Got a notice in mail owe child support, Need some advice!

There is more to this story the mom is way older than the dad, he didnt even know he was a dad till recently. This mom convinced him with alcohol to sleep with her. Now there is a child. We are trying to help this young man get his life straight and do what is right. Does he need to go to a social service office, court room, child support office.

I'm thinking lawyer first. Child support offices have a very strong bias in favor of collecting from someone.

Better find out who that 'notice' was from. It's hard to imagine a child support agency sending out such a letter without backing from a court. That lawyer is going to need much more than what you have given here. I suppose the young man can provide it.

family court, selfhelp centers,file for dna,visation,,,court orders,fee waivers help too if you dont have money to pay,,,good luck

If he received an order for a hearing, he should go.
Tell the judge or mediator what you have stated here.

Has he taken a paternity test?
If not, he needs to, but I am sure the court will order one. She has the burden of proof to show she is assessing the correct man.

If he is the father, a support figure $$$ will be set, according to his income. He needs to gather all the paperwork that proves his income.

Then he needs to figure out visitation. When and where he will visit the child.

A lawyer will help out, but in each of the above steps, everyone will see either the judge or the mediator, so just be prepared with what you want.

Thank you so much this is going to help. We are just struggling knowing where to get started. It seems this mom has used severeal young men for her pleasures, he was 16 at time of conception of the child, she was 19 or 20. Think this will play a part in any decisions? The young man has no issues with taking care of his child. He is trying to do the right thing, but he also wants to be a part of his life if it is his child. Not having anyone to help him in the past he just kind of let this mom drag things along, one minute its his child next minute its not. I think she was waiting till he turned 20 so it wouldnt look so bad in court the dad being under 18. He wants to file for a test, he doesnt have a lot of money but willing in his heart to do whats best for the child. Thank you for your advice. Not all dads are deadbeats they just get the bad end of the deal since all the laws are for the moms only.

All the laws are NOT for the moms only ... that is a common misconception. But, until he has established some legal rights with regard to the child, it is very true that this mom's rights are clearly superior to his.

You are not clear in your initial post as to what sort of "notice" came in the mail. Have legal proceedings been started to assert that this guy is the father of the child? For example, has Mom gone to the local child support enforcement agency for assistance in obtaining child support? Have they filed a Petition in court? Or has Mom done that on her own? Or has Mom just sent this guy a letter?

If court proceedings have been started, he needs to file a responsive pleading ASAP. If court proceedings have not started, he could file a Petition to establish paternity himself. In either case, he should request genetic testing to determine whether he is the father. In this case he can request parenting time. He would be wise to calculate what child support he MIGHT owe to the mother, and set that amount each month into a separate account. Otherwise, he might end up owing a substantial amount of back child support -- a debt he might never be able to get out from under.

He should get a lawyer for all of this.

Thank you so much, we are learning so much very quickly! It just seems everything tells the mom step by step what to do. We have taken this young man in to help him get his life on the right track. The notice in the mail seems to be from the Child Support Office. It seems there has possible already been something established in the court possible 10 months ago. Which is when he turned 20.

Since the young man is just unlearned to all the legal side of having a child he is just lost on what to do. It seems many have taken advantage of this young man. The mom hasnt sent him anything, when he tries to talk with her she avoids him or says I cant talk now her new man in the home doesnt want this young dad invovled. The statements have been made the new man in home doesnt want child to go with young dad. I am trying to help find the answers to the questions you posted. It seems a lawyer would be best. How to find a good lawyer is the next step.
Can we go to the local child support enforcement agency to find out if & when she started the petition for child support?
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This responsive pleading that needs to be filed can be done by just walking into the Court place? Sorry to not have any knowledge in this. Guess I will just go to the local court house and start asking questions.
If the Court proceedings have stared can he still request a genetic test?

If this is his child and the Court sees he wants to be a dad to this child will the mom have choice to give him rights to see the child, visitation rights, ect.? Will she be able to say no he cant see him but still has to pay child support?

This young man has been trying to survive on the streets for many years. One of those where the his family is not able to take care of him and he was out on his own going place to place to survive. He has been with us for 7 mon. and doing really good getting his life together. Thank you for all the information, I now have some starting places to go ask questions.

URL: http://able2know.org/topic/171765-1

Possibly, but these agencies are often quite unhelpful. I would examine the notice for any "Case Number" or case caption. The local court house will have a file on any open case, and he can get copies of the pleadings there. If a case has been filed, the first question I have is whether your friend has actually been "served" with the legal paperwork. In some states, signing for a certified letter containing the Petition is sufficient. There might be a "Certificate/Affidavit of Service" filed in the case.


Well, it probably depends on your State. Some States have "self-help" centers, which have some forms for use by the public.

If the case was started by a child support agency -- filed on behalf of the mother -- the Petition does not probably address parenting rights ... just child support. Thus, in order to obtain visitation rights, your friend is going to need to ask for them, either in his Response/Counterclaim, or in a "Petition to Establish Custody and Parenting Time."


Yes, and it ought to be granted. It is possible that if he is in "default" (meaning he has already been served a long time ago, and he didn't file his responsive pleading within the time allotted) he will need to request that the "default" finding be "set aside", and he would probably need to establish "good cause" for why the judge should do that. But it is in the best interests of the child to know with certainty who his/her father is, so I would imagine the DNA test would be granted. Often, the child support agency will have asked for that test in their Petition, and they often have certain labs they use which have lower cost.


Technically speaking, no parent (mother or father) has inherently superior rights to a child, simply by virtue of their gender. I.e., a mother does not have the ability to withhold parenting time simply because she carried the child for 9 months. That being said, she has probably been the primary caregiver to the child, so she has established herself as the primary parent. So, if she is not agreeable to giving him visitation, or if he is not able to reach a satisfactory agreement with her as to how much time he is able to spend with the child, his recourse is to petition the court for specific parenting time. His rights to have parenting time with his child exist whether or not he is current in the payment of his child support. But he will need to understand that it is likely Mom is not going to be agreeable to simply handing her child over to this guy, and letting him leave with the child for any period of time -- at least not at first. He should expect to have small doses of parenting time, which will/should increase gradually over time, as the child gets older and as he establishes his relationship with the child.

Obviously I am giving just general observations here, and much depends upon the particular circumstances of the case, the parties involved, and the particular jurisdiction where you live. What state do you live in?

Off hand I do no see unless he sign off somewhere that he is the father how anyone can collect a dime until there is a DNA done.

Second as someone had already ask where did this notice come from, her lawyer, a court, a child welfare agency?

Family courts routinely issue child support orders without genetic testing being done. But, usually if the putative father requests a test, it will be done. Sometimes a long time has passed since the finding of paternity (without DNA test ... perhaps a default finding), and some states are loath to "bastardize" a child since so much time has passed. I'm not suggesting I agree with this approach, but it is done.

No court hearings needed to be held a woman just can lay a claim and get a man declare a father without at least a court hearing over the matter before a judge?

Hell how can even an amount of support be order without a hearing on just that subject or an agreement by both parties?

The woman who did this post is not being clear as is this the first legal papers her son had received over this matter and did he ever sign off that he is the father?

Seem that we need more information.

Who for that matter is sending him this notice

In other word the state desire some man to pay any man to pay and does not care all that must if he is the father or not.

I didn't say that.


There is a hearing. The presence of the putative father is not required if he has been served and he fails to show up for court or otherwise respond to the initial filing.

Did he get serve earlier and was he stupid enough not to show up is the question that the poster of this thread did not address and seem to imply that was not the case.

Now if I was serve with such a claim I would show up with the best damn lawyer my savings would allow me to hire and if I could not hire a lawyer I would still show up anyway demanding that the child is proven to be mine by DNA testing.

By the way without the "father" in court how in the hell does the court know or judge his income?

Do they just take the word of the woman as they do concerning fatherhood or do they throw a dart at a dart board?

Yes.

Then they let the "father" come to court to show his income is otherwise.

By the way if the DNA test prove that he is not the father does he need to pay for it or does the woman picked up the tab.

Let me guess no matter how it ended up he pays ..........

The state simply desire some male to pay to support the child and if it the father that is fine and if it someone else that fine also.

By the way it is my understanding that the man does not even need to be serve directly as if the process server knock on the address he had been given and any person but a young child answer the door that person can be serve instead as a member of his household.

Hell I know that is true because my ex-wife sister took the divorce papers and did not tell her so I ended up divorcing her without her knowing it in Florida.

Normally, he does not pay if he's not the father.


Yes. Each state has its own rules for proper service of initial pleadings in a case. In some states, it is sufficient service for the Summons and Petition to be left with a resident of the address where the Defendant/Respondent lives, if they are of suitable age.

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Who then pay the woman or the courts?