTA meetings, chauffeur the kids around and you have the gull to ask such a stupid question.
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sat 27 Sep, 2014 12:34 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:
Do you have any morals at all?


More than you! You're a terrible misogynist and I've read you long enough to give you this title.
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 27 Sep, 2014 01:22 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
Plenty of women don't work outside of their house. However, they cook, clean, go shopping, do laundry, ironing, and raise the kids. Go to PTA meetings, chauffeur the kids around and you have the gull to ask such a stupid question.


An you know that he did not maintain the household how????!!!!!???

He would not had been the first man who had done so in history while his female partner work outside of the home even if she then regret the deal after 11 years.

You my friend are a sexist to say nothing of your idea that a woman have some inherent right to locked out the father from being a parent on her whim alone by way of lying if need be.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 27 Sep, 2014 01:27 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
You're a terrible misogynist


So you my sexist friend define misogynist as anyone who have a moral problem with a woman lying in order to interfere with the rights of both the child and the father to have an ongoing relationship?

Sorry but women are not the only parents with moral rights to be a part of a child life.

That right is completely independent of whatever finance relationships she have with the father of her child for 11 years.

She have every right to walk away from any relationship she is unhappy about however she have zero right to interfere with the father of the child having an ongoing relationship with his child with special note of lying about who the father happen to be.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 27 Sep, 2014 01:46 pm
@CalamityJane,
I have a friend who ex-wife wished to have him sign away his rights to be a parent to his two girls so her new husband could adopt them.

Trying to bribe him with no further need to pay child support which for him was a very large sum indeed.

After he said hell no she then came back with a plan of moving herself, her new husband and their two girls 5 thousands miles away to Hawaii.

His reply that time was when are we repeat we leaving to Hawaii as I need to know so I can made arrangements to sell my construction business and wind up my affairs here.

In your eyes he must be a terrible misogynist for not going along with the mother of his children plans and efforts to shut him out of his two girls life.
0 Replies
 
firefly
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Sep, 2014 01:22 pm
@lottlemiss,
Your partner has no legal rights to stop you from moving to be with your family, or to stop you from moving anywhere else.

You are already thinking like a responsible parent by wanting to put yourself in a living situation where your child will be adequately supported, and you can only do that if you are not supporting your partner as well. And you are doing this, not because you want to, but because you need to, and that shows you are already placing your child's welfare above what you might prefer.

Your partner needs to grow up if he's going to be a responsible parent as well, and part of that is demonstrating an ability, and willingness, to provide financially for this child and for the child's future. His days of being a freeloader are over, given the fact you can no longer support both him and the child who will soon be in your life. Your main obligation is to the child, who has no choice about their dependent status. Your partner, who is apparently not disabled, will have a choice to make--either he finds and maintains steady employment, to help ensure the financial security of both you and your child, or he risks losing having both you and this child in his life.

At this point in time, I don't think your partner has either parental or spousal rights. You are a free agent, and your fetus is part of your body. Move wherever you think will be the best arrangement for you.

There are no parental "rights" that do not come with considerable parental obligations and responsibilities. But, I wouldn't worry right now about what your partner's future legal rights, regarding this child, might be. I'd tell him you're moving to be with your family now, and why, and let him know he's got 6 more months to start proving he can be a responsible parent/adult/partner, including a financially responsible one, who can maintain consistent full-time tax-paying employment, if he wants to resume living with you. He's got to get a job ASAP, and pay his own bills, and start putting money aside as well. If he does that for several months, then, and only then, can you start discussing any future arrangements between the two of you. If he chooses not to do that, well, then he's made his own choice, and you haven't taken anything away from him, he's chosen to give things up. It's not just an issue of his earning money, it's about his ability to function responsibly.

I think it's important that you aren't considering your options, as an independent person, and a soon-to-be unwed single mom, because you are angry at this man, or dislike him. You've made it clear you love him, but you just can't rely on him to function responsibly, particularly after your child is born, and that appraisal seems entirely justified. Maybe your moving out, and giving him an ultimatum about the kind of responsible behavior you want to see from him in the next few months, will be just the kick in his pants he needs to help him grow up.

Having a baby is going to change your priorities, it already has, and, if he wants both you and that child in his life, his priorities are going to have to change as well. If he can't do that, before this child is even born, then consult a lawyer about whether to even put his name on the birth certificate, and what rights, if any, he might have regarding the child after it is born. But, I'd first give him a chance to prove himself in the next few months. Maybe the thought of being a father, and having another life totally dependent on him, will change him. You never know...

0 Replies
 
 

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