Pitch me your idea for a Broadway musical...

Chronicles of jgoldman..

How about The J Goldman nude gay revue? With songs like, 'I'm busy researching.' 'You're an uncircumcised Philistine.' 'Why can't I get off my arse and do something?' 'I'm not gay, but I can't stop thinking about it.'

Now that would sweep the Tonies!

The Days of Wine and Moses--A lively musical version of The Book of Exodus featuring dance numbers such as the Matzoh Mambo, and catchy hit tunes like, If You Can't Build a Bridge, Part the Sea. .

Pulp Diction

A musical political parable for our times. Before upper-crust Barnard Smythe can run for Congress, he has to learn how to sound like one of the common folk--you betcha. The electric show-stopping numbers, "Elocution", "Accent and Emphasize", and "Folksy Wins Votes" will have the audience rocking in their seats, and the final, "Just Plain Barney", will have them cheering his transformation from stuffed shirt to denim dude.

The Incredible Mister Limpet (starring Linkat)

Don Knotts (er, well, someone just like him) meets a singing and dancing fish. Darryl Hannah plays his love interest.

Friday the 13th--A new musical about castaway Robinson Crusoe, who endured the loss of 12 loyal companions before Friday the 13th came into his life. Show-stopping tunes include "Thank Goodness It's Friday" and "Thirteen's My Lucky Number" as well as the plaintive duet, "If You Don't Ask, We Won't Tell".

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre--A dark musical rock-opera, in the vein of Sweeney Todd, about a strange down-home family known for their fried corn dogs. This one promises thrills, chills, fantastic choreography by Tommy Tune, and a star-studded singing cast including Russell Crowe, in his Broadway debut, as Leatherface and Miley Cyrus (in her Broadway debut) in the pivotal role of Sally. Be prepared to protect yourself from the blood splatters if you're seated in the first 15 rows of the orchestra.

Schindler's Lists--

Nathan Lane makes another triumphant return to Broadway as Lazarus Schindler, an accountant forced into early retirement by debilitating OCD--he can't stop making lists, of everything. When he sings his opening lines, "I need a new pen...I'm always running out of paper," it's almost certain to bring a tear to your eye or a lump to your throat. But things soon brighten up when he meets Gloria (Whoopi Goldberg), a sassy waitress, who asks him what he's always writing when he has lunch at her diner, and, when she belts out the song, "Damn the Lists!" the entire restaurant explodes in song and exuberant table top dancing. Lazarus allows Gloria to take him under her wing, and teach him how to let go (and dance the tango), and she introduces him to the colorful people in her life--her best friend Doralee (a riotous Harvey Fierstein in drag), her bookie (Mikhail Baryshnikov, who more than proves he can still dance), her therapist (a brunette Sarah Jessica Parker who sings the delightful, "Don't Be A Jerk Stuck With A Quirk"), and her lawyer daughter (Jennifer Hudson, who brings down the house with each of her numbers, particularly the, "Stop Listing, Start Living" that ends the first act)--and after they all encourage him to take risks, Lazarus realizes he hated being an accountant, and he finally pursues his life-long dream of becoming a stand-up comic with his own rousing reprieve of, "Damn the Lists!".

"Shaving Private Ryan"

Sweeney Todd plies his trade in the backstreets of WW2 London.

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"Gone With The Wind in the Willows"

Badger, Mole and Toad fight off the Johnny Rebs who have taken over Toad Hall.

Gone With The Windows, a bankrupt glazier battles against repossession.

An Inconvenient Truth - starring Al Gore (doing the macarena), it's a tale of global warming in four-part harmony. Be sure to wear your glasses as the solar-powered klieg lights are sometimes a tad dim.

Firefly? You gonna have a bright career on Broadway baby!

I'm hoping to convince Sondheim of that.

Bride of Chucky--The long courtship of Camilla Parker Bowles and the Prince of Wales overcomes s series of hilarious obstacles before finally culminating in their wedding. With fabulous costumes and production numbers, toe-tapping tunes, and Madonna in the title role, this ticket will assure audiences of a royal good time.

Bet we could get Andrew Weber to do a revamp of Oh! Calcutta!

Charles Bronson 's Death Wish series

as a musical?

who would do the score?

mebbe marilyn manson...

David's probably more interested in who would supply the guns.