@bobsal u1553115,
It’s not delusional squat bobsal.It’s reality.
Bring yourself “int9 the moment” and stay there…if you can…lol.I promise you,you won’t be able to stay there.
However,you will have purposefully took control of which of the two consciousness states you wish to be in (probably for the first time in your case, by the sound of things).
If you don’t take control in this way you will still “toggle” between the consciousness states my friend,in unawareness.
You are clearly unaware that you are unaware that you can take control in this way.