Is the descriptive language readable?

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The image of the Chinese Zun, a traditional ritual vessel used on ceremonial occasions, gives inspiration for the proposed structure of Z15. The structure shoots up to the cloud, like a giant standing between heaven and earth, its body narrows as it goes up until it reaches the expected height and then expands towards the top so that it looks like a hyperbolical structure with a “narrowed waist” in the middle, towering majestically amidst a group of skyscrapers above the CBD core area, and emitting an oriental charm.

Is the above text readable?

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@fansy,

Yuppers.

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@fansy,

Sure is, it reads like someone learning to write English.

The image of the Chinese Zun, a traditional ritual vessel used on ceremonial occasions, gives inspiration to the proposed Z15. The structure shoots toward the clouds like a giant standing between heaven and earth. Its body narrows then blossoms near the top like the two curves of a hyperbola, its oriental allure towering majestically amidst the skyscrapers of the CBD.

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@fobvius,

If the text is meant to be published it needs editing.

Keeping as much of the original text as I can, I'd suggest:

The image of the Chinese Zun, a traditional ritual vessel used on ceremonial occasions, gives inspiration to the proposed Z15. The structure shoots toward the clouds like a giant standing between heaven and earth. Its body narrows then blossoms near the top like the two curves of a hyperbola, its oriental allure towering majestically amidst the skyscrapers of the CBD.

This rendition of the text is about B grade.

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@fansy,

I didn't want to comment but fobvius is right. You need to learn more adjectives to describe with one or two words instead of whole phrases especially if you take too long a sentence to describe something.

'sky high' could subsitute for shoots up to the cloud; 'giant' does need not have 'between heaven and earth' sounds childish; ''narrow waist' can do away with the rest.

The tall narrow structure almost reaching to the clouds, towers above other skyscrapers in the CBD core area and emits an oriental charm.

I can't say I am a writer but I am more accustomed to technical writing.

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@talk72000,

Quote:

The image of the Chinese Zun, a traditional ritual vessel used on ceremonial occasions, gives inspiration to the proposed Z15. The tall, hyperbolic-shaped, narrow-waist structure almost reaches the clouds. It towers above other skyscrapers in the CBD core area and emits an oriental charm.

I rewrote the above paragraph. Do you accept it?

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@fansy,

Chinese Zun

It seems to have a cup shape on top and vase-like.

You could substitute hourglass instead of hyperbolic and narrow-waist

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hourglass

It is better to use ordinary object for shape reference than some scientific description.

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@talk72000,

Quote:

The design of Z15 project is expected to incorporate unique Chinese features. The outer look of a Zun (a Chinese drinking vessel), the mechanism of bamboo works, or the Kung-Ming sky lantern, as well as the holistic approach to the urban design with regard to the skyline of the CBD gateway—all these indicate that this is going to be a new structure to be located in the capital city, which reflects the Chinese culture and represents the future of Beijing.

The above is a revised version describing the tall building to be constructed in the CBD core area, lying to the east of Beijing. Is the description clear enough to you?

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@fansy,

http://eforericyong.blogspot.com/2011/02/z15-tower-beijings-latest-skyscraper.html

It looks like an elongated cube stretched thin in the middle. It doesn't look at all like any of your descriptions.

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Is the descriptive language readable?

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