whats all this "technology" stuff about?

I could be wrong here, but I'd guess it's because yours isn't a touch screen.

no! it's apple, so everything is touch screen!

ah, there's your problem.

I thought apple was a fruit?

It was removed from all Apple computers as part of the debt ceiling compromise.

maybe that's how they are so far ahead. they stuff apples in their computers!

Hamilton, you're supposed to touch your screen with a ballpin hammer silly. If tapping the screen doesn't work then hit it harder until it works.

Sheesh!! What an uneducated luddite!

Oh, the Goldman method!

(I'm figuring Tsar is speaking of a ball peen hammer not a ball pin hammer although maybe it's a ballpoint pen attached to a hammerhead shark.)

ohh...
warning! blond joke ahead!
a blond has a ding in her car. she takes it into a repair shop, and he, seeing she is a dumb blond, tells her that she can fix this herself, by blowing into the car exhaust. so she goes home and does that. after an hour, her friend, also a blond, comes in, and asks, "what are you doing?". the first blond explains why she is doing that, and says "i've been going forever, but the ding wont come out!"
the second one says "dummy! you have the window's rolled down. roll them up!"

Ahhh...an apple a day, keep the support guy away???

and the dentist! to birds with one apple!