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what makes someone a jerk?

 
 
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2011 05:27 pm
what does it take to become a jerk? any examples? (besides myself, please.)
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 3 Jun, 2011 05:41 am
@hamilton,
Helfino, but some general observations -
  1. Some people do not get social cues so they don't even realize they are making someone uncomfortable
  2. Others do not know when to quit or tone it down, so either their behavior is inappropriate or it becomes that way
  3. Yet others get pleasure out of twisting the knife, jumping on weaknesses and making others squirm
  4. And others have an agenda, a hobby horse they ride, no matter what
  5. There are the ones who cannot let their argument guard down even for the sake of simple humanity, e. g. to offer condolences or take a bit of good-natured ribbing


I have seen all of these online in the decade or so that I've been on forums. Plus of course I see them in person as well. For forums, I've found that #1 is kinda unfortunate although some of them, after some real talking-tos, can figure it out. For #2 types, some of that can go away over time as people get used to a site and its players, and form relationships. For #3 types, I've never liked this, and I think that ignoring them is often the way to go, and starve them out of attention for such boorish behavior. For #4 types, that's also a case for ignoring - oh, not again/here we go again. Well, just ignore them. I mean, if you're going to talk about the New York Mets and this person is just gonna spout off about global warming, and you're tired of hearing it, why open their posts at all? Finally, with #5 types, I think those dismay me the most. I am not saying that we all must suddenly speak well of the dead, or share pics of our pet ocelots or whatever, but it's those shared experiences that make us all human under the skin. And someone who is incapable of letting a topic about the Mets actually be about the Mets, and join in, and laugh, or cannot comfort someone who is feeling down, well, I have trouble with that because it seems to be a basic flaw in their humanity, IMHO.
0 Replies
 
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Jun, 2011 07:33 am
A total lack of consideration for others is a good start to being a jerk. Insulting people for their opinions is another.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  4  
Reply Fri 3 Jun, 2011 07:39 am
I don't know who put H2O Man in the tags, but that was really low-rent. At first i assumed the author had done that, but the text shows that he didn't necessarily have anyone in mind. (He may have, but it's not evident from the opening post.) I personally think it's really bad form to take a cheap shot like that, and make another member the subject of a thread (apart from condolences threads). Í'm glad to see that this is not the case here, but whoever put H2O Man's name in the tags is a jerk him- or herself.
kuvasz
 
  3  
Reply Fri 3 Jun, 2011 03:49 pm
@hamilton,
A combination of selfishness, lack of self-reflection and devoid of empathy.
0 Replies
 
hamilton
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jun, 2011 04:04 pm
@Setanta,
oh yeah, h20 man... you know, im kind of new here, so im still at a lost for why everyone hates him... could you (or anyone) put a link or something to a topic with examples, so that at least i know why?
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jun, 2011 04:14 pm
@hamilton,
You make someone a jerk.

Whether someone is a jerk or not is a subjective opinion. It is in the eyes of the beholder. Is Michelle Bachmann a jerk? Many people think she is a decent patriotic American. I happen to think she is a jerk. My opinions say much more about me then about her. I also don't think John Stewart is a jerk.

I suspect neither of them care what I think. Nor do I care what people think I am a jerk.
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 10:13 am
@hamilton,
Don't you think it is funny that we characterize people by their dominant characteristic and so blind ourselves to the whole person???...

I have seen people be jerks for perfectly good reasons, and be assholes for no reason what so ever... The more you need some one the more it hurts when they **** on you... My problem is needing everyone, and the next problem for me is finding some point we can all agree on so that we can form relationships from that point of agreement going into the future... I guess I am the same as others in finding no redeeming characteristics in some and in finding they see no good characteristics in me... The best I can say is that I hope we are both wrong... You have to figure that most of us had mothers that loved us, and some times we have family that love us, and politiciians that love us so long as they can count on our votes, and not asking any questions...
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 10:19 am
@hamilton,
hamilton wrote:

oh yeah, h20 man... you know, im kind of new here, so im still at a lost for why everyone hates him... could you (or anyone) put a link or something to a topic with examples, so that at least i know why?
I don't hate him... Hate is the hidden side of fear... People feel they cannot admit their fear because it makes them feel powerless, so they admit to hate which makes them feel powerful... But if you cannot act on it, hatred tears you up... I would rather just admit the fear, deal with it, and get over it... And I guess I do have some slght fear of waterman, or at least the blind irrationality he often represents so well, but only because I know there are so many like him out there and many of them are well armed and without heart, unconnected to their humanity, having an ideology and thinking it a philosophy...
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 10:29 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

You make someone a jerk.

Whether someone is a jerk or not is a subjective opinion. It is in the eyes of the beholder. Is Michelle Bachmann a jerk? Many people think she is a decent patriotic American. I happen to think she is a jerk. My opinions say much more about me then about her. I also don't think John Stewart is a jerk.

I suspect neither of them care what I think. Nor do I care what people think I am a jerk.

I do not believe this is true... Some one must have some recognizable characteristics of a jerk to be seen as such... To pre-judge some one is wrong, and requires a lot of quick subjective judgments that everyone should avoid because we project so much of ourselves in the act of judgment... If you see a few people are jerks when a lot of others see it too, then you are not judging yourself too badly... If you judge all of humanity to be so many assholes, even when that fact may well be possible, you are judging yourself with the same call... Who do you know well enough to judge??? When you are inclined to judge great numbers you are saying this great number is in the wrong, and I am right... How often do we see that???... The truth, social truth, is a matter of agreement, and if they agree, and we alone disagree, without some good reason on our side it is safe to presume we are in the wrong... You cannot be contrary to everything and everyone without being judged contrary...
0 Replies
 
hamilton
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 11:39 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

You make someone a jerk.

Whether someone is a jerk or not is a subjective opinion. It is in the eyes of the beholder. Is Michelle Bachmann a jerk? Many people think she is a decent patriotic American. I happen to think she is a jerk. My opinions say much more about me then about her. I also don't think John Stewart is a jerk.

I suspect neither of them care what I think. Nor do I care what people think I am a jerk.

its like when people say "dont judge me". its impossible not to, because we are constantly making our stereotypes of others, trying to figure them out. you need to judge someone to interact with them.
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 02:47 pm
@hamilton,
hamilton wrote:

maxdancona wrote:

You make someone a jerk.

Whether someone is a jerk or not is a subjective opinion. It is in the eyes of the beholder. Is Michelle Bachmann a jerk? Many people think she is a decent patriotic American. I happen to think she is a jerk. My opinions say much more about me then about her. I also don't think John Stewart is a jerk.

I suspect neither of them care what I think. Nor do I care what people think I am a jerk.

its like when people say "dont judge me". its impossible not to, because we are constantly making our stereotypes of others, trying to figure them out. you need to judge someone to interact with them.
You only need to judge some one as much as you need to use them... If you are a general in an army you are going to look at every man on your team as an asset or an impediment... If you got nothing to do, and nothing to accomplish then you can take people as they come seeing the good in each and disregarding the bad, or the worthless... It is rather, as a result of interaction that we should judge, and not before the fact, as is often done...
hamilton
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 04:22 pm
@Fido,
thats quite cruel...
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 05:58 pm
@hamilton,
hamilton wrote:

thats quite cruel...
Not trying to be... I was trying to tell the truth and the truth is sometimes cruel... Sorry..
0 Replies
 
hamilton
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 06:13 pm
jerkyness is in the eye of the beholder
it takes one to know one...
does that make everyone a jerk?
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 06:32 pm
@hamilton,
This is going to sound obnoxious but I don't mean it exactly that way. I just wonder.

I take some (not all) of the plethora of philosophic threads here as faux innocente questioning and, as a group, I find those threads annoying. They seem to be all posted by people of sixteen in love with the idea of being philosophers, but I suppose the posters can be multiples of that age, still quaintly wording and wending.

Can't any of you talk straight? It is like the octopuses' garden but filled with poseurs who mean well, bumping and bumping.

Have you found that we have a Group here called the philosophy forum? (see in the blue banner above)
http://groups.able2know.org/philforum/




Ok, ok, I'm a jerk.

You may pass, Hamilton, as you seem to have a toe on the street, but keep pressing it to the pavement.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 06:34 pm
@hamilton,
Quote:
jerkyness is in the eye of the beholder
it takes one to know one...
does that make everyone a jerk?


Of course.

Don't you know someone that you think is a jerk that everyone else seems to like? Aren't there people who think you are a jerk.

We are all jerks in someone's eyes. But, you shouldn't let that bother you.
hamilton
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 06:35 pm
@maxdancona,
of course i dont let it bother me. screw people who hate me.
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 06:37 pm
@hamilton,
hamilton wrote:

jerkyness is in the eye of the beholder
it takes one to know one...
does that make everyone a jerk?
Not completely true... We detest and notice in others the qualities we least like in ourselves, and often project them onto others...life is often like one of those rochach(sp) tests, where people are shown meaningless ink blots and encourage to say what they represent... Over all, the stories the tell, or the pictures they see tells something of themselves, and what they are... Jerks see jerks, assholes see assholes, formal people see formal behavior, monsters see monsters, insects see insects... And no, I have no more than a casual understanding of the subject... But that much is obvious, that when we see others in the wrong, we should at least wonder if it is not us in the wrong... In point of fact, the range between good people and bad is not so wide... We are not angels...
hamilton
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2011 06:39 pm
@Fido,
fido, you're a self proclaimed pessimist, but you think that statement is wrong??? jerk... Laughing
 

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