Is this short script correct?

Reply Wed 29 Jan, 2014 06:46 am
Hello I am not a native English speaker so I will really appreciate if you tell me whether this short script is correct or not:


(It's a picture of the script so that it doesn't get indexed).
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Reply Wed 29 Jan, 2014 03:59 pm

Yes it's okay, but it contains quite a lot of specialist jargon.
Reply Sat 1 Feb, 2014 09:39 am
Thank you McTag!

I know that there is a lot of terminology but my main concern was about the grammar, and I'm glad that it's okay.
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