proofread a memo

Forums: Writing A Memo
Email this Topic • Print this Page

I am the training manager of a company which has won a large export order. I have been asked to organize foreign language training for some of your staff.
Write a memo to staff:
 Explaining why the courses are necessary
 Saying which members of staff should attend
 Announcing when and where the courses will start
I should write no less 100 words about this.

I wrote the memo. Please help me proofread it according to the requirement above.

Memo

To: Staffs of Sales & International Department
From: Harry Li, Training manager
Date: Sept.12th, 2012
Subject: Foreign language training
Recently, our company has got a large export order. In order to communicate with the foreign customers smoothly and efficiently; and to tackle down the case without a hitch, I have been requested to start a foreign language training.
Staffs of the Sales Department and International Department are required to participate in this training for the reason that you are closely linked to the order. Your performance in the communication with the foreign customers determine whether our company can handle down the case and get a good reputation and gain a firm foothold in the industry. That’s why we take it seriously for the training.
The training will last for 15 days. I hope everyone could get ready for it and spare no effort to improve yourselves. Moreover, to help our company to tackle down the order successfully. At last, the training will be start on Sept.25th, and you are supposed to get the materials for the training from your department secretary before Sept.20th.If there are any problems, please call me as early as possible.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 3,221 • Replies: 4
Topic Closed

[+3] - roger - 09/24/2012Memo To: Staffs of Sales & International Department From: Harry Li, Training manager Date: Sept.12th, 2012 Subject: Foreign language training Recently, our company has got...

@ziawj2,

Memo

To: Staffs of Sales & International Department
From: Harry Li, Training manager
Date: Sept.12th, 2012
Subject: Foreign language training
Recently, our company has got (change to "has received) a large export order. In order to communicate with the foreign customers smoothly and efficiently and to tackle down the case without a hitch (Just delete that part) I have been requested to start a foreign language training. (Add the word "program".)

Staffs of the Sales Department and International Department are required to participate in this training for the reason that (change "for the reason" to "because") you are closely linked to the order. Your performance in the communication (Change "communication" to "communicating". with the foreign customers (add "will") determine whether our company can handle down the case (change "handle down the case" to "handle the project") and get a good reputation and gain a firm foothold in the industry. (Better to just delete "and gain a firm foothold in the industry.") That’s why we take it seriously for the training. (Just delete the entire last sentence)
The training will last for 15 days. I hope everyone could get (change to "will be")ready for it and spare no effort to improve yourselves. Moreover, to help our company to tackle down the order successfully. (Delete that entire sentence fragment) At last, (Change "At last" to "Finally".)the training will be start on Sept.25th, and you are supposed to (Change "are supposed to" to "will") get the materials for the training from your department secretary before Sept.20th. If there are any problems, please call me as early as possible.

The changes might not make it perfect, but it will be much better. The grammar looks fine to me, by the way. Some of the phrases are a little unnatural.

Stop saying "TACKLE DOWN". "Nail down" is neither better nor worse in a grammatical sense, but nobody ever says "tackle down". They just don't.

1 Reply

@roger,

Thank you for your help. Even though I have studied English for twenty years, I can make the changes-very natural! Thank you again.

I am very sorry but is it possible for you to help me proofread another memo which I have made some changes based on the same situation?
Original:
Some of you may have known that (Change to "Through all staff's effort") our company has won a large export order (which ). I am asked to organize a foreign language tranining courese, and some you have to take this course. People who will attend are all members of Sales Department, manager of PR Department, and senior staff of Technology Department.

It is very important because we will be dealing with foreigners and we cannot tolerate communication problems hinder our business. So please pay attention to it. The course is going to start on September 16 in Main Meeting Room. Make sure you will be there on time.

Revised:

Through all staff's effort, we has just won a $10 million export order. To deal with the order successfully and avoid communication obstacles, we have to pay full attention to the order. Therefore, I was appointed to hold a foreign language training. Sales Department, manager of PR Department, and senior staff of Technology Department. The course is going to start on September 16 in Main Meeting Room. Make sure you will be there on time.

I think the original memo is a bit wordy, and the logic is not clear, so I made the above changes. Could you give me your advice to make it more natural? Thank you!

1 Reply

@ziawj2,

ziawj2 wrote:

Through all staff's effort, we has just won a $10 million export order. To deal with the order successfully and avoid communication obstacles, we have to pay full attention to the order. Therefore, I was appointed to hold a foreign language training. Sales Department, manager of PR Department, and senior staff of Technology Department. The course is going to start on September 16 in Main Meeting Room. Make sure you will be there on time.

I think the original memo is a bit wordy, and the logic is not clear, so I made the above changes. Could you give me your advice to make it more natural? Thank you!

Your use of the word "obstacles" is correct, but in the past 20 years, it has become much more common to substitute "issues" for "obstacles" and "problems". My personal opinion is that in business, it is not considered good policy to admit even the possibility of problems and obstacles existing. Your use of the word is entirely correct, but if you are writing the memo for an American business person, you might change it to "issues".

Quote:

Therefore, I was appointed to hold a foreign language training. Sales Department, manager of PR Department, and senior staff of Technology Department.

Bad. You have two sentence fragments pretending to be sentences. Worse, they don't really make sense. I'm going to guess at the meaning and revise it.

"Therefore, I was appointed to hold a foreign language training program for Sales Department, manager of PR Department, and senior staff of Technology Department.

1 Reply

@roger,

Thank you. You made a few changes in the revised version. Are there any problems in terms of language style? Is the language acceptable to native speakers? Look forward to your reply. Thank you.

0 Replies

proofread a memo

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know