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Predictions for 2013

 
 
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 07:41 am
Give us your major cultural/sporting/political predictions for the upcoming year of 2013. At the end of the year, I will reward the most accurate, culturally significant post with the coveted Ruban rouge de a2k.

Here's my prediction for sometime this year:
Hipsters will form ironic lynch mobs against other hipsters who use fake old timey handlebar mustaches in any form from black mustached-etched beer glasses held up to the lips, to scarfs and hoodies inscribed with/embroidered with the iconic mustache, to the penned or sharpied mustache drawn on ones pointy finger, etc.... Sadly, men and women who actually have real hair-growing-under-the-nose handlebar mustaches will be caught up in this IRL meme. Quelle trag├ędie!
 
djjd62
 
  4  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 07:46 am
@tsarstepan,
i predict the world will end on 13/13/13 (and it will be a Friday the 13th too, but it will fall on a Tuesday)
0 Replies
 
nothingtodo
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 07:59 am
@tsarstepan,
I predict a room out of earshot of you, will contain God himself and every emotional person in the world will not know it, but they will know something is going on, a percentage greater than >90% of the time, will see that something is definitely peculiar.

Oh no.. Wait, that was another year...
Was it not, monkeh?
Perhaps it will be the same as every other year then... who is up? (then down, so they cannot say it?.. ho ho ho +%-% @ 0, Then up then down to make certain, then down then up to absolutely finish the decade off)
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 08:19 am
@tsarstepan,
In the special election to replace John Kerry, the first Zombie-American will be elected to the United States Senate. This will be hailed as a victory for Zombie Rights everywhere, and they will begin to demand marriages, free Little Debbie snack cakes (TM) and the return of the Flock of Seagulls haircut.

In sports, Tim Tebow will endorse the last Twilight epic for Best Picture Oscar and will be helped off the field by two men in white coats with a nice jacket for him with straps.

Morgan Freeman will narrate, with Meryl Streep playing the part of the cougaresque sorority house mother, Madge McGee-Finkelstein.
farmerman
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 08:41 am
@jespah,
The Boston Red Sox will move to Nacogdoches Texas, just because its a much cooler town to pronounce
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 08:43 am
@farmerman,
But since only Commies wear red, then the Red Sox need to change their name to say, the Blue Sox if they move to Texas and Commies aren't ever welcomed in Texas. :- p
farmerman
 
  3  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 08:48 am
@tsarstepan,
Its MY prediction, **** off.

Just for that, ALL of Lower Manhattan will sink under a huge deluge of sea water as a "SuperDuperStorm, Midred" comes barreling up the bight. The Stashu of Liberty winds up next to The Statue of Casimir Pulaski and the Guggenheim is used as a float.
Foofie
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 09:31 am
My prediction:
1)University studies will confirm that heterosexual males can be turned into homosexual males, in one month, if once a day they sing "On the Good Ship Lollipop," while holding a red lollipop. Oddly, it does not work with other flavor lollipops. The experiment was truncated for orange lollipops when the males became bi-sexual.

2) It will be confirmed through university studies that some highly intelligent children, born to average intelligent parents, represent intelligent ancestors, perhaps, two or more centuries in the past. Mathematicians, working with biologists, will call the period for the relatives in between the prodigies, "The Dumb F*ck Evolutionary Hiatus."

0 Replies
 
nextone
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 10:10 am
@tsarstepan,
(ahem) Texas is a red state.
nothingtodo
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 10:13 am
@farmerman,
Man u make my head itch just lookin at your pointlessness, one day u gonna learn somthin which changes ur attitude.
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  3  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:11 am
@tsarstepan,
In the year 2013 the Pittsburgh Pirates will stun everyone by winning 120 games and then going on to win the World Series, successfully sweeping the Seattle Mariners. During the same time frame, the New York Yankees will win a total of 44 games, setting a record (although clearly not a good one).

Elsewhere in sports, The New York Mets will be purchased by a Bulgarian conglomerate and will be lost and presumed missing in blizzard in Siberia. No search team will be sent and Citifield will be turned into an amusement park with the new name, BloombergLand, as Mikey makes his last moments in office all about him. Oddly in BloombergLand, cigarettes will be sold by the handful, gallon size containers of double sugar soda will be available as will tubs of transfat and all foods will be prepared with transfats.

The Mets will ultimately be replaced with a new team, The Bloomberg Rats.

Politically, Kristen Gillibrand will switch over to the Republican side when she realizes Harry Reid is her father.

Elsewhere, Christine Quinn will lose the election to Bill DeBlasio who will tap Quinn as the new schools chancellor. She will have a meltdown and mercifully never be seen or heard from again. Bill Thompson, former Comptroller will double check the ballots and realize that he had actually won the mayoral election; but, as the city crumbles he is wise enough not to tell anyone. He moves to Staten Island and retires from public service becoming a criminologist and sci-fi writer.

Con Edison will make it through the summer without cutting anyone's power and will raise the rates as their reward. Soon after, a Bulgarian conglomerate which manufactures ice cream will take over.

In Washington, President Obama will stumble upon a piece of paper which reveals he was actually born in Hilo, not Honolulu as he had been led to believe. This will cause him to become quite aggressive and the Republicans will take notice and do his bidding without sniveling or putting up roadblocks.

Joe Biden will have a few lucid thoughts and won't say things against the administration, soon after he will step down and the President will select as his new V.P. the more than capable Michelle Obama, there will be only one objection... by Nancy Pelosi who will stomp her feet, clench her fists and throw a hissy fit before being carted away.


Flushing Queens and Palo Alto California will become the trendiest spots in the U.S., as will LeHavre France and Bucharest Romania in Europe.

Reality T.V. will cease being so blatantly obvious as to who will be winning each 'season'. In the ensuing chaos, Bobby Flay will fall into a giant vat of mayonnaise while creating 'the best sandwich', the planet will breathe a collective sigh of relief and mayo sales will soar.

20 manuscripts from the late Ernest Hemingway will be located in Spain, they will immediately soar to the top of the New York Times book list and Gretchen Gloppentocher of Hobbes Lane will not be listened to as she screams that they are just a bunch of gibberish...which they will be; but, it's Hemingway, so who cares about what Gretchen thinks or says?

Several de Hirsch Margules paintings will be discovered hidden inside a cave just outside of Paris. They will be purchased by a Bulgarian conglomerate and gifted to the Guggenheim Museum.

Ice cream will be found to be the secret to longevity.

Visitors from a distant galaxy will arrive in September and begin blending in. They will bring with them medical advancements and wisdom. Unfortunately they will also bring a rare collection of hammockbugs causing all Earthlings to giggle uncontrollably for hours at a time.

Other things will happen as well, including the rising of both LeMuria and Atlantis which have been fully populated on their underside since they became submerged.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:38 am
@Sturgis,
So we'll be invaded by an army of Bulgarian billionaires? Scary stuff Sturgis. Razz
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:40 am
@nextone,
nextone wrote:

(ahem) Texas is a red state.

Ah!! Now it makes sense. Like Jewish skinheads or closeted gay Republicans, Texans hate Communists because....
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  3  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:42 am
@tsarstepan,
Quote:
So we'll be invaded by an army of Bulgarian billionaires? Scary stuff Sturgis.
Yes; however, it should be noted they do bring good tidings and quite a few new flavors of ice cream including Naurolean Blue, which is a deligthful blend of 31 flavors that has a secret ingredient which helps keep the eater from adding pounds.
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:44 am
@Sturgis,
MMMM! Yummy if unexpected Bulgarian imperialism!
0 Replies
 
nothingtodo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:48 am
@tsarstepan,
Russians shall look to the sky in proud hope for their motherland and the local drug lab and zombie like counterparts shall kill the guy in the big rubber apron, since the fumes are not good for his kids.

When this happens many shall return indoors and deal with their sock covered heating systems, intermittent failures, whilst foreigners ponder the state of the USSR more than them.
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 11:51 am
Conclusive proof that I'm on track already with my own prediction!
TsarofBrooklyn wrote:
handlebaricide 1 thumb up

{{han-dl-bahr-i-sahyd}}
NOUN

1. the killing of a fake handlebar mustachioed-wearing hipster
2. a person who kills a fake handlebar mustachioed-wearing hipster or is responsible for his death; ironic murderer

EXAMPLE:
When the rage became too unbearable for Zoey, she took Clementine's matching florescent pink faux rabbit hair scarf-and-hat set with its embroidered bright red handlebar mustache and strangled the life out of the Brooklyn hipster with it while making sure the embroidered mustache always remained directly under the beatnik's nose.

This act of handlebaricide was ruled as justifiable homicide by the US Supreme Court.


KEYWORDS:
homicide murder ironic murder hipster on hipster violence handlebar rage justifiable homicide
by TsarofBrooklyn Jan 2, 201

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=handlebaricide#
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 04:11 pm
@tsarstepan,
whats this handelbar moustache thing?? Is this some diversion for the Newyawkas?
I once hadda girlfriend who had a handelbar moustache. She was(insert favorite ethnic persuasion of a woman who sports facial hair).
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  0  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 04:41 pm
@jespah,
John Kerry was the first Zombie-American to be elected to office
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  0  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2013 04:44 pm
@tsarstepan,
tsarstepan wrote:

But since only Commies wear red, then the Red Sox need to change their name to say, the Blue Sox if they move to Texas and Commies aren't ever welcomed in Texas. :- p


You know nothing about Texas.

Commies are very welcome here, and there is a permanent invitation for them to join in a rattlesnake roundup... on the side of the serpents.

You're welcome here too of course.
0 Replies
 
 

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