I don't know if I'm right or wrong?

This is NOT her child and she was being honest with you about that.

Why doesn't she know your daughter? Or does she?

Yes, those teen years are rough, especially if the teen is having issues/problems.

Is there trouble in your daughter's life?

She knows my daughter very well they get on quite well, my daughter has had problems like most teenage girls but nothing bad. I just feel it's a bit unfair to allow one and not the other ?

You asked a hypothetical and she answered casually.

Have you had a SERIOUS talk about this? What plans, rules and arrangements are going to happen because of this.

Why can't you put your efforts into fixing the situation between her and her mum instead of moving the child into your home?

We have talked and talked about it, we've had a big raw over it. I am trying fix the problem with my daughter and her mum. I must add I have a good relationship with my daughters mum and we try and do what's best for our children. If my daughter was to come live with my partner and I, there would obviously be house rules that she would have to live by. I just find it unfair that my partner would except her own but not mine, she also said she would have reevaluate our relationship is her child would want to live with us. If in the end my daughter does want to come live with us should I look at reevaluating our relationship too ?

I must add that I get on well with my partners children. Our children all get on well with each other also and I would have no trouble in having my partners children live with us if they so wanted to...

Yeah, I'd be reevaluating my relationship with my partner if they said no to my child coming to live with us, especially when HER child would be welcomed. You have a major problem. Sorry to hear that, but it's just not right. You picked the wrong partner, IMO.

Agree with Mame.

Paul said- "I have a teenage daughter that lives with her mum that wants to come and live with my partner and I. My partner doesn't want her to come live with us"
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If you let your daughter come, your partner will be picking on her all the time and you don't want them bad vibes in the house.
But if daughter's really, really unhappy and very depressed living with her mum you'll have to decide whether to be a good dad and take her into your home even though partner won't like it.

i hope to yell that what she said was "i am against this but if this is what you want ok, and make sure you never tell daughter that i was not crazy about this change".

i cant imagine being stupid enough to marry a woman who is so fucked in the head about family that she would tell me that my kid cant come to live with us.

Thank you, I thought for a while I was loosing my sense of reasoning...for us to be together I've had to move over 70 miles away from my family and friends. While I understand not wanting to move away from your home town, somewhere in the middle would have been fair, the fact that I have been prepared to move all that way for her and she was not prepared to do so makes feel that she doesn't love me as much as I thought or at least as much as I love her...

Thank you for your reply. Sorry I've not done this before
, what does IMO mean ?

It's difficult when you want to see your perspective comfortable in the mind of someone else and you could also feel that the person is feeling uncomfortable irrationally.

In the folk tale "The Little Mermaid" (Hans Christian Andersen), an innocent and optimistic mermaid (sea nymph woman) makes a pact with a cunning sea witch to obtain a human body which she must use in a gambling contest to win the affections of a human prince.

It seems tempting to gamble our fortunes so as to see our view or perspective celebrated by others. A nice compromise plan is to ask your partner to meet you half way ---- "Even if you do not like my children, will you at least spend a small amount of time with them while I am with them?"

IMO - in my opinion

Thank you :-)

Do you know the Chinese symbol for war is two women under one roof?

I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for this, but I suggest that you NOT bring the daughter into your house at this time.

When you got together two years ago, there were no children living with you. Now you are suggesting that a troubled 14 year old join in. Besides, the fact that your partner does not have her children with her shows she just is not into raising kids on a day to day basis.

Just because you get along "great" with your daughter is no indication that you can deal with her on a day to day basis. Besides, a father's perception of raising a daughter is a long way from what is actually needed for a "troubled" female adolescent.

Please get counseling for you, your ex and this child. Let the counselor hel p you decide if your daughter really needs to live with you now.

Thank you for your reply, your right flack is coming your way... first of all my daughter is not troublesome. Certainly not troublesome to the degree that every one needs counseling. Far from it. My ex wife and I have a very good understanding and we always do what's best for our children. We have raised our children together very well, better that most people I might ad. My daughter wanted to live with me and my new partner. I do get that my new partner is not possibly into raising kids on a day to day basis. The fact that she is willing to let her own child live with us suggest otherwise. I think we are both well aware of what's needed to raise children on a day to day basics too. The argument is that my partner would let her own child move in with us if the child wanted to, yet she would not let mine. We also understood that to a certain degree that our children would come not necessary come first but equal to each other and us. We took each other on knowing we had children from past relationships. We live in a house we own together and made OUR home. I feel that OUR children should be welcome in OUR home, what normal parents would think otherwise ?


URL: http://able2know.org/reply/post-5500730

I agree with you. It must have been obvious, if not discussed, that there would be a possibility of either of your kids coming to live with you, so I find it disturbing that she would allow her child to move in, but not yours. There's a big disconnect in your relationship that needs to be worked out ASAP. I wouldn't live with someone who told me my child was unwelcome to live with us. Not for a minute. What kind of thinking is that? Where's the justification for it?

And ignore Punkey - she usually just shoots from the mouth without thinking things through.