How to get a girl at the 8th grade prom (quick!)?

SO STIPULATED!

"He who hesitates is lost."

"A coward dies 1OOO deaths; a brave man dies but 1. "
That applies to both standing up to your father
and to asking out the chick.





David

Really?

I agree with all Engineer says in this situation and many others of his points of view on social matters, but women not being taken seriously is cockamamie advice. You're missing something in life if you don't actually appreciate many women for more than lookin' good, such as having brains.

They (we) are people. Treat us like people.

I overdid it when I was 13. A blonde girl (classmate) named Joyce,
descended of the Austrian aristocracy and super-beautiful,
made social advances to me. She became my first love
and I became obsessed with her for a few decades.

In retrospect, I see that it was not worth it; not even healthy.
My emotions were poorly chosen.





David

There's a difference between obsessing about someone and taking other people seriously.

I 'll stand by what I have posted qua approach-avoidance reactions, Beth,
and which girls will be easier to ask out (q. v.)

Incidentally, I believe that this psychology also applies to females
who venture forth to ask out males, so far as I have observed,
tho I will defer to your expertise, if u deny it.





David

ummmmmmmmm ok well ill try that but im much more of a mothical person i like everything planned out have the percentages right and all the other probiality and math strait before i do something( my dad influnces me to think like this all the time)

nice scientific name and that is so tru
i went to ask her then i got all sweaty and i just walked right past saying and go hanging out wit my friends

"Failing to plan is planning to fail."

I 've heard that "playing hard to get" can have a good effect on girls.
I dunno. I 've never tried that.

The "walking past" thing is very familiar to me.
The beautiful girl I wanted, Joyce, was ahead of me walking in the hall.
She turned around and looked at me over her left shoulder
and held out her hand, for me to hold hands with her.
I walked faster, to catch up. My mind blacked out, like at night.
I kept walking; when I cud see again, I had walked past her.
That pained me in my emotions for many years after that.

Eventually, years later, I hired a private detective to find her,
based on my last known information of her. He found her in about 2 hours.

He gave me her fone number n address.

I apologized and explained to her, very glad to make
a clean breast of it. She understood what I meant.

"A coward dies 1OOO deaths; a brave man dies but 1."





David

" Whatever 's worth doing
is worth doing WELL,
'cause it might be important.
U never can tell.
So no matter how little it seems at the start,
if u do it, then do it WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART."

With all the misogyny hoopla surrounding the Elliot Rogers story, I'm surprised someone hasn't scolded you for using the phrase "get a girl." (Don’t worry about it BTW, it doesn’t mean anything)

The way to get a girl to go with you to the prom (at this late date) is to simply ask one or more until one says yes...recognizing, of course, that none may do so, not necessarily because they wouldn't want to but it is late in the game.

Getting past the rejection associated with a girl turning you down is easier said than done, but as others have advised you, it really isn't the end of the world, and once someone says yes (and eventually they will) you'll pretty much forget it.

You don't need a "plan" to get a date for this prom beyond asking as many girls as it takes. I think it's stupid that you should be pressured into going but since you've declared you don't have a choice, the blitzkrieg approach is your only option. If you strike out completely don't despair, and I agree with whoever suggested that you go to the prom solo. I wouldn't be surprised if there are girls going solo too and, if so, you will have a pretty ready-made situation for talking to one or more - providing you push yourself and don't hang out on the sidelines all night.

Now, as for a "plan" to get a girlfriend. Assuming you want one there are things you can do to improve your chances.

Don't sell yourself short. Make an honest list of all your good qualities. They should be a source of confidence for you.

Work on improving yourself (you should be doing this anyway). Make an honest list of those areas which might be an impediment and seriously try and do something about them. Some boys your age are not particularly concerned by how well groomed or dressed they may be. If you're not washing or combing your hair every day, this can easily turn girls off. We have no idea what you look like but there are simple things you can do to improve your appearance. Keeping clean and well groomed for example is pretty easy. Wearing clothes that fit you isn't particularly hard either. You don't have to be wearing whatever the latest fashion for kids your age may now be, but you probably shouldn't be wearing clothes that were in style 10 years ago. A button down shirt or golf shirt is always in style and unless you are attracted to girls who are Goths should serve you well enough. Chinos or jeans are fine too, if they are clean. The key is to look like you care about you look.

When I was in school it was amazing to me how many girls and boys were considered really good looking who, in my opinion, really were not. What they had going for themselves though was confidence. They thought they looked good and so a lot of other kids did too. They also dressed and groomed themselves as if they cared about how they looked. I suppose there are girls who are attracted to guys who dress like slobs and have greasy, stringy hair, but I never met any of them and I was a hippie in HS. The girls who found my long hair attractive wouldn't have done so if I never washed it.

The basic stuff like brushing your teeth and wearing deodorant seem like no-brainers but a lot of guys your age don't keep up with them

Obviously it's not all about looks, but your appearance can and should speak to your confidence.

Be a nice guy, to everyone. Most girls don't find bullies or smart-assess attractive, and no matter how nice you are to them, if they catch you being mean to someone else, you're probably dropping out of consideration.

Among your list of strengths may be qualities like funny, or smart, or creative. These qualities can be very attractive to girls. Most girls like guys who can make them laugh so if you're funny, that's a plus. Being funny is not being a clown though nor is it being really good at sarcastic cut downs. Being smart about a lot of things including practical matters can be very attractive, and being creative can be a superpower if you are capable of using it to show a girl you think they are special. But any of your strengths will be attractive to girls if they are employed in a positive way and boost your confidence.

Next, force yourself to talk to girls. Not about going out on a date but about anything that can make for an interesting conversation. This can be difficult at first, but it will get easier with time, and especially if you are not focused on asking them out. Things happen in school all the time that can serve as the ice-breaker, and then just go with the flow from there. Not every girl is going to enjoy talking to you, nor are you going to enjoy talking to every girl, but talking to a lot of girls will help you determine which ones most interest you, beyond simply their physical appearance. And you will be surprised how much better someone can look when they laugh at your jokes or share your interests. This last bit is important. You're likely to find a girlfriend in a situation in which your interests are at play. You say you're good at science, well I'm sure there are girls in your school who are good at it too. Unless school has changed a whole lot from when I was in it, there must be some extra-curricular activities that are based on science: clubs, a science fair, etc. A girl who is involved in these has already indicated that she shares one of your interests and talking about something you like and are good at is always a lot easier than talking about something in which you have no interest or aptitude.

You don't have to have a girlfriend. It's great to have one and they are a lot of fun, but if you don't get one right away, don't sweat it. Just keep laying the groundwork, by being yourself when your self is attractive, by improving yourself when yourself may not be, and communicating with people - especially with girls. After doing this there's a real good chance that you will have no problem identifying the girls you want to date and who will want to date you. If you ask a girl out with whom you have been sharing enjoyable conversations and laughs for a while, the chances are pretty good that she will be waiting for the question and say yes. But if she doesn't, roll with it. You can still have those conversations and laughs. Being friends with a girl is worth it even if she doesn't become your girlfriend.

This next bit could be controversial here, but if the girl you want to date says no, it doesn't necessarily mean never. I'm sure as hell not saying you should harass her or God forbid stalk her, but there's nothing wrong with waiting a while and then asking her again. If she says no twice, that's probably it for her, but it really can't hurt to ask a girl out twice.

Good luck for the prom (you're going to need it I'm afraid) but let us know how it works out and good luck for your future as well. You're in a great period of your life and you should be looking forward to having a lot of fun with and without girls.

wow nice poem

wow thx alot ill try and the other girl i asked she aint going to the prom so im stuck

Nice post, Finn.

I am ashamed i had arrived late to this thread. But i am defenitely intriged about your situation. So what had happened? So the girl you thought to ask said no. Didn´t you had any alternatives for that outcome?

I think almost everyone told you to ask as many girls you can. That is the best bet always.

Girls are as scared and have the same or even more social pressure than us in this kind of matters. So if you still need a date. I suggest you move inmediately and start asking for a girl that can be interested. I can assure you that there are girls that are suffering right now either for not beeing invited by a boy or because of a parent bullying them.

I understand your feeling. I didn´t develop my interest in the opposite sex untill university. Anything before that girls where just strange creatures from other dimension. I was too an introverted smart boy. And i still am, but the experiences are what will help you in the future when the correct girl comes.

So f*ck what your father want. Do it for yourself. To learn, to explore, to grow.

One more thing, beuty is an ilussion. True beauty comes from inside, physical beauty is a scam. Its all about production. Many girls put their best for look pretty for such kind of events. You will be very impressed of how much a girl can look like beautyful woman on a prom or at a dance. Finaly we end falling in love with the person. Not for the mask.

My elementary school had a semi-formal dance for the 8th grade class. I expected to go with a group of girls, but the best part was shopping in snazzy big stores in Baltimore for a great dress. One of my classmates was going to moving to the West Coast with his family at the end of the school year, he was a neighbor and had a bunch of brothers and sisters so we all grew up playing in the dirt, climbing trees and his mom had killer Halloween parties. I was baffled when he asked if I would go with him to the dance, I mean everybody was going, I figured he wanted his mom or my mom to drive. So I was happy all the way up until the next day at school, when the boys started teasing that I was Stevie's girlfriend. I started hating the idea of the dance, hated everything about it and had a miserable time. Poor Steve probably had a miserable time because of me.

I know that many children at that age are very comfortable with the idea of having a girl friend or boy friend, I just wasn't comfortable with the couple concept. It felt weird. I really should have stayed home. And looking back after many, many years I feel awful about Steve, I am probably his idea of snooty stuck up, you name it. Steve was my childhood pal, I was insecure and embarrassed that the other kids called him my boyfriend. If I could go back in time, I would be a better sport.

I think what I'm trying to say is sometimes boys or girls behave badly because they simply aren't fully equipped for those forced social occasions. I was taller than all the boys, and just didn't see them back then as anything other than playmates or fellow students. It was at least another year before I developed a crush on a boy and even more years before I started to date. Everybody progresses at their own pace. I loved my dress, Steve was a great pal growing up but the boys giggling completely unnerved me.

Maybe your Dad will see that it's OK for you to go by yourself and mingle with your friends. If you do invite someone to go, I hope you have a good time. Don't let my bad behaviour story frighten you. I was simply uncomfortable, not waiting for a better looking boy, or trying to make another child uncomfortable. But regrettably that's probably how my old friend felt. And I still feel badly about that decades later, wish I knew how to find him, I owe him an apology.

You're young, give yourself a break. We get old too soon.

I hope this helps, but at 12 I was more rattled over the teasing. And as my father loudly pointed out, I had been rude and he didn't call me a horses's ass but I quickly figured out that the ramifications of behaviour unbecoming was not excused in my house , certainly not by reacting to taunts. I never liked the idea that my parents would be disappointed by my behaviour....wish I thought that thru before the dance.

Thank u, Wolfy.





David

In seventh grade a guy asked me to go to a movie. I must have just nodded or murmured, can't remember that part. Packy asked me out?

This was the horrible date of all time for both of us, so the rest of you posters should just relax, **** happens, we did it for you. As it happens, I did not know that word, ****, back in 1954.

I sort of liked him. Well, any way, he picked me up at our house, met my mother. I suppose he thought we were rich. Someone with similar name gave a lot of money to the church. We were in the meantime working our tuna cans. I think his father worked at the ice house. My own view was that he was funny, big plus.

On the way to the bus I asked him everything I could think of to ask, lot of nada, and then topped it by asking if liked basketball. He was quite short.
Bad question. I played basketball badly myself, but never mind.

We then endured the movie, Taza, son of Cochise, bus back and forth. No more talk. At our door I said. Thank you very much. And he murmured something.

Please, learn from me.
Now I hope Packy is well.

That 's a beautiful post, Dr. Luis.
WELCOME to the forum!

Perhaps u can contribute your medical insights
concerning the mental health of this fellow, if u feel like it:

http://able2know.org/topic/245743-1





David