Where to draw the line in kids' competitive sports?

I'd say he's likely living vicariously through these kids as he probably won't get the opportunity to coach a high profile high school team or division one college team which I expect is his ultimate goal. Win by any means possible in order to move onto bigger and better things perhaps.


I figure that winning trumps all other reasons in this guy's playbook.

I know it's not basketball, but this link article is wditten by England Football striker, Gary Lineaker, the person who has scored the most goals for England, so he should know what he's talking about.
He's now retired and makes his living as a Sports TV Presenter, and advertises a well known brand of crisps (chips).
Ovdr here, it seems that it's the parents rather than the coaches who seem to be the main problem.

My view is that sport should primarily be a fun thing to bdgin with, and let the competition element come through naturally as they get older.


Snippet from article.....
"t’s obvious, then, why we have a long-ball culture: the big lads who can kick it furthest are the ones that stand out. What chance for the diminutive yet gifted midfielder? No chance of him developing his tiki-taka football. The only way to get to the other end of the pitch is to belt it and then belt it again.

This madness is only exacerbated by the maniacal parents on the touchline spouting nonsense at their children. The competitive nature of most mums and dads is astounding. The fear they instil in our promising but sensitive Johnny is utterly depressing. We need a parental cultural revolution. If we could just get them to shut the f**k up and let their children enjoy themselves, you would be staggered at the difference it would make.

Having four boys myself, I have stood on the sidelines of countless games, spanning many years. Oh, the drivel I have heard, the abuse I have witnessed, the damage I have seen done. Promising young players barked at by clueless dad. “Don’t mess with it there.” “Just kick it.” “Stop f**king about.” I could go on. I have seen a father pick his son up by the scruff of the neck and yell in his face: “You’ll never make it playing that crap.”

Occasionally, I’ve intervened and expressed my view that they are being a hindrance. The reactions have varied from acknowledgement and genuine interest to complete disgust that I should stick my nose in.

Incidentally, I never shouted anything other than encouragement from a touchline . . . to both teams. My father was generally reserved on the touchline but he did lose it once after I swore at a referee when I was about 14. He got the coach to take me off. I learned a lesson that day.

Some of the academies around the country have introduced a rule that parents must be quiet and only applaud. This has allowed talented young players to express themselves on the field, to take people on, to try a trick, all without the dreaded, predictable rubbish cascading into their ears. This is a very good thing. Who cares who wins an under-eights game? Who cares if a youngster makes a mistake? It’s how we learn......"

http://www.newstatesman.com/2013/10/pushy-parents-screaming-abuse-sidelines-are-killing-their-kids-love-football

I don't know the WHY, but this kind of behavior should not be tolerated by the league organizers and officials. If he gets so many complaints, why isn't he relieved of his duties?

Blame the system that tolerates, not him. He's a jerk; they condone it.

Make your concerns known to league organizers.

Oh there is also that. I've seen those sorts of parents too. My older daughter last year (her last at travel) had a team that had several parents like that. I used to sit kinda by myself to avoid it - most gyms you can spread out a bit. But on one occassion where we were kind of tight -I found myself apologising to some of the other team's parents. I felt bad about what some of the parents were saying.

Fortunately right now - although we do have definately the competitiveness factor - most parents on my younger daughter's team seem pretty mild; more encouraging with both teams. Although who knows what will happen this weekend.

Any way - I think this sort of thing definately applies to all sports - thanks for the article.

Good points. The tournament (and in general tournaments themselves) are all outside of the league. They are sponsored by various organizations. They are run for a weekend (Fri - Sun) and typically include one or two games over first two days - that slate where you are seeded - the last day is one where you play against whoever depending on seeding - you lose you go home; you win you go to one or two more games with usually a championship where you get something trival like a t-shirt saying you are the tournaments champ.

So his cheating was done outside the league. Being a group of many small towns within an hours drive of each other - we tend to know people that live in other towns thus how we knew this guy cheated. And it is dumb because everyone knows everyone once you start playing so that is most likely how he was caught someone show a girl they knew was older playing.

But we have had incidents where coaches we "asked" to quit their positions - actually one in my town (of which we did not live there at the time, but had played against him) and one in another because of them being over the top. No doubt if he continues this way there will be complaints.

Mo's football team made it to the championship this year.

At the final game we could hear their coach berating his players from across the field. He was positively foaming at the mouth.

We scored with only a few minutes left, bringing us ahead and he positively lost his ****. One of his players punched a referee in the chest then started kicking him. The refs stopped the game. The police were called to manage the "crowd" and to ensure that our players wouldn't be harassed or hurt on the way out.

These are 7th and 8th graders.

Yes, absolutely they scout the other teams. The private high schools scout the jr. teams to see who they might want to recruit. It's nuts.

I could see potentially in high school - especially if the private schools give out athletic scholorships - almost like college, they can get higher tuition more applications if they have a strong sports program as well as academics.

But younger than that it is crazy.

The worry I have is because of this coach - Í hear many parent saying how much they want to our girls to win this game; the girls are reacting similarly feeding off the parents. And I worry about the tension at the game itself - it will be ugly I have a feeling.

I spoke with my daughter about this - because of course she knew (one of parents told me when I was picking my daughter up from practice) - but my daughter knew as the girls must have talked about it. She actually said she couldn't believe how much that coach wants to win - in her words - its just a game! And my little girl is extremely competitive - she gets mad at herself when I take her to the gym to practice and she misses shots.

It is so bad though when the bad behavior is reflected in the kids as well - but what are they supposed to do - their coach is their model.

The funny thing is - the game we played that this coach was watching - his two best players sat out most of the second half - we were playing a very weak team and when this happens he pulls the stronger players to allow the weaker ones to get extra playing time.

Not sure how much the coach got out of it - especially since our coach is tweaking our plays a bit and re-naming them.

Oh my god! Recruitment at the 7th grade levels. At least they're not sneaking in steroids -- I hope.

I am sure it is crazy - I was at the gym last year with my little one - 10 last year. She was competing in a free throw contest - she was our state champ and was going to compete at the NE regional level next. While she was practicing, this man was watching her. He came and told that she was very good - and suggested me thinking about having her recruited to a private school.

He went on to explain that she reminded him of his daughter at that age - she got recruited to this exclusive private school free tuition and then went on to play college ball.

I guess they do start young. I want her to compete, but I let her decide to what degree and level. As long as she is loving it. I don't think she would want to go to this school - and they may require her to stay there - she (and I) would not want that. She has time later (college) to decide on that level of recruitment if she so is good enough and wants to.

I survived and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There was definately tension which did rub off on the girls. Some of our better players did not do as well. We quickly feel behind 8 - 0, but then all of a sudden we woke up. Ended winning 15-14 very physical and defensive game with lots of pushing falling - these little girls fight, unbelieveable (proud mom moment - my little one had 9 of the 15 points).

Any way - I think it helps that the coaches and teams sit opposite the stands. Last year the coaches and teams were right on the side of the stands. That way we can focus on the playing and not that damn loud mouth walking up and down and screaming on the side lines right in front of us. He was yelling at the poor girls on his team a lot. I felt bad for them.