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Boyfriend thinks I'm taking advantage of him?

 
 
Reply Fri 31 Mar, 2017 03:25 pm
Okay, so, I don't live with my boyfriend but I basically spend everyday there.

Through most of our relationship(8 months) and considering I am there all the time, I have always helped him with chores/cooking. Not terribly long ago I stopped all of this because I didn't feel very appreciated, he seemed to always want more. Last night we got into an argument over this and he feels because I have stopped he thinks I'm taking advantage of and him, and thinks I should be cleaning and keeping the household(I DONT LIVE THERE AS HE HASNT ASKED ME TO MOVE IN). I have my own house too to clean.

I told him I stopped because I didn't feel I was getting the same level of effort from him. I told him I want him to appreciate it. He also never compliments me or tells me he likes me, no I love you's yet, and that's what I'm getting sick of. I feel like I'm doing everything for a man who doesn't give me anything in return.

I have asked him for more of a commitment and he says he would never let me move in unless I PROVE to him that I am willing to take the next step(cleaning wise and being a homemaker). I don't feel I should prove I am worthy of this because shouldn't he want me there?

I feel like with him scolding me I am being controlled by him, I don't want to prove I'm worthy because I should already be worthy? Is he taking advantage of me or am I taking advantage of him? I just need a second opinion.

Yes I have my own job working 4 days a week. He doesn't provide for me financially.
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 31 Mar, 2017 03:36 pm
@Amshowers,
He's using you as a cheap maid (sorry).

The Bureau of Labor Statistics says the mean wages for maids in the United States are over $11/hour.

Knowledge is power.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Fri 31 Mar, 2017 03:52 pm
@Amshowers,
He's a mama's boy who sees women as housemaids.

Hes not going to change.


How old is he?

Unless you want to be his houskeeper , move on.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  4  
Reply Fri 31 Mar, 2017 06:17 pm
@Amshowers,
I would run and not look back. He wants you to be his second mom.

A relationship should be a compliment to your life not indentured servitude. Get out now while you have nothing binding you there. You don't deserve to be treated like an unpaid maid. You work and provide for yourself why should you do his chores ontop of that? Dont sell yourself short there is a guy out there who won't treat you like you owe him something.
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CoastalRat
 
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Reply Mon 3 Apr, 2017 11:26 am
@Amshowers,
Quote:
I have asked him for more of a commitment and he says he would never let me move in unless I PROVE to him that I am willing to take the next step(cleaning wise and being a homemaker).
I think you should prove to him that you are ready to take the next step. And that would be to step right out of the relationship.
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Apr, 2017 03:10 pm
@Amshowers,
I am curious how people here would answer if the genders were reversed... Would anyone change their opinion if this were a man, and his girlfriend was requesting that he help her with the chores because they spent all their time at her house?

The question is what "I am there all the time" means. I certainly think that if one person's house is constantly being used, helping with the cooking is fair. Hosting all the time does mean more work. Is there a reason you don't alternate apartments (which would seem fair)? I suspect that many readers here are getting too hung up on the gender stereotypes to see that there is a legitimate issue here.

That being said, if you are fighting about this, it doesn't say too much for the health of the relationship.




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