Sozlet stories

Sounds like the prettiest little grease monkey there ever was.

The powers that be on A2K may well ban me after this shamelessly promotional post. But yesterday evening, when I surfed around Richard Dawkins' website, I came across a DVD of science lectures for kids titled "Growing up in the Universe". The webpage offers a preview clip featuring Douglas Adams which it reminded me of Sozlet on several levels. In particular, the six-year-old girl level, the "volunteer" in a scientific lecture level, and the morbid humor level. (EG: "You know, maybe I'll eat your teddy", Sozlet: "NOOOOOOO! ... You have to cook it first." Unfortunately the preview comes without subtitles, so I thought I'd transcribe it for you.

[b]RICHARD DAWKINS[/b]: Earlier this year, I was driving through the countryside with a little girl of six. And she pointed out some flowers by the wayside. I asked her what she thought flowers were for. She gave a very thoughtful answer: "Two things," she said, "to make the world pretty, and to help the bees make honey for us." Well I thought that was a very nice answer, and I was sorry I had to tell her that it wasn't true. Her answer is not too different from the answer that most people throughout history would have given. The very first chapter of the Bible sets it out: man has dominion over all living things; the animals and plants are there for our benefit. This attitude was unquestioned throughout the Middle Ages, and it really persists to this day. One pious man in the Middle Ages thought that weeds were there to benefit us, because it's so good for our spirit to have to go and pull them up. And another reverent gentleman thought that the louse was indispensable -- because it provided a powerful incentive to cleanliness. There has also been the suggestion that animals positively want to do their bit for the good of mankind, and even want to be eaten by us. Well this idea reminds me of a brilliant passage from one of my favorite works of fiction, "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams." In fact, I am so fond of this passage that I was wanting for someone to read it out. Would anybody like to volunteer to, ... to ..." [b]MAN IN THE AUDIENCE:[/b] (raises his hand) [b]RICHARD DAWKINS:[/b] I see ... right, you, please. [b]MAN IN THE AUDIENCE:[/b] (comes forward), [b]RICHARD DAWKINS:[/b] Your name is? [b]MAN IN THE AUDIENCE:[/b] Er, Douglas [b]RICHARD DAWKINS:[/b] Douglas what? [b]MAN IN THE AUDIENCE:[/b] Er, Adams [b]AUDIENCE:[/b] (laughs) [b]RICHARD DAWKINS:[/b] Douglas Adams, what an amazing coincidence! [b]AUDIENCE:[/b] (applause) [b]DOUGLAS ADAMS:[/b] "A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox's table, a meaty bovine quadruped with watery eyes, small horns, and an ingraciating smile on its lips. "Good evening", it loed (sp?) and sat back heavily on its haunches, "I am the main dish of the day. May I interest you in parts of my body?" Its gazes met by looks of startled bewilderment by Arthur, and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox. "Something of the shoulder perhaps?" suggested the animal, "Brazed in a white wine sauce?" Er, [i]your[/i] shoulder?", said Arthur in a horrified whisper. But naturally my shoulder, sir", mooed the animal contentedly, "nobody else's is mine to offer." "Zaphod lept to his feet and started prodding and feeling the animal's shoulder appreciatively. "Or the rump is very good", murmured the animal, "I've been excercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there's a lot of good meat there." "You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?" exclaimed Arthur. "That's absolutely horrible! It's the most revolting thing I ever heard." "What's the problem, Earth-man?" said Zaphod. "I ... I just don't want to eat an animal standing there inviting me to," said Arthur. "It's heartless." "Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten?" said Zaphod. "But that's not the point", protested Arthur. Then he thought about it for a moment. "Alright", he said, "maybe it is the point. I don't care. I don't want to think about it now. I just, er, I'll just, ... I'll just have a green salad." "May I urge you to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "It must be very rich and tender by now; I've been force-feeding myself for months." "A green salad", said Arthur firmly. The animal looked at him disapprovingly. "Are you going to tell me", snapped Arthur, "that I shouldn't have a green salad?" "Well", said the animal, "I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten, and was capable of saying so clearly and unambiguously. And here I am." "Glass of water please", said Arthur. "Look, are we hungry or not?", snapped Zaphod. "We'll just have four stakes, please, very, very rare. And quickly". The animal staggered to its feet. "A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good," it said with a mellow gurgle, "I'll just nip off and shoot myself." He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur. "Don't worry sir", he said, "I'll be very humane."

Am I completely off, or is this the kind of humor Sozlet likes? Again, if you'd like to show her the preview, the site of the DVD is here.

I remember that scene!

Wow, you transcribed all that? Thanks!!

I bet she'd love it...



Very minor note that this reminded me of somehow. I got a box of individually wrapped "moist towelettes" that I included with her sack lunches when she went to camp. Sozlet crossed out all the word-starting "T"s on the package, and cracks up everytime she sees her handiwork. ("'Moist owlets' -- hee hee...!")

I think you need to find some old episodes of Fawlty Towers (or however it was really supposed to be spelled). At the beginning of each episode they would re-arrange the sign. The one forever burned in my memory was Farty Towels.

Ha!

Thomas, we watched the first half of the clip -- my computer is still acting weird and it took 4 attempts to get that far, then we gave up the 5th time it crashed. She liked that much. (And said "hey, 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!'" when it was mentioned. She knows it's one of my favorite books. Maybe she's about ready to read it?)

Anyway...

Yesterday she spent a lot of time in the sun and got a mild burn (very mild, it's faded today), and so I was trying to get her to drink more water than usual before bed. She had some but was resistant to my efforts to get her to drink the whole glass. To express her displeasure, she said, "This water tastes like it came from a bucket that was used for picking up horse poop!"

Vivid.

Yeh...

So the "I'm bored!" horribleness didn't last that long, thankfully. She's gotten much better at just going off and doing her own thing if I really need to get something done. (Certainly still room for improvement, but I take what I can get.)

Some recent projects (all her, from conception to execution, I saw the finished projects but she created them without any help or input from me):

- Making a mobile (involving coloring, tape, cutting things out, string, balancing, etc.)

- Making a birthday party for one of her stuffed animals (involving making invitations for about a dozen OTHER stuffed animals, making a paper cake, and making goodie bags for all attendees, which included candy, stickers, and markers).

- Making me a sleep mask (I'm famously able to sleep anywhere as long as it's dark -- this involved making a paper pattern, cutting out a layer of polarfleece from the pattern, cutting out another layer of fabric with a moon-and-stars print from the pattern, threading a needle [!], sewing the layers together, cutting holes in the sides, and adding a cord [measuring it on my head first]).

Wow!

And she did all this while reading ... how many books from cover to cover?

she could have a sleep mask stand instead of a lemonade stand ... there's a good market for those

Wow, that girl is TALENTED Soz...did you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! about the needle? I would have...but I'm parentally paranoid lol.

Today Onyxlet #1 is bugging me before going to church about wearing these darned purple slightly heeled sandals. They're prefectly good shoes but they don't match a single thing in her closet anymore. The dress they were bought to match has now been handed down to Onyxlet #2.

I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I don't care what she wears with it because I'm sick of explaining to her that it doesn't match with anything.

Now, I fully understand the concept of letting them pick their clothes and giving them some independence in that area. I already do this. But this one thing just....I just can't do. They're so OBVIOUSLY mismatched with everything. So, now she's chosen to wear a dress that is burgundy with navy blue, darker burgundy and lighter burgundy flowers in it. I'm telling you, this girl is wearing on my nerves! ARGHHHH

Heh!

Yeah, my sense of "matching" and sozlets' are, uh, different. She has come up with some interesting outfits though, I have to admit. For example she wanted to wear this:



with this (as a skirt):



I thought it wouldn't work (even though the prints are the same the colors are different, it's bulky on top of bulky) but she looked very boho and cool on a hot summer day.


Yeah, the needle..! She asked me if she could use one (I didn't know what she was up to) and I decided to let her. She's seen me use needles and she's usually very careful. (I told her to be extra extra careful with this, and she was.)

I keep checking in here for the stories


so how old is she now?

6 and a half. (Well, more like 6 and three quarters...) She's starting first grade in a bit, can't wait.

Oh and I didn't answer Thomas' question about books... I have no idea. I'd guess 20 or so this summer? Some quickies, some big ones. Most of the big ones were combos -- she'd read a chapter, then a chapter would be read to her at bedtime, etc. We just finished "All of a Kind Family," a book my mom gave her that was written in the 50's and I assume my mom read when she was a kid, though I don't know (I have to ask her). It was interesting, about a Jewish family in New York in the late 1800's. It was some nice ballast as she'd been to Girl Scout camp and came back insisting that she believed in (the Christian) God -- now she likes the Jewish way of doing things and is a little annoyed that the respective religions don't like to be combined. I think she's easing back to baseline -- spiritual in a general way, but not a follower of a specific religion, and choosing to do rituals that have been meaningful in our family for one reason or another (like Christmas trees and menorahs). But as she reminded me when she saw my face fall a bit when she made the "I believe in God" declaration, I've always told her it was her decision...

sozobe, I read those books in elementary school! Didn't one of the books deal with dyeing clothes with cold tea? I loved those stories.

Hmm I wonder if she'd like A Tree Grows in Brooklyn? I haven't read it, just know a bit of it.

Tai Chi, I only read about a third of the book, so I missed a lot of the action (I'm gonna go back and read the rest I think). That sounds like it'd fit, though, there is a lot of domestic stuff. Like the mom hides buttons in the room she wants the girls to dust, and if they find all the buttons she knows they've done a really thorough job. It's a bit preachy (the PROPER way to do things) but overall it's a sweet book. It's a series, evidently (this one is the first), so that dress-dyeing could be from another book in the series, too.

Jes, same here -- know of the book, haven't read it.


This is SUCH a cliche, but...

I know a fair amount about computers. I'm no script kiddie but I can usually figure things out and even make websites and stuff. So, sozlet was doing this and that on the computer (she loves loves loves Webkinz.com, gotta water that corn), and then when she was finished I sat down to do something. Tried to find the "back" arrow. NO ARROW. No nothing up there. I bellowed into the other room, "SOZLET, what did you do with my toolbar?!!!" She came running and said "Sorry, sorry, all you have to do is [points to a tiny little oblong I'd never noticed before]." Clicked it. There's my toolbar.

Who knew?

I always like reading along with the Sozlet stories, and this gives me an opportunity to bookmark-- "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" is still a bit advanced, I'd think; it's very good, but has some difficult parts that were a little weird for me when I read it at about nine. There is a part where the heroine has a run-in with a child molester that was kind of upsetting to me-- she's not molested, exactly (as I recall), but he exposes himself and the description is definitely unsettling.

Dammit, Thomas! I just bought the dvd set.

That's great! Please let me know how you like it.


I continue to be impressed. One question about school: when are American kids supposed to learn reading and writing? If it's in preschool, fine. But if it's in first class, and Sozlet will enter first class starting from scratch to learn reading, won't she be terribly bored?


That's interesting. Did she specifically insist on the Christian one? I used to think that Scouts, even the conservative Boy Scouts, were pretty Unitarian and open on precisely which god you believed in. Their only requirement, as far as I heard, was that you believe in a supreme being of some kind. Did I miss something here? Or was the Christian god what these particular Girl Scouts happened to talk about around the camp fire, so Sozlet didn't get a chance to consider the others yet?