In the year 2013 the Pittsburgh Pirates will stun everyone by winning 120 games and then going on to win the World Series, successfully sweeping the Seattle Mariners. During the same time frame, the New York Yankees will win a total of 44 games, setting a record (although clearly not a good one).
Elsewhere in sports, The New York Mets will be purchased by a Bulgarian conglomerate and will be lost and presumed missing in blizzard in Siberia. No search team will be sent and Citifield will be turned into an amusement park with the new name, BloombergLand, as Mikey makes his last moments in office all about him. Oddly in BloombergLand, cigarettes will be sold by the handful, gallon size containers of double sugar soda will be available as will tubs of transfat and all foods will be prepared with transfats.
The Mets will ultimately be replaced with a new team, The Bloomberg Rats.
Politically, Kristen Gillibrand will switch over to the Republican side when she realizes Harry Reid is her father.
Elsewhere, Christine Quinn will lose the election to Bill DeBlasio who will tap Quinn as the new schools chancellor. She will have a meltdown and mercifully never be seen or heard from again. Bill Thompson, former Comptroller will double check the ballots and realize that he had actually won the mayoral election; but, as the city crumbles he is wise enough not to tell anyone. He moves to Staten Island and retires from public service becoming a criminologist and sci-fi writer.
Con Edison will make it through the summer without cutting anyone's power and will raise the rates as their reward. Soon after, a Bulgarian conglomerate which manufactures ice cream will take over.
In Washington, President Obama will stumble upon a piece of paper which reveals he was actually born in Hilo, not Honolulu as he had been led to believe. This will cause him to become quite aggressive and the Republicans will take notice and do his bidding without sniveling or putting up roadblocks.
Joe Biden will have a few lucid thoughts and won't say things against the administration, soon after he will step down and the President will select as his new V.P. the more than capable Michelle Obama, there will be only one objection... by Nancy Pelosi who will stomp her feet, clench her fists and throw a hissy fit before being carted away.
Flushing Queens and Palo Alto California will become the trendiest spots in the U.S., as will LeHavre France and Bucharest Romania in Europe.
Reality T.V. will cease being so blatantly obvious as to who will be winning each 'season'. In the ensuing chaos, Bobby Flay will fall into a giant vat of mayonnaise while creating 'the best sandwich', the planet will breathe a collective sigh of relief and mayo sales will soar.
20 manuscripts from the late Ernest Hemingway will be located in Spain, they will immediately soar to the top of the New York Times book list and Gretchen Gloppentocher of Hobbes Lane will not be listened to as she screams that they are just a bunch of gibberish...which they will be; but, it's Hemingway, so who cares about what Gretchen thinks or says?
Several de Hirsch Margules paintings will be discovered hidden inside a cave just outside of Paris. They will be purchased by a Bulgarian conglomerate and gifted to the Guggenheim Museum.
Ice cream will be found to be the secret to longevity.
Visitors from a distant galaxy will arrive in September and begin blending in. They will bring with them medical advancements and wisdom. Unfortunately they will also bring a rare collection of hammockbugs causing all Earthlings to giggle uncontrollably for hours at a time.
Other things will happen as well, including the rising of both LeMuria and Atlantis which have been fully populated on their underside since they became submerged.