Am I being Insecteous? Please HELP!

This is all very disturbing to me as a born-again Cretaceous Formicidus.

The spoonerism of Fig Newton is almost Nick Futon, who I think is either a furniture-oriented super hero or gumshoe specializing in cases of furniture theft.

Who gives a fig.

Furniture is a moth-eaten topic.

Could be worse. Your ant could be a spider...