Sozobe, About C and J, above: they arrived at school with these problems; it is possible that another school or a mean-spirited teacher made them this way, but, more likely, this combination of self-centeredness, anger, and tantrums comes from something in the home. When I was teaching, I'd get very bored listening to my colleagues parent-bash, because I knew that my relationship with a student was often (although not always!) very much better than what was reported from elsewhere. If I had a continuing problem with a student, I made a point of telephoning his/her parents, to say I was puzzled by behaviors X,Y, and Z, and to ask if the parent(s) had any insights that would help their child have a happier time at school. More often than not (Sure, I ran into the occasional parent who was drunk at 3:00 PM, a sad situation that explained a lot), the parents had useful things to tell me (recent death of a beloved grandparent, an injury that had kept the student from active play for many weeks, a streak of orneriness that the parents themselves could not plumb, etc.), and, fairly often, the parent(s) asked to come in for a person-to-person chat. If it was at all appropriate, I asked the parent if the son or daughter could be present while we talked (this might not work well for most kids of Sozlet's age).
A 20-minute conversation with a parent can give a teacher a great deal of information--frequently enough detail to spot a source of the troublesome behavior. Every family situation is different, but I ran into many cases in which the kid was angry at the parent(s)--sometimes reasonably, sometimes not--and would bring this ugly mood to school and turn it on substitute targets, who, unfairly attacked, would grow angry in return.
When I read BBC on-line this morning, I remembered this thread, and I thought you might be interested in this article:
Spoilt children 'disrupt schools'
By Hannah Goff
BBC News, Manchester
Primary schoolchildren spoilt by their parents can cause disruption in the classroom by repeating manipulative behaviour used at home, a report says.
Research for the National Union of Teachers (NUT) suggested a minority of children threw tantrums, swore and were physically aggressive.
NUT boss Steve Sinnott is calling for more advice for parents who struggle to say "no" to their children.
The government says it recognises parents want more support.
Cambridge University held 60 interviews with staff and pupils in 10 schools.
'Over-indulged'
The report was released at the union's annual conference in Manchester.
It cited examples of children who stayed up to the early hours and played on violent computer games.
It described a mother who celebrated the fact she had been able to get her five-year-old to bed at 1am instead of his previous bedtime of 3am.
A youngster who is being trained at home to get their own way by throwing a tantrum - I think it is pretty easy to see the impact that would have in the classroom
Steve Sinnott, NUT general secretary
It also told of a seven-year-old who smashed up his Playstation in a tantrum, then spent a week pestering his mother until she bought him a new one.
The researchers said some parents simply could not say "no" when their children demanded televisions and computers in their bedrooms.
Others would do "anything to shut up their children just to get some peace", it said.
Mr Sinnott said the problem lay with parents who were struggling with little or no help to bring up their children in a heavily commercialised world.
He wants advertising aimed at children to be banned.
"Parents are trying to cope by indulging, or by over-indulging, their youngsters," he said.
"A youngster who is being trained at home to get their own way by throwing a tantrum - I think it is pretty easy to see the impact that would have in the classroom."
He urged teachers and schools to give parents reasonable advice, but he warned they could not do it alone, and urged the government to tackle the commercialisation of culture head-on.
Violent neighbourhoods
A spokesman for the Department for Children, Schools and Families said it recognised parents were under pressure to cope.
He said: "In the Children's Plan we learnt that parents want more support in managing the new pressures they face such as dealing with the internet and the modern commercial world, and letting their children play and learn whilst staying safe."
The spokesman said the government has also worked to give new powers to teachers to support them when it comes to disciplining students who act out.
The report's author Maurice Galeton said the problem was particularly acute where people lived in violent neighbourhoods.
The government has pressurised many parents into putting their children into childcare, probably at three months old, and have congratulated themselves that they have got parents back to work
Margaret Morrissey, National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations
He said: "Very young parents in violent and deprived neighbourhoods without the network of support that others get ... [have] a huge level of stress in their lives."
Margaret Morrissey of the National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations said the problem of classroom misbehaviour was "not just about inadequate parents".
She told BBC Radio 4's Today programme: "We are putting into reception classes, in many cases, children who are four years and two weeks old. These are, in many parents' eyes, very little children - almost babies.
"If you are in a situation where you have got to work, you can't be with your child and you can't be giving it the sort of values that the older generation did."
The report also found the methods schools used to deal with poor behaviour were not working.
Some used a system of rewards and penalties to encourage children, but they often led to those who behaved the worst winning rewards for doing very little.
Do you over-indulge your children? Have you any advice for other parents who struggle to discipline their children? Are you a teacher with experience of unruly pupils? Send your comments using the post form below:
Name
Your E-mail address
Town & Country
Phone number (optional):
Comments
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/uk_news/education/7308909.stm
Published: 2008/03/22 12:35:24 GMT
© BBC MMVIII
So, Sozobe, why don't you tell us more about that doghouse ...
