He’s going to have two daddies

Yes, there is. Of course I want their child to be loved. But giving the child every thing he wants, ever, is not a good start. This thread has shown multiples of giving the child many delights, over and over.

This is not a way to raise a child.

Cute doesn't work through life..

There's a big difference between parents giving a child everything he wants, or demands, and their simply putting as much delight and happiness into his life as possible.
The former can definitely create problems, because the parents are abdicating their authority and not setting proper limits, but the latter won't create problems because it is simply part of a positive environment that loving parents try to create for their child. All I've mainly heard here, regarding Antonio, are instances of the latter and not the former.

I don't have the impression of a demanding child who's getting his daddies to cave in to his wishes. Certainly, as a new step-dad, jcboy is particularly focused on wanting to make Antonio happy, and there is nothing wrong, or unusual, about that. Having a child as a daily part of his life is a new experience for him, and I think he genuinely wants Antonio to be happy. After a while, some of the novelty and excitement will simmer down, but, right now, both he and Antonio should just enjoy it.

There really isn't anything wrong with giving a child as many delights as possible--particularly when these are being given freely and the child isn't even asking for them. It's just part of creating a nice world for the child to be living in. It's part of making him feel special, and I can't see anything wrong with that--Antonio is very special to these two people. Feeling special doesn't mean you necessarily feel entitled, it means you feel loved. I honestly believe you can't spoil a child with too much love and attention, or even too many "delights". It doesn't mean the child won't learn limits, or how to deal with frustration, or will become a demanding, manipulative, obnoxious brat. But it may mean he'll develop a healthy level of self esteem and a strong sense of security because he feels very cared for.

Antonio is only 5, osso, and that's a wonderful age, and the sort of innocence he has now won't last that much longer. It's easier to make his world special now than it will be later, and I think everyone in this family should just enjoy that right now. Antonio's also learning to follow routines, he's learning what behavior is expected of him, and what's acceptable, he's learning to listen to his daddies, and he's not getting everything he wants or getting his own way without restrictions. I think you might be jumping to premature conclusions because the content of this thread is skewed by jcboy's excitement and his natural desire to want to give to Antonio, and do things for him. That doesn't mean that parental authority, and boundaries, and limits, and good sense, isn't also operating in that household--we're just hearing about the fun stuff.

Maybe we just have different views of parenting or how to raise children. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by "delights". I firmly believe in giving to a child--mainly the giving of love, and affection, and time, and attention, as much as possible. Material giving is also good, within limits, and as long as what's given is appreciated and not demanded or expected. I believe in making children feel special, maybe even princely. Reality intrudes fast enough to let us know we're not all that special in the grand scheme of things, but, at the age of 5, I'd let Antonio feel like a prince for a little while.

Hi jcboy and MMarciano!

Just dropping in to say Hi before I go to bed!

I think you guys are great and you sound like awesome dads! What a lucky kid!

Good Night Guys and Good Luck with everything!

I happen to agree with you! There is a big difference between spoiling a child and pampering it. Every kid needs pampering and the more attention you can give the better as they thrive on it. Spoiling them translates mostly to giving them material things and neither jcboy nor Marco are in the market for that. They're lovingly doting on Antonio and that's the best thing you can give a child.

Hey Morgan - how was your week with the wee fella? I bet you had a wonderful time and I reckon you'll be knackered too.

Bet you're looking forward to Marco coming home.

(((M-M-A)))

We are downtown getting getting ice-cream will post when we get home

Cool - have fun guys...

I do hope you'll have a 99



mmm mmmmmmm mmmmmm gooood


catchya in the morning - zzzzzzzzz time in the UK

hugs to you three...

(((MMA)))

Firefly and CJane, of course I am for having happy children. Of course I am not suggesting neglect. I am acquainted with five year olds.
Prince.. we can differ on that. I don't think children should be entertained at all times. Of course, some times, even many times.
I suppose that I was worrying Morgan will/would be wanting to always treat him to things - when just being together and talking is good, real, attention. Telling stories. Listening to him. Being there when he is playing or drawing.

I was getting spoiling vibes and as you know, I'm outspoken. It's early days, and Morgan, Marco, and Antonio will live long and prosper. (Sorry, Morgan!)

I'm with Osso here.

I think you should make the little bugger suffer more.

it builds character and all that...

Pah! Making him suffer is not what I was getting at.

Of course you're not pet.

All the same, he's a five year old boy, he's bound to be missing his mum, spoil him rotten. Don't worry about the discipline until you're certain he knows he's really really really loved.

I also wasn't talking about discipline.
Of course he needs to feel really really loved.

Maybe we mean different things when we talk about discipline. Going to bed on time is discipline, but every now and then I let my little boy stay up late and watch cartoons.

I know it's not the same, but after my wife died my kids got away with a hell of a lot more than they do now.

Ah. And I as a child got to stay up as late as I wanted (probably not when I was five, but not too long later) and look at how well I turned out....

But I get your point, because Morgan was talking about bedtime and jammies. That wasn't what set me off though - more like material things, entertainments.
All of which I'll admit are none of my business. Maybe there are some spoiled princes in my past come back to haunt my posting.

The next time I go out of town I will have my sister watch the both of them. GEEZ. Giant grasshoppers loose in the house. Fried Twinkies with vanilla ice cream all over the kitchen counter.

I knew I should have unplugged the stove.

But those "entertainments"--whether it's going to the beach, or visiting a fire house, or looking at planes, or going to the zoo, or a children's museum, or a movie--are ways of spending time together, and talking, and sharing experiences, and giving the child your attention, at the same time you're teaching him about the world, raising his curiosity, and showing him different interesting things, so he's learning something. And buying him interesting toys to play with, and sometimes joining him in play, also helps to keep him happy and stimulated. All of these things are ways of enriching a child's world--where are the negatives?

If a parent can afford to do these things, both in terms of having the time and the money to do them, why shouldn't they do them? Isn't this also the reason parents give their child music lessons, or dance lessons, or soccer lessons, and arrange play dates when they are a little older--to provide them with interests and entertainment?

Five year olds have a limited capacity to entertain themselves for any great length of time, they can't generate their own stimulation all the time, some of it has to be provided externally by an adult. Taking the child out somewhere, to do something special, is a lot better than parking him in front of a TV to watch cartoons for several hours. Antonio's being exposed to interactive experiences--things he can respond to, things that require activity. He's not being passive while everyone is dancing around trying to keep him amused--his "entertainments" seem to require some type of involvement, including involvement with the adult he is with--and the adults are also able to enjoy the entertainments with him, which makes things a little less boring for them. We adults need special treats, they break up the monotony of life, and kids need them too. And what makes them special is that we don't have them all the time--a steady diet of anything is no longer "special". And Antonio's not getting them all the time either, he's getting them as things to look forward to, and it's nice to have something to look forward to.

He isn't being given "stuff" in lieu of parental attention, he isn't being shunted into the background and provided with an electronic pacifier of some sort to keep him quiet and out of the way, and his own interests and needs aren't being ignored. That all seems great to me.

Maybe I'm just not connecting to what seems to be concerning you, osso. Were there any particular entertainments or material gifts you felt were too indulgent?

Antonio is far from being spoiled. He doesn’t get everything he wants. I will admit Morgan does pamper him and does treat him like a little prince, but I see nothing wrong with that, he has gone above and beyond to make my feel at home here.

Now Morgan does shop quite a bit for him but its all school clothes, kid’s books, he did buy him his own computer but Morgan was looking at it like an educational purchase since Antonio was always trying to use his laptop. I personally believe when we raise a child to have a clear understanding of each individual’s power to choose and give from a positive healthy place, we are never at risk of spoiling him, regardless of what we give him.

As long as he doesn’t try to teach Antonio how to cook I’m okay with it all.

We only know what gets posted. No way any of us can really judge what goes on with you and Antonio. I think he will likely grow up to be a great person, from what little I know.

Well said.

We did fine together. He only tried testing me the first night. He took his bath, put his PJ’s on and went to bed at his usual hour. It was a short work week for me as I had to get him ready for school, pick him up and take him to dinner. I didn’t cook at all.

With the exception of last night. We had dessert downtown, it was a fried twinkie with vanilla ice cream so when we got home we tried making one. I used spam to spray the pan but I didn’t notice it was garlic flavored, it was aweful. He may never ask for another fried twinkie again.

His pet grasshopper pulled an escape in the house, we have yet to find it.

I was so exhausted by the time daddy came home I slept in until 8am this morning.