18
   

foot fetish what should I do

 
 
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2011 10:42 pm
I have been married for a few years now. I love my wife dearly. Our sex life is good. I have a foot fetish. I like to receive a foot job while she wears stockings. She has done this for me a few times now, but she really doesn't enjoy it she has complained while she has done it before and she thinks it is weird, She also doesn't let me finish while she is doing it, this is something I would really like to do. She is not very adventurous. Would it be ok if I went to a "provider" just for this fetish and nothing else? Would that be a really terrible thing? This is something I really would like to do. This would be a one time thing. I could see a fight develop if I push the issue with her. She is not a very sexually adventurous person. She doesnt even touch my penis with her hands. I think it grosses her out. I think talking about it will only lead to a fight. I think she is also afraid of cum. I do love her the regular sex is good. Just want to get this one awesome footjob and be done with it. I think I will be satisfied with that. It's not like I would be having actual sex with the provider. I am not looking for that. After we got married I thought she would get more adventurous but that never really happened.
 
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2011 10:52 pm
@nylonguy,
You might be better off getting advice from a well lauded sex columnist like Jamie Bufalino or Dan Savage.

Quote:
Send letters to Jamie Bufalino c/o Time Out New York, 475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor, New York, NY 10018, or send e-mail to [email protected]


Quote:
After we got married I thought she would get more adventurous but that never really happened.

Though I'm not married, I've only heard complaints to the opposite effect. That most married couples suffer a less adventurous sex life postmarriage then their prior premarriage sex life.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Sun 12 Jun, 2011 05:32 pm
She doesn't like to touch you? your feet OR your penis?

You have more problems than just a foot fetish.

Will she go to counseling with you?
0 Replies
 
jcboy
 
  2  
Reply Sun 12 Jun, 2011 07:25 pm
I went out with a guy with a foot fetish, it lasted about two days. All he wanted to do was suck my toes.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Jun, 2011 09:25 pm
@jcboy,
I think that feels awesome! I agree with Punkey, sweetheart. Your wife is too uptight about sex. She should love your body. A therapist and a funky cool encounter weekend sound like something you should look into. This is why people cheat and ruin marriages. It's a big deal. She owes you some understanding and leeway here.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 01:09 pm
@nylonguy,
nylonguy wrote:

After we got married I thought she would get more adventurous but that never really happened.


What made you think that?

I can see someone getting more adventurous because they no longer fear a pregnancy without marriage, if that's important to them. However, I don't see why a person would get more adventurous.

More comfortable yes, but not necessarily more adventurous. If a person doesn't like something, they don't like it. Don't see why having a ring on your finger would change it.

One could of course say that if you know the other person enjoys something you should accomodate.
I look at it like if you respect me you wouldn't ask.

I'd heard, and the picture below shows, that the area of the brain for the genitals is right next to the one for the toes, and the feet.
Supposedly that why a foot fetish is the most common fetish, and it overlaps.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/files/2010/04/brainmap.jpg

Me? I'd be totally grossed out if someone put any part of my foot in their mouth, or asked me, and I'd refused. As far as what the OP asked for, I don't know if I'd do it. If I did, I wouldn't have any physical feeling about it one way or the other, and would probably just think it really silly.
If I agreed though, I wouldn't say that, I'd just do it. I'm sure I'd have to think of something productive like work or planning a menu, because I sure couldn't think about what I was doing.

eh, to each his own, but both people have to be willing. She's not, and I wouldn't ask.
I also wouldn't go elsewhere, because you're kidding yourself if once would be enough.

0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 01:18 pm
@Lash,
Lash wrote:

I think that feels awesome! I agree with Punkey, sweetheart. Your wife is too uptight about sex. She should love your body. A therapist and a funky cool encounter weekend sound like something you should look into. This is why people cheat and ruin marriages. It's a big deal. She owes you some understanding and leeway here.


I don't know, I don't think that's fair.

One person's uptight is anothers wild abandon.

People don't like to be called a slut because they are on one end of the spectrum. Why should they appreciate being called uptight.

To me, sounds like the OP came into this marriage with unrealistic sexual expectations of her.

She wasn't adventurous before, what did he expect?

Let's look at it from her point of view.
Oh come on, try it, try it, try it. Then the resentments, the wheedling, the blaming that you're not making me happy.

****, that's a lot of pressure on someone, which could cycle her around and make her even more uptight.

chai2
 
  0  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 01:30 pm
@Lash,
Re-reading this, I just gotta look at this from the wife's point of view...

Lash wrote:

I think that feels awesome! Well goody for you! I don't! I agree with Punkey, sweetheart. Well, I'm glad that you two complete strangers are in agreement with what's wrong me me. Your wife is too uptight about sex. Screw you, I think you're a slut. She should love your body. Thanks for sharing A therapist again, thanks for your opinion, but MYOB and a funky cool encounter weekend sound like something you should look into. OK, this one is something "I" really would say to you...I do not want a "funky", "cool" "encounter" weekend, and you've really overstepped your bounds in telling me what I should look into This is why people cheat and ruin marriages. Hardly the only reason. He's ruining the marriage by trying to get me to do something I don't want to. It's a big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal that he keeps trying to get me to do this, and I don't want to She owes you some understanding and leeway here. Sounds like he owes her some.


Personally, I think the wife needs to be asked if she is happy and content with her own sexuality. If she is, than that's the person she is, and it's not fair to try to be something else.
PUNKEY
 
  5  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 03:28 pm
This woman won't touch his penis!!

And he's worrying about feet?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 03:38 pm
@PUNKEY,
Punky, maybe not everyone likes the same thing you do.

I always think of that song "behind closed doors"

People like to defend others that do all kinds of strange, kinky, different things.

Why not defend someone who doesn't want that?

I'm quite sure there are plenty of other women that don't like to touch their partners genitals, and as unbelieveable as it may sound, men who don't like to do so either.

I don't know, this just bothers me that people are supposed to make an effort to go out there and try something, when they know they won't like it. If it doesn't bother them one way or the other, sure, if you want, go ahead. But if the woman doesn't want to touch a penis, she doesn't want to touch a penis. That's her choice.
Some people just aren't that sexual, and there is absolutly nothing wrong with that, and they don't need a therapist.


I totally don't believe in that saying "don't knock it until you've tried it."
I'm sure there's plenty of sexual things somone thinks you "should" try, but you know you won't like it, and don't need to try it to verify.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 03:46 pm
@nylonguy,
nylonguy wrote:
Would it be ok if I went to a "provider" just for this fetish and nothing else?


wouldn't this be a question for your wife?

I don't think there would be anything wrong with it - but it doesn't matter what I think - it really only matters what you and your wife can agree to on this.

Did you discuss both of your sexual habits and preferences prior to marriage? If not, it is possible that you will need counselling as a couple to clarify what the sexual / relaionship deal-breakers are for the two of you.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 08:50 pm
@chai2,
He said she won't touch his penis. That's uptight.
Lash
 
  3  
Reply Mon 13 Jun, 2011 09:00 pm
@chai2,
I guess if the wife had the balls to tell me the **** you said in red - I'd explain that it is my business when her husband asks his questions online; that her refusal to touch his penis is likely going to ruin her marriage; that she can call me a slut if she likes, but her anger with me is likely some misdirected emotion derived from her own deep sexual problems; the sexual encounter weekend idea was for her husband, who is so miserable stuck in a weird sexual relationship with her that he asked strangers' advice; and that she does indeed need to talk to a professional about her problems being intimate with her husband.

chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jun, 2011 05:31 am
@Lash,
Lash wrote:

He said she won't touch his penis. That's uptight.


Respectfully Lash, that's uptight to you.

It may not be uptight to her.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Tue 14 Jun, 2011 06:05 am
@Lash,
Lash wrote:

I guess if the wife had the balls to tell me the **** you said in red - I'd explain that it is my business when her husband asks his questions online; that her refusal to touch his penis is likely going to ruin her marriage; that she can call me a slut if she likes, but her anger with me is likely some misdirected emotion derived from her own deep sexual problems; the sexual encounter weekend idea was for her husband, who is so miserable stuck in a weird sexual relationship with her that he asked strangers' advice; and that she does indeed need to talk to a professional about her problems being intimate with her husband.



Again, respectfully.
the things I said in red were not ****.

She, from the information given, came into the marriage as she is now.
He's the one that thought she'd change. Don't know why he thought that. Did he ask her if she thought she'd get more comfortable? Did he just assume?

Whose fault is it the husband is miserable? He's the one who went into marriage thinking things would be different once the ring was on the finger.
Perhaps she's miserable as well. She married thinking the man was satisfied with her, only to find out he wants her to change from the person she is.

It has been repeated to women (and men) over and over again, that if one person forces the other person to do something sexual, that they have been clear in stating they don't want to do it, that's rape, or sexual assault, abusive, regardless of whether you're married to the person or not.

It's been said on this forum, for one place, that if a man has his pants down with a huge hard on, having been aroused by the woman intentionally, that if he has his dick one millemeter from her vagina, and she says "no" he must stop, or else be guilty of rape.
But, a woman who has made her distate for certain things, clearly and repeatedly, here is told she is uptight, has sexual problems, needs a therapist, needs an encounter weekend, etc.

I can't assume she has problems being intimate with her husband. Perhaps she enjoys making love to him very much. Or at least she enjoys it when not being asked to do things she doesn't want to do, and has repeatedly said she doesn't want, or like.

What is supposed to be the purpose of the therapy/encounter? To get her to want or like something? To learn that her body is not her own, but rather a tool to be used to satisfy someone else?

I've been married a long time. Both of us have things we don't enjoy, even though it's something the other does.
Out of respect and love, we don't ask each other to do these things. Oh sure, over the years, one or the other of us has said to ourselves "I'll do this because it pleases the other." But because of the open communication and acceptance of our differences, we accepted, nay welcomed, that it's not making love if both of us aren't enjoying everything.
So, I don't ask him to do this, which I find quite sexy, and he doesn't ask me to do that, which he likes.
There's no scoreboard on the wall where I say "hey, you don't want to do 6 things, and I don't want to do only 2 things. You need therapy so you can get your number down to 2, because you're uptight."

IMO sex ruins a lot less marriages than money matters, addictions to things like drugs, family interference, etc. etc.

I think this guy came on here to get approval from others to get a food job from a prostititute so he can feel ok about it.
As ehbeth said, that's something he needs to get his wife approval on, not ours.

If the wife had come on here and started a thread saying her husband wanted her to do things she has told him multiple times she didn't want to do, she'd have been told that was her right.
Lash
 
  3  
Reply Sat 18 Jun, 2011 02:39 pm
@chai2,
He asked questions on a forum where I have every right to respond. The "not your business" accusation is ****.

Yeah. I pretty much stand by everything I said. He made a mistake marrying a woman who won't touch his pecker. He'll probably wind up leaving her or cheating on her.

It is abnormal and evidence of an intimacy problem.

Thankfully, not mine.

blueveinedthrobber
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 03:20 pm
@Lash,
I was married to a woman who refused to give head and I was okay with it...until I learned that it was only me she refused to give head to....that was a little annoying.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 03:45 pm
@blueveinedthrobber,
Did you wash it first? Confused
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 03:57 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

Lash wrote:

He said she won't touch his penis. That's uptight.


Respectfully Lash, that's uptight to you.

It may not be uptight to her.


No, no, that's wrong. Part of every marriage is sex and if she refuses to
touch his penis than she's uptight. It's certainly not normal behavior, period! Anyone who thinks otherwise is just as uptight - it's still not normal behavior. Not at all.

If she doesn't want to give into his foot fetish, fine, she doesn't want to please him, so be it, but not to touch him and parts of him - no no, that's sick!
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 07:12 pm
I'm in the middle on this. I understand uptight, though for better or worse that is not me, speaking generally. Freeing someone from uptight, if you see that as a good thing, I dunno. Invasive, I think. But that's a general thing with me, I'm not out to change people, perhaps because I'm not good at it, but also people have rights to who they are, now. Many times when I have changed on a view in any matter, re politics, design, relationships, it might have been from someone's throwaway sentence that stayed with me.

People should of course talk about this stuff before signing up for a life journey, but as society has it, this often doesn't occur.

Uptights should marry each other - but it is more complicated than that, in that some uptights can later see the light (or dark, depending on your view).

A key question here is if people ever change in sexual patterns, and if they do or don't, why or why not? If I cared, I'd have stuck with psych as a major.



I do think I have a view that societies that have quite strict rules for sexual congress have a fantastic business going with bordellos.
0 Replies
 
 

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