PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...DISCUSS SEX WITH ME
Are you really sure you want people to discuss what it's like to have sex with you?
Well, having had sex with you, all I can say is, what is there to discuss?
I tried videotaping sex with you, but YouTube wouldn't upload it because the clip was too short.
I'd never seen anyone snort Viagra before I met you. And you kept complaining it wasn't "the good stuff".
Your idea of foreplay was flossing your teeth in bed and insisting I admire your gums..
The peak experience was when you rolled off me, allowing oxygen to once more reach my brain.
And, when you asked, "Was it good for you?", I was still wondering when it would begin.
The afterglow of a sexual experience with you was disturbingly like finding a parking ticket on my car because the meter expired.
I know you were hoping for a 5 star rave review of your sexual prowess, since that's how you rate your own masturbatory experiences, even those where you fake orgasm, but I feel honesty is the best policy. And I can honestly say, I really enjoyed the pizza.