Thu 12 Dec, 2002 02:13 am
**My eldest daughter and her family moved
to South Caroline about 2 months ago. In
that time we have visited a few times, my
daughter seems incensed to even have us
there. My grandson makes no pretense of
the fact that he adores me much more than
his Mom. I don't know if she is jealous, or
if she is vindictive, or what the deal is but she
has now decided that I can ONLY come and
see my grandkids once in every 2 months.
Her reasoning is that I am ill, I have severe
rheumatoid arthritis, and she doesn't want
her children to hear about diseases, medicines,
illness etc etc
**About 4 days ago, Jade ( my 6 year old
grandson) fell in their back yard. He screamed
in pain.......but she just put ice on it. And for
2 whole days - that is 48 straight hours of
horrible pain that poor child received NO
MEDICAL TREATMENT AT ALL!!!
Isn't this neglect, or against some law or
something?? Finally because it was swelling
up all the way up to his neck - she took him
to a doctor, and then to a pediatric orthopedic
surgeon. She will not even allow me to come
and see him. She hangs up on me in practically
every conversation we have. Jade wants me
to come, he wants to see me, his Nana - but
what on earth can I do???
I know NOTHING about laws, grandparent rights,
if there are any .... if anyone has a clue, please
let me know, help me please.
Oh Babs, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be tearing you up inside not to be able to see your grandson. Here's one link I found and I'll keep looking for others.
My thoughts are with you.
It sounds like you don't like your daughter very much, so I don't blame her for not wanting to see you. Do you critisize her on the phone this way? If my mother talked about me this way I'd tell her to stay home too. Were you there when he fell? If she wouldn't let you go see him then I'm wondering how you can base an opinion on what happened. Kids fall and hurt themselves all the time. Unless he obviously broke a leg I wouldn't rush him off to the doctor either.
If there's really neglect, call child services. If she's not a bad mother then butt out.
No offence, but she's his mother and you don't really seem to get along. I don't think once every 2 months is really that bad. I'm not defending bad actions, but there are two sides to every story. and as his mother she does control who he sees.
He sounds like a lucky boy to have a grandmother that cares and as he ages he'll have more freedom to see who he wants. I get along great with my mother, it was my grandmother I didn't like
Gezzy, I thank you so much for
listening (or reading) as the case may be.
I need to vent. I am beside myself with
fear & sadness. Tracey and I talked for
nearly an hour this evening and I think
I may have managed to "open a door"
for a big step in our communications. I
asked a few questions, and then I just
listened. I think it pleased her, and made
her feel alot better. She has recently moved.
And THAT is a big big stress factor, in fact
I think it is second only to #1 which is a
death in the family. Her error, or poor
judgment call on this episode is hurting her,
I just know it, and I sense so much fear in
her voice at times and I KNOW she needs &
yearns for, approval & she needs so much,
just me listening as she gets through her day
to day life is a great bonus. Jade DID get to see
the pediatric orthopedic surgeon and it WAS a
clean break. Thank God! Jade picked out a
PURPLE cast, my favorite color, & he is feeling
SO much better - we talked for about a half
hour also. Gezzy - you have been such a
dear and so supportive & helpful and
(believe it or not), Sugar - you also have
helped me look at things a bit differently.
Also, I wanted to mention Gezzy, that I just
love your new butterfly avatar - very, very nice.
It always reminds me of new beginnings, new
life, new stages of life. ( & Al Anon) I really
want to upload my original running waterfall,
but am not real sure how to do it.
You're very welcome Babs :-) I am so happy to hear that you and your daughter are talking and that you were able to talk to Jade. That must have made you so happy :-D I think the best quality about my mother is she's always listens to my thoughts and feelings. I'm very happy to hear that Jade is ok and is feeling better. I've never broken any bones, but I'm sure it was painful for him. As parents we all make mistakes and the most important thing is that we learn from them.
Big ((((hugs)))) headed your way.
Thank you for the compliment on my avator. I love butterflies and thought this would be a nice change :-D
Babs, Is your daughter a member of the Scientology Church? That was the first question that came to mind when she refused to provide proper medical care for her child. c.i.
Actually she is not C.I. but you are sure darned close.
She HAS been reading some Wayne Dyer book(ancient
crap to me)& they just moved, she IS majorly stressed out,
and probably is trying to find her way spiritually & it is very
unfortunate that she happened upon this fool's book, & denied
Jade the immediate medical care he should have had. I am
certain that she is feeling horrible about now. So I TRIED to
get my fear for Jade, my anger for his suffering, anger at her
for her actions - OUT OF THE WAY - so we could talk & I
tried to listen more closely. I think it was a successful
reconnection - I am so happy Jade is alright and not in pain
anymore. In fact he told me that he got to pick out the
color of the cast, so he picked a purple one (my favorite
color) AND he added that the next time he needed a cast, he
would try the blue one.(Dear God, help!)
You sure do know how to hit the nail on the head CI.
I knew she was going overboard on this Dyer kick, but I
was hoping & praying that she would level off. She had
asked me for the phone numbers of the Unity Church
nearest to her.... & though there is not one in her town
there IS one about an hour away. I DID ask her yesterday
if she had called the church in Columbia, because it seemed
like a larger church where they might have children's
services/classes & a nursery. She hasn't yet, but I am
hoping that the seed planted; will try to grow. I am familiar
with Unity and I KNOW she can't go wrong there. So, all
your loving and caring thoughts are SO very very sincerely
appreciated. Thank you all so much. Hopefully, now this
is all behind us, and a new future full of possibilities lies
ahead before us.
*Maybe I should get her a copy of a book that helped me
IMMENSELY - " If You Meet The Buddha On The Road, Kill
Him" - a guide to the concept that if you find yourself being
"led" by another human being rather than your own inner
gut feelings and instincts -KNOCK IT OFF!! You are on a
wrong path, danger!!DING! DING! warning bells etc etc etc.
I sincerely hope THIS serves to set her thinking back to
a more normal protective parenting place, for if not - I may
have to be calling Child Protective Services about my own
daughter, and I do not really want to go there!
Babs, We have not been blessed with a grandchild, so we really don't know how it feels to see your own children mistreat your grandchild, but we can sympathize. I can almost feel the pain, because I love all children. c.i.
Hi again Babs
I have read a few books from Wayne Dyer and I don't think that anything he's written would cause any problems for anyone. He basically tells people not to let themselves be controled by other people. From what I've read, he talks about how some people like to control people such as employers, schools, etc.. and I found his books helpful at one time. It's been many years since I've read these books, but from what I did read, he is just teaching people how to take control of their own lives.
I'm a grandmother in every sense but the legal one. Even though, I recently consulted a lawyer with just such a question and the answer, sadly, is no, grandparents don't have any rights.
The supreme court in Troxel v. Grenville has decided that as long as a parent is "fit" then the grandparents cannot intervene in the the decision making process of the parents in regards to visitation or any other matter.
My situation is very different from yours. My sorta-foster-grandson moved in with my husband and I a week ago today. Because we are not blood relatives we are unable to make any decisions for him in the absence of a custody agreement. Unfortunately, his parents are so angry with on another that they can't agree on anything right now which leaves my husband and I in an awkward positon.
I'm glad that they were able to agree that my house was the safest and happiest place for him to be.
Good luck to you on opening doors with your daughter.