Is it fair to give not common cleaning chore to teen?

No she do not make a mess on the stairs but being we use stairs daily dirt will find its way in to the house. Both me and my wife believe that if we keep outside clean the inside will not need as much cleaning.

If you live at place that had outside common hallway and not clean regularly, would you not go out and clean it your self when you were vacuuming or mopping your floor just so your place stayed a bit cleaner for longer?

I actually used to BE one, Ceili. I had a lot of seniority in that.
(I still feel like I 'm a kid in disguise; just older n uglier on the outside.)

Something that was fun (very seldom, but still fun)
when I was a kid, was defending my friends in argument
from their parents, when invited, which was not ofen,
but maybe 3 or 5 times over the juvenile years.
I tried to explain their positions better than thay were.
Moving the parents to remember THEIR OWN juvenile
experiences was a very successful approach; brawt them to tears
a few times; some said that thay 'd morfed into their own parents,
at whose hands thay 'd suffered indignities. Then thay empathized.

U might deem it mediation & conciliation.
When u do that, its important that both sides consider u
to be treating them fairly. Much more recently, b4 I retired,
I did a lot of that, within the context of litigation.
That worked out fairly well; kinda fun.





David

I thawt that we were arguing points of principle,
not disputing matters of degree.





David

Some of the responses here are utterly rediculous, so much so that I want to believe they are jokes, but given the amount of absurd BS that the more...lets call them "interesting" people around these days come up with, to believe that would be foolish. I guess all internet forums have their token looney toons. But anyways...

To start with, Life Is Not Fair. Never has been, Never will be. And its not as though its a difficult chore. Whatever happened to honor thy parents?Being 22yrs old myself, I can still remember clearly the tennage BS from those years. In tennage minds, nothing is fair, the world is against them, and, of course, the old staple, they think they know everything, and you in turn, know nothing. They all think they have such a hard life. Blahblahblah. You might want to point out that while all she is being asked to do is complete a few simple chores, some young people actually do have a very hard life and would trade it all in a second for a short list of chores. Suggest that she listen to music while she does it; music make the work go faster and its not hard to turn on an iPod (or a discman if we have yet to join the 21st century).

Plus, chores can help foster a sense of responsibilty that will be important in their adult life, so stick to your guns. Eventually, when she grows up and bit, she will thank you.

As for the foolish comment regarding the 13th amendment by our "interesting" friend David, asking your teenage daughter, for whom you provide a home and support in a multitude of other ways, to do a simple chore does not constitute chattel slavery. Is dragonguy treating his daughter as property to be bought and sold? No. Is she being held against her will? Nope. Is she being deprived of the right to leave? To refuse to work? Or to demand compensation? No, No and No. Nor does this constitute the collective term of Unfree Labor, as she is not being employed against her will under the threat destitution, prolonged detention, violence (which if we are discussing slavery, either historical or modern, would include the threat of death), or any other threat of extreme hardship against her person? I think not.
Also David, Eva's assertion that "the father has every right to assign chores" isn't so far off. The argument could be made that the family is a support system, one that supports the other members of the family, the home, and the way of life they currently enjoy. Is it so wrong for the head of the household to ask members of his family to assist in maintaining the home? Is it so wrong that a father asks his daughter to do a simple, easy, less-than-time-consuming chore to help maintain the cleanliness of the family residence? I fail to see how it is. It's not as though her father is forcing her to do dangerous or overly difficult manual labor.

And one last thing. David, there are two legal quotes you might want to pay close attention to in regards to dragonguy' right to assign a chore or two. They are:
1-"In the United States, a person is a minor (and therefore under the control of their parent(s)/guardian(s)) until he or she attains the Age of Majority (18 years in most states), at which point he or she is an adult."
2-"Until an emancipation is granted by a court, a minor is still subject to the rules of their parent(s)/guardian(s)."

Gracie,

is it fair, that your parents have to clean after you?
Why not help one another in the family? I think that is fair.
I was in the situation as you growing up without a mother but also without siblings.
We had a maid to do the dirty work as you probably would see it.
Who made my bed and had to keep my room in order - I did.
Who had to help doing dishes or other chores in the house? I did.
My father had the idea that a young maid wanted her free time just as much as I did.
You know what - we even had fun working together.

There are a bunch of different parts to this so it's a little hard to give one answer.

1.) Should a parent compel a teenaged daughter to do absolutely anything he thinks she should do?

Well, no, in my opinion.

2.) Is sweeping and mopping the stairs an unreasonably difficult task for a 14-year-old?

No. (As in, I don't think the "not common" part is really here nor there.)

3.) Should a 14-year-old have any say in what chores she does?

I think so. Note, not that she can opt out of chores entirely... but I think it's not crazy for there to be some discussion about who does what chores.

Would she be adding this to her existing chores or is there something else she is already doing that she can stop doing, so she's doing about the same amount of total chores? If it's in addition to all of the stuff she's already doing, can you provide some sort of associated perk -- her curfew is 15 minutes later than it's been, something like that?

Does she do any chores at all? If the answer is "no," then that's different.

the only problem i have with any of this is the location, i get pride in your residence, but this is a common area, if there is no maintenance for the building (and why isn't there), then the fact that you decide to take this task on yourself, really shouldn't extend to the expectation that your kid should have to do it as well

why not set up a router with other tenants, get everyone involved, then it might be more fair, but in the end it's not your jib to do it, and certainly not your job to make your kid do it

now chores directly related to the household are a different matter, at her age, she should be helping out with some duties

Good points -- I don't think the sweeping and mopping stairs part is that bad (a definite job, but not terrible), but the fact that it's something he's going above and beyond to take on does have some pertinence.

I really like the idea of organizing neighbors to do it in rotation.

wait..

since when does a child get to deem a chore as fair or unfair?

Living costs money. Eating food, turning on lights, rent, gas to get back and forth..etc. The parents use ALL of their given life to provide that so that the child has everything they need and almost anything they want... and the child should not have to GIVE BACK ?
its only fair for the ADULT to lose all of THEIR free time doing chores so the child doesnt have to do something that isnt 'fair' ? .... excuse me?

Life is work. You do work in exchange for what you need...

You only spend a hand full of years 'young' and this does not make it some golden time where you are allowed to sit on a throne and have people serve you. You spend this time prepping to be a productive adult.
If we teach our kids that they can negotiate through life based on perceived fairness, we are teaching an entire generation how to be lazy. Work is not fair... but work provides what you NEED in life. When someone is giving you something you need AND want, a fair person recognizes that and feels a drive to give BACK to you...

sweeping stairs... a chore that probably takes about 20 minutes ( sweep and mop ) should not be up for discussion as to whether or not a child SHOULD do it. It is something that needs to be done to contribute to cleanliness.. number one.... number two... it i something they are told to do by their parents. There is no room for argument.

i agree.... only im america would something like this actually BE a discussion. Sweeping stairs.... slavery? really? give me a break.

I guess when the child gets a job, pays for their own place, and doesn't sponge off their parents, then you could make the argument they don't have to do any chores. Until the child does that Dave, it is hardly slavery to have to do chores for room and board.

Sorry to say - it seems your child is running the show here - not that I am a fan of kids not having choices here - but come on, I'd say at this point you need to contribute by doing a chore. You can have A (clean the stairs) or B the job you just presented her - end of story. Then give the other option - if you do not perform the chore to expectations you lose C - whatever privledge you deem appropriate (for example - give up cell phone for a week).

And the parent is then free to take away what ever was given the child - the child gets free room and board plus I am sure a variety of electronic items. Sure the child is free not to such work and in return the parent is then free to take away any and all items they have freely given the child (except of course those things to keep them alive and healthy).

I haven't seen him say she doesn't do any chores at all (I might have missed it, let me know if so).

She does have couple of others chores around the house. Each take max 20 min to do. Regarding maintenance not cleaning the stairs, this building only got 10 units so the guy is rarely around. Each stairs are only really used by 2 family, us and one other. I seen the other family clean the stairs once in a while as well.

Just be done with it and tell her to get her ass out there and do it.

I can't imagine having told my dad that I wouldn't do a chore he told me to do. He and my mom would have simply eroded each and every liberty I had until it became perfectly clear who was in charge.

Cycloptichorn

Seriously.

I can just see this girl in a few years trying to tell her employer "that's not my job."

Man, that's the worst, when I hear people say that at work...

Cycloptichorn

If I were this parent I'd start doing stuff like...

Cook a meal but not enough for her. Hey, I'm not going to prepare food I'm not going to eat.

Even better, if she does include her in food prepared, I'd take the kids dirty dishes and toss them on her bed. If the sheets get messed up, the daughter can clean her own sheets, since she sleeps on them. Or, she can just sleep on dirty sheets. Not my problem. If I was doing my wash, I'd separate out anything that belonged to her, and shove them in the toilet. Let her pick them out. I don't have to put her stuff where she wants them, I'm not her slave.
Let her go out and buy her own cleaning supplies too. Why should I pay for cleaning stuff that isn't mine?

I'd stop taking her anywhere she needed to go. Let her find her own way. She's the one that needs to be somewhere, not me.

Yep, I've heard it too at work - and usually I say something along the lines of suck it up and do it.

It's a standing rule in my office. If you can't do something, or don't want to do something, or think someone else would be better suited - make me an argument. Tell me why you feel that way. But don't ever say 'it's not my job' unless you want it to be assigned to you immediately.

We used to have the same thing when I was a kid - suggesting that one of the other brothers do something instantly meant the chore in question was assigned to you.

Cycloptichorn