PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...DISCUSS SEX WITH ME

I just hope I reach perfect contentment before my arthritis prevents me from a good grip.

I don't think it's the "mind" he wants a piece of.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I
love.
Woody Allen

Are you really sure you want people to discuss what it's like to have sex with you?

Well, having had sex with you, all I can say is, what is there to discuss?

I tried videotaping sex with you, but YouTube wouldn't upload it because the clip was too short.

I'd never seen anyone snort Viagra before I met you. And you kept complaining it wasn't "the good stuff".

Your idea of foreplay was flossing your teeth in bed and insisting I admire your gums..

The peak experience was when you rolled off me, allowing oxygen to once more reach my brain.

And, when you asked, "Was it good for you?", I was still wondering when it would begin.

The afterglow of a sexual experience with you was disturbingly like finding a parking ticket on my car because the meter expired.

I know you were hoping for a 5 star rave review of your sexual prowess, since that's how you rate your own masturbatory experiences, even those where you fake orgasm, but I feel honesty is the best policy. And I can honestly say, I really enjoyed the pizza.

Everyone who knows me well knows this is bullshit. The truth will out. Please note your number five sentence
Your idea of foreplay was flossing your teeth in bed and insisting I admire your gums..

It's an irrefutable fact that by the time I get in bed my teeth are soaking in Efferdent on the bathroom counter. Nice try.

I don't know how I missed this thread, but firefly should be doing standup. Bear, you should hire her to be your opening act.

Talk sex, eh?

Not me. I'm only interested in my sex life. The rest of you are on your own.

I don't why I started this thread 3 years ago, but I'm sure it was in response to a related thread where someone got their panties in a bunch about one damn thing or another

I've noticed a ton of new crap regarding sex that I suspect are written by perverts hoping others will reveal something personal that they can get off on. Some pose as 16 year old girls, but the list is endless.

I suspected that something like that inspired you. His lordship started a thread called "What do construction workers like to eat" after a supposedly young girl started 4 different threads about her obsession over some poor soul who was working construction near her high school. She was exasperating, his thread was a welcome relief.

Hope you and the misses and the cubs are doing well

The cubs are full grown Bears now, even the grand cub, but there are two great grand cubs :0)

Oh congrats, time moves very quickly one you pass 30.