I am pregnant by my MM

What is an MM?

contrex, MM = married man.

This child is the product of an affair.

Now, advice to the original poster -

1. Tell your husband WTF is going on. There is every possibility that he will leave you over this. But you need to tell him because (a) it's going to come out at some point, anyway, and you would have at least a chance of not being rejected and (b ) it's monumentally unfair to ask him to shoulder the financial and emotional burdens of a child that is not his and (c ) wackier things have happened and it may turn out that this child is, biologically, your husband's. But he should still know about the affair and he should still know that there are doubts. And he should be given the opportunity to walk away or adopt this child or whatever he wants to do, but he needs to be presented with all of the facts so that he can make an informed decision. Do it now, before he gets too emotionally invested. The man deserves that much.
   
2. When affairs end (and this one has ended, even if you do not acknowledge that yet), I usually tell people to avoid all contact and delete nostalgic junk and contact information. But there is a child here and so all bets are off. Now it is a financial responsibility. Time for you to leave a phone message for this jerk that says something along the lines of, this is your child, you cannot hide from that. I fully expect you to man up and take financial and emotional responsibility. If you cannot, I will see to it that a court requires you to do so. You have 10 days.
   
3. Is #2 not nice? You betcha. But denial and delaying are not going to put shoes on that kid's feet. In particular, if your husband leaves you, you are going to need this money. I recognize that it may be tough and it may feel unromantic and mercenary to think and behave this way, but you need to become the advocate for this child. And that means, during that 10-day period (or 30, or whatever, but give him a set amount of time. Don't let him dick you around forever), retain the services of an attorney. You may or may not need a lawyer, but at least start getting that duck lined up. BTW, you will not need to tell this guy's wife. If he agrees to pay, then she will know once she sees the $$ going out of their checking account every month. If he does not agree to pay, then she'll learn when he's served with a subpoena.
   
4. Seriously consider counseling, either alone or marriage counseling if your husband decides to stay with you. Find out what was missing from your marriage that made it attractive for you to not only stray but get involved enough so as to get pregnant. And also develop some coping mechanisms. This will not necessarily be a happy ending. But at least it can be an ending where everyone is honest and above board, and this child – who is innocent in all of this, let's not forget - does not starve, and has a chance at life.

Also - lest anyone think I am here to shame anyone, etc., or blame the baby daddy or whatever - bottom line, this is a kid who needs a home, an education, etc. There is every chance that this child will grow up in poverty if this woman's husband leaves her in the lurch, as it seems the baby daddy is doing, too. And I absolutely favor telling the husband, and it should be Job One. As in, turn off the computer, right now, and tell him. Because a child deserves to know his parents (and their genetically-carried diseases, at the barest minimum) and a person who may be on the hook for a good million $$ in support should know if the person they are supporting is a blood relative or not.

What a god damn mess and it is the baby that is in the cross hairs of anything that will go wrong here.

Off hand, I can not see too must likelihood of things going even semi good either unless she have a saint for a husband.

How long were you involved with MM. ? How long were you involved with the affair?

For the most part affairs occur when partners are not happy with their relationship. All be it that they don't bother trying to fix it they go outside for adventure instead. Anyway, does he have children do you?

From my experience purely with Forums an affair is exactly that, there is no love just lust and the want and desire that either party isn't getting at home.

If he is now ignoring you, he wants to stay with his other half. As he always did. In my opinion.

I appreciate you see love ... I don't think he does given the time frame that he hasn't contacted you.

So what are you going to do?

Your husband does not deserve to think that the child is his, given that he /s he is not.

What ever the future. He deserves to know the truth and if your MM doesn't come back? You need to realise this is a human being, a little one, that needs so much love and feeling a part of a life.

If you had an affair then things are not right at home. If you bring this child into this World make sure he/she has all the love he / she needs and deserves.

When the baby is born is it going to look anything like your husband or is it going to be an instant giveaway? ... just kidding

The obvious right thing to do is just to tell everyone the truth and let the chips fall where they may. But since you were already having an affair you will probably choose the path of subterfuge. If so, prepare for a life of constant guilt and stress dreading the day when your child needs an organ transplant from a genetic donor and the whole net of lies you'll have to spin will ensnare you.

By the way, if the married man initially wanted you to get an abortion and you argued with him, it doesn't mean he changed his mind (even if he says so), it probably means he just got tired of arguing with you.

(Summary: Put the baby's needs first, endure the payment that will have to come from your actions, move on, and try not to make the same mistakes again.)

In most (probably, all) states here in the US...the legal "father" of the child will be your legal husband, regardless of biology. Not really sure...some research will have to be done that I'm not especially interested in doing.

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No that simple the presume father is the husband however and even more fun if the man does not know about the situation at once an take legal steps not to be consider the father he will need to paid the lady child support even if it then come out that he is not the father in most states.

She might wish to do some research to how long she would need to fool her husband before he can not get out of supporting the child in her state as somehow I do not think that her MM is going to offer her any support.

Love indeed.............

Definitely true in some states. Minnesota for example:

1. listen to Jespah

2. listen to Jespah

get on with your life


(p.s. you are no longer in an affair with a MM. that is over)

Is there ANY chance that this could be your husband's baby?

Your lover has spoken. He wants nothing to do with this unwanted pregnancy.
You can count him out on all accounts . . .

You will have to establish paternity before you can do anything else. Have you told your husband about the pregnancy (not the affair, just about the pregnancy)?

Punkey - read the original post. She says her husband thinks this is his child.

Read.

The state does not care for the most part who is the real father as long as it can find someone to paid the bills other then the state.

An once more in a large numbers of states the husband would have to legally challenge his fatherhood within a very narrow time window as otherwise it will no longer matter.

So she can find out this time window and hope she can pass the baby as her husband until the time window for him being able to challenge his fatherhood to have pass.

Below in an interesting New York time article on the state of the laws for children born inside a marriage by cheating wives

That must be the most complete and correct advise I've ever seen here.

I am slightly taken aback by the thought that the OP is so used to having it away with married men that she has a standard abbreviation ("MM") for them. Or is this just the way younger people write these days?

Hey, thanks!

PS contrex - I've seen the MM abbreviation elsewhere.

MM is a standard abbreviations - similiar (but obviously different) to DH, DMIL, OM, SO etc

about 10/15 years ago I used to participate in a food board that was all about abbreviations for describing relationships - took me ages to figure it out who people were talking about

nothing to do with younger people using those abbreviations - the average age of the posters on that food board was over 50 at that time

I assumed she was banging her postal carrier...

(I ruled out Mickey Mouse)