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Transfer Essay to UMCP Feedback? All help is much appreciated! <3

 
 
Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2014 01:38 pm
I would like some feedback on the content of my essay. Whether it is boring or any tips to help improve it would be truly helpful. I'm an international transfer student so all the help I can get is much appreciated. This is what I have so far.

During my fourth year of high school, I joined an information technology design competition. Representing the school was a spur of the moment decision; however, I considered the challenge as a learning opportunity and a way to test my abilities. Despite the constant pressure, the competition inspired me to pursue a course that brought out my love for code, design and logic. I entered the University of Santo Tomas in order to broaden my view in my study of Computer Science. I learned the different programming languages and the logic behind them which piqued my interest since it was quite similar to puzzle solving. Along with structured coding I also studied database management and different security threats such as viruses and spyware which I found most interesting.

When I was given the choice to stay in the Philippines or continue my education in the University of Maryland College Park by my mother, I came to realize that my former university's Computer Science program was not what I was looking for. Since we were imminently migrating to the United States, I also realized that my previous university's program was more business-oriented while I sought after a more software development and security-based program. While researching about the university, I was thrilled to discover that UMCP offers its students the chance to work with professors in independent research or study. By attending UMCP, I hope to deepen my knowledge of cyber security and software development while gaining work- or project-related experiences. I also plan to participate and volunteer in the CPIC program the university has and eventually pursue a Master's degree in graduate school.

I am excited to meet the academic challenges that UMCP has to offer and I am certain that I will grow under the university's guidance and direction.

Thanks also in advance. Smile
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,729 • Replies: 3
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dalehileman
 
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Reply Wed 8 Jan, 2014 02:22 pm
@azureskyline,
To me, Sky, it seems well written. Without revealing anything critical, what's your nat'l and how long have you been esl
azureskyline
 
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Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2014 08:36 am
@dalehileman,
I am a Filipino and I migrated in August 2013. I have been in ESL for about 3 months and I finished just this Dec 2013. Thank you very much for your input. Smile
dalehileman
 
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Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2014 12:31 pm
@azureskyline,
My pleasure, Az
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