A little help please...

Forums: Parody, Tsar-Bot, Bloody Spambot, Merely A Flesh Wound
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Hey guys! I was making my breakfast. A bowl of raisin bran and skim milk and then ooops... I accidentally sawed off part of my arm from the elbow down. I think I lost a liter ... a liter and a half of blood onto the floor.

Those who advocate using herbal alternative medicine believe that the natural approach to conditions and disease uses the healing power of the body with the enhancement of herbal medications to cure and relieve symptoms.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Michale Switchblade Doawson

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Type: Discussion • Score: 9 • Views: 2,629 • Replies: 21

@tsarstepan,

Borrow some duct tape from the GA Plumber dude and wrap that sucker back on!

0 Replies

@tsarstepan,

Myself belongs to Europe new member of this forum. I hope to get entertained with a lot of noleeze about herbal bakefeasts!
Tank You,
Leaner Whittler

1 Reply

@Walter Hinteler,

Turkey is a good, lean protein, essential to solid nutrition. And although you may not feel like it, eating can help give your body energy to fight illness. Try adding cranberry sauce for a spike of flavor and comfort-food taste.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Turkey isnot in the EU!

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

I suggest a little homeopathy:

Saw off your other arm (you can set up a table saw one-handed, right?)
Blend it up.
Dump it in the river, so that the river is "imprinted" with your genetic code. (You saw Prometheus, right?)
Drink water upstream of where you dumped in the chum.
Wait for your arm(s) to regrow.

You may need assistance with steps two and three.

1 Reply

@Walter Hinteler,

Are Turkish amputees Lhotshamputees?

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Only when they lost a game of strip poker.

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@tsarstepan,

Well, honey, any fool knows that munching fennel seeds from your home grown fennel plant will make you fennel up.

The plant is commonly misnamed as anise in markets across america, which is quite annoying.

This reminds me of a precious paperback cookbook, but never mind.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fennel#Medicinal_uses

Disclaimer: this is a parody, including of myself.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Ossobuco con i finocchi ...

1 Reply

@Walter Hinteler,

Don't you dare call me Pinocchio!

Oh, wait, is ossobuco ever cooked with fennel? Very clever, Walter, if so. Personally, for the gremolata I've used swiss chard (silverbeet) that I had on hand. Which brings up the matter of bitter, lots of friends don't like bitter greens.. and I didn't even guess anyone would consider chard seriously bitter. What should I doooooooo?

Amputation seems rather hostile.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

ossobuco wrote:

lots of friends don't like bitter greens..

You should use Hallertau hops for brewing beer ...

1 Reply

@Walter Hinteler,

Not me..
but my grandfather apparently (and maybe for only a short time, or not, since there is a tract with his name or someone else's similar name) had a hop farm in Sonoma County -

here's a more recent example -

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4151/4962216426_75dd76e869.jpg

But wait, how are hops going to fix Tsar's arm?

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

He could use one of the sticks ...

1 Reply

@Walter Hinteler,

Aha, brilliant. Plus there is handy wire.

0 Replies

@DrewDad,

Wouldn't that be DOWN stream?

As for the arm......wiggle it around in that mixture you put plant cuttings in to make them grow.

Easy peasy!

1 Reply

@dlowan,

dlowan wrote:

Wouldn't that be DOWN stream?

That's disgusting.

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Another thread about bearing arms!
Give it a rest, already.

1 Reply

@George,

I'm exercising my right to bear arms!

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

You mean the right to arm bears.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c194/psijac/beararms.jpg

0 Replies

A little help please...

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