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Are My Lyrics Good?

 
 
Wed 20 Aug, 2014 07:00 pm
It's my first time writing lyrics and I was wondering if they were any good:

No, don't turn back now
The water's overflowing
Distant stars disappear
Let darkness surround me...

Shield my heart from the agonizing pain
Losing you, I'll never be the same
Burned in the flames of misery
It's too late...

Keep haunting my dreams
Till the poison takes us away
Oh love, oh heart
Where art thou now?

Erase me, leave the memory far behind
I am no longer your dream
And all that's left is a pile of mess
Goodbye...

Lingering, the sweet spoken words still enticing me
Your spell is working marvelously
Infinite power...

Keep haunting my dreams
Till the poison takes us away
Oh love, oh heart
Where art thou now?

Weeping for you, eternally longing for your love
Forever you're my all
Despite what you may wish
Goodbye...

Now that you're gone
Time moves on, but I stand still...
Dazed, in a black hole that I can't escape
Oh love, oh heart

Erase me, leave the memory far behind
I am no longer your dream
And all that's left is a pile of mess...

Weeping for you, eternally longing for your love
Forever you're my all
Despite what you may wish
Goodbye...
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jespah
 
  1  
Wed 20 Aug, 2014 08:41 pm
@DarkEyes,
I'm not really qualified to judge but understand that lyrics (which are a lot like poetry) are generally intended to scan well. Look up scansion - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scansion - and you'll see what I mean.

And enjoy being creative!
0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  1  
Sun 19 Oct, 2014 12:13 pm
@DarkEyes,
I like it because evades the physical, like tears. The pain in your lyrics show greatens because it has no physical barriers.

Perhaps finding a different word replacing "dream" on the following "I am no longer your dream".

I like it.

LLofthe21stcentury
 
  1  
Sun 1 Oct, 2017 08:27 pm
@DarkEyes,
Your first time... Well I can already tell you that you are much better than me when I first started writing lyrics. I think you could find another word for dream and another way to say "a pile of mess". I didn't think that sounded like it fit with the deep emotion of the song. Maybe for dream you can say muse or vision, maybe fantasy or even castle in the air if you are into that sort of thing. Again, great first start, I'm impressed and I would definitely listen to this song.
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steven bill
 
  0  
Mon 23 Jul, 2018 03:11 am
@DarkEyes,
for a first-timer its very beautiful. find a nice melody for it.
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winningwriters
 
  -1  
Fri 30 Aug, 2019 02:42 am
@carloslebaron,
I totally agree with this. No physical barriers. Well said
0 Replies
 
 

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