19
   

An (Un)Healthy Obsession?

 
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 05:49 pm
@Mame,
Thank you!

This is why I asked -- to see if any other parent had a kid get so obsessed with something.

It's good to know that it happens to others.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:00 pm
@boomerang,
"I think it's very complicated."
Yes on that.

Uh oh, I have a couple of strange videos for him (back later, for you to see first, you'll both probably hate them, any sane person would).

I still am for all this, with you being watchful. Don't know about talking with 'Ben', how that works, involving him in the question. Maybe, maybe not. Also slightly buttinsky. And to have the three of you talk about it - seems too soon (to me).
Lola
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:06 pm
@boomerang,
I wonder, Boomerang if you're feeling some separation pangs. The reality of gradual separation, as a child grows up and takes on more and more self control and competence is the hardest part of being a parent. While we love to see them grow and mature, it's still hard in that other way. If that is what's happening, it would be understandable.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:08 pm
@ossobuco,
The thread:

http://able2know.org/topic/175616-1

the videos: these idiots are all good young golfers, pretty high up there on the lists (believe it or not)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM2NocuEihw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-XasXBt5t8&feature=related


Read it all, only 3 pages, good thread, smiles.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:16 pm
@Thomas,
I do worry about him having addiction issues. I've read a lot about the genetic component of addiction and know that his bio family on both sides have had serious addictions. So yeah, there's that.

The counselors at Mo's school operate as counselors and won't discuss with parents what the child discusses with them. A parent can talk to the counselors about concerns they have but everything that happens between the kid and the counselor is confidential.

I agree this seems like a non destructive way to spend time. But it is pretty physically demanding and I'm surprised no one has brought up young bodies and repetitive motion injuries and the like. I worry about that stuff too.

Quote:
You can also teach him how to tell if an addiction is taking over his life, how to think about his trigger-action-reward cycle, and how to manage it accordingly.


I could teach him that if I knew how to tell when it was at a tipping point. That's why I asked this question.
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:21 pm
@Lola,
I am proud of him. He's growing up to be this really interesting person, very solid and thoughtful. He's a good kid.

Quote:
it's called a sublimation and is among the highest forms of defensive mechanisms known to man


If you were assigning me this as homework would i be studying "sublimation" or the broader term "defense mechanisms"?
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:28 pm
@Lola,
I don't think that's it. He does a lot of stuff that I'm not included in and I'm totally fine with that. I remember the lesson from the attachment therapist we saw -- that it's about being responsive to each other, not suffocating to each other. To be honest, I'm absolutely delighted to see him pull away and become more independent because I was kind of suffocated by him for years.

I was thinking today about how I'd always been warned about the horrors parent's experience when their child starts puberty but for us it's been the opposite -- Mo's really mellowed. I'm just kind of baffled.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 06:37 pm
@ossobuco,
That golf thread is great.

Golf is on TV all the time at my house. I usually know who the leaders are even though I don't watch.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 07:01 pm
@boomerang,
I just reread it and the third page is more interesting than I first thought, re younger players. Not that Mo should aim for that, but that such interest isn't unusual.

I just rewatched the videos. You may or may not know I can't get into youtube because my computer can't upgrade to the newest adobe - but I can get in sometimes if I click a link, even if I'm ossobuco.

The tall hairy guy, Bubba Watson, won the Masters in 2012. Hunter Mahan - He is a winner of two World Golf Championship events, the 2010 WGC-Bridgestone Invitational and the 2012 WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship.
Rickie Fowler and Ben Crane also good. I crack up, bad singers like me making such a dumbass video enthusiastically.


What's my point - the same as yours, I think. Tipping point into scary and overwhelming, I see watching for that. Enjoyment of his enjoyment, I see enjoying it.
0 Replies
 
Ice Demon
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 07:45 pm
@boomerang,
In other words you son has golf OCD.
Your son has become a golf nut. Embrace, don't denounce. Razz
Thomas
 
  3  
Reply Sat 23 Mar, 2013 08:08 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:
I could teach him that if I knew how to tell when it was at a tipping point. That's why I asked this question.

And that's what I suggest you discuss with "Ben", in a general way that doesn't reveal any specific information he received from Mo. The information you received from Mo is not under lock. You can tell "Ben" what you know. As a school counsellor, "Ben" is trained in how to watch out for such things like addictions and tipping points. He also is likely to have been-there-done-that experience he can share with you without directly referring to any students he's counselling.
0 Replies
 
IRFRANK
 
  3  
Reply Tue 26 Mar, 2013 10:45 am
@boomerang,
Quote:
I think it's really interesting that he will go up there and play around on his own. He likes it that there's "no pressure and I can just work on some stuff and think about things and try to get better at it".


When I was in my teens my Dad got me interested in golf. I used to play a lot by myself. His comments about no pressure and working on stuff are well founded. If there's no one in behind you, you can throw down a few balls and practice. No harm. If you aren't holding anyone up, most courses don't care. Many people do it. Sounds like he's hooked to me. It's not a bad sport. Now if he starts hanging around in the bar afterward, that may be a problem. Smile
0 Replies
 
IRFRANK
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Mar, 2013 10:50 am
@Ice Demon,
Quote:
In other words you son has golf OCD.
Your son has become a golf nut. Embrace, don't denounce. Razz


Exactly
0 Replies
 
dalehileman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Mar, 2013 10:55 am
@boomerang,
Quote:
…….wondering if I should try to rein it in………..I do worry about him having addiction issues.
I'm jealous?
It's subconscious, subliminal

Quote:
I could go play golf all day, every day, if I wanted to.
You misunderstand. Not jealous of his ability but of its attraction for him

Much as my own BH remarks on my preoccupation with a2k and The Web
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Mar, 2013 09:10 am
When my oldest nephew was 11 he was obsessed with Pokemon cards. He loved them and shared with me all the complexity of these magic cards. He is now 25, lives in Austin, Texas and is still obsessed with the Pokemon thing. He participates with other Pokemon devotees and must find it enjoyable. It's lost on me, it strikes me as tedious as dungeons and dragons. About now I wish he would get interested in being outside playing golf, actually I would be thrilled if he started looking for a job.

But you know your child, if you're concerned maybe its something subtle you detect. Sometimes that's difficult to convey on a forum. Just don't ignore your instincts. Lets hope it's a passing fancy, maybe it's an escape from kids he finds boring.
FreeDuck
 
  3  
Reply Thu 28 Mar, 2013 12:51 pm
@boomerang,
When I first read your initial post I thought that addiction issues would be your concern. I don't know enough about that to advise, but I was thinking Mo might be a "deep diver". I was at that age -- I'd submerge myself in something until there was nothing left to learn about it and then move on to another interest. My advice is much like everyone else's. See what happens when he returns to school. Overall it sounds like Mo has really blossomed.

Oh, and that video game thing really gets my goat. I noticed Duckie talks way meaner and more obnoxiously to his friends when he plays those games and we've had many talks about it and he has been disconnected from games more than once for it. It's probably up there with harmless trash talk but I can't stand it.
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Mar, 2013 04:52 pm
@FreeDuck,
DUCKY!!!!!! Good to see you!
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Mar, 2013 07:34 pm
@dlowan,
Hiya bunny!
0 Replies
 
barbieNony66
 
  0  
Reply Fri 29 Mar, 2013 07:11 am
I worked at a company where the golfers comprised the inner circle so I totally believe you.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Mar, 2013 09:24 am
@glitterbag,
in our neighborhood there is a small shop that turns in to a pokeman club on Saturday nights --it is packed with grown men so I know a bit about adults who are still hooked.

I think I've just never seen Mo quite so hooked on anything. he's played every day for the last two weeks and he talks about it when he's not playing. School starts back on Monday and I'm hoping he doesn't have trouble getting back in the swing of thungs.
 

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