I know something I shouldn't know

IF Mo asks, then Boomer needs to step up and TELL THE TRUTH.

Mo: Mom, what happened to my friend the other day? Why did he freak out?

B: I don't know. He seemed better when you all got home. I think he may have a lot on his mind. His mother died just three years ago and he seems to be having some problems about being away from home, and stuff. We can help him by being his friend and understanding that sometimes he may be extra sensitive or emotional. We will be there if he wants to talk about it.

1 Reply

But Jim has gone places with us in the car several times. He has never had a panic attack with us before. The only difference was that I didn't go along on this trip.

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@boomerang,

... the "but" is confusing me. You don't want to tell Jim's dad because it's been only one time?

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@sozobe,

The "but" was in response to the replies suggesting that Jim had panic attacks because of car rides. He doesn't normally.

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@sozobe,

Anyway, this reminds me of a situation with another branch of my family. There are two sisters who have different fathers, but they don't know that. Shocked

Their mom met her current husband when sister #1 was still a baby, and sister #2 came shortly thereafter. #1 looks very different from the rest of the family (a lot like her biodad, who she doesn't know exists).

We don't see this branch often, and somehow this had come up with sozlet and she knew about it. Then it was time to see them, and she was charged with not telling anyone (including other kids she was hanging out with, who could then tell the people involved). It was an uncomfortable conversation since we're generally anti-secrecy. She got it, and didn't say anything, but it was stressful to be in that situation. (As it happens, I found out when we were there that #1 probably does know, but since officially nobody knows anything, she hasn't spoken to #2 about it, who probably doesn't know, though she may just be going along with the family's preference and does know but pretends she doesn't... argh!)

I'm sure it's stressful to have that knowledge thrust upon you in such a flukey way.

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@boomerang,

I see.

You think he was worried about you? Trying to figure out the significance of the only variable being that you weren't there.

I think that if he thinks she died in a car accident and you're a calming influence, that could still be it. But my overriding point is just that (as far as I can tell), we don't KNOW one way or another. Especially, my experience tells me that we can't assume an 8-year-old knows that his mother committed suicide. Maybe yes but maybe no.

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

wouldn't you expect Jim's dad to tell you if something unusual happened to Mo while Mo was visiting them

Honestly? No, not really. If Mo was hurt of if Mo hurt someone, sure, otherwise, not so much. I think most parents are able to deal with unusual happenings.

I don't think it's particularly healthy for parents to know every single thing their kid does -- not healthy for the kid or the parent.

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

Quote:
wouldn't you expect Jim's dad to tell you if something unusual happened to Mo while Mo was visiting them

Honestly? No, not really. If Mo was hurt

I see this situation very much a "kid was hurt" situation.

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@engineer,

engineer wrote:

Actually, you don't know why Jim reacted the way he did (although I think you ideas are pretty good.) Jim had a medical problem in the car. His dad needs to know. You don't have to analyze it or explain it, but I think you have to report it. If Jim had an alergic reaction in the car, you would discuss it. Of course, that still leaves Mo. I think this story is Jim's to tell and you are ok not discussing it with Mo. It's not that you are keeping secrets, just that it's not your story to tell.

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@PUNKEY,

I don't think any of that is at issue, you know. The truth that people are saying that Boomer shouldn't tell Mo is that Jim's mum suicided.

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@boomerang,

This thread seems to be getting oddish.

I am not really sure that I know quite what you want help with Boomer....it seems you are getting some input that isn't especially helpful.

I think Jim's dad needs to know about the panic attack...you don't. But that doesn't seem to be the issue.

Are you just needing to vent? Is there some specific harm you fear for Mo?

1 Reply

@dlowan,

I don't know what I need help with either. I was just bugged by the whole thing. Venting, I guess, is what I'm doing. But it does help to talk it out.

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@boomerang,

I can see how the part about talking to Mo is hard. But I don't see why you can't talk to Jim's father about the panic attack. He probably thought at the time that the car-accident story was a white lie to tell his son, and needs to know that he has inadvertently traumatized his son about driving in cars, and about maybe not coming back.

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

But Jim has gone places with us in the car several times. He has never had a panic attack with us before. The only difference was that I didn't go along on this trip.

Panic attacks happen somewhat randomly. They're not mechanical or predictable.

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

I don't think it's particularly healthy for parents to know every single thing their kid does -- not healthy for the kid or the parent.

But this isn't something that the child did, it is a medical condition that you observed and something that could reoccur, perhaps at a much worse time. If Jim had an epileptic fit, we wouldn't be having this conversation. If you didn't know anything about Jim at all other than he is Mo's friend, my guess is that you would mention it to the parent. I may be reading more into "panic attack" than actually happened so I may be over-reacting, but if your interpretation really is panic attack, then definitely mention it. The child may need professional attention and the father needs to know... or it may be nothing. That's Jim's Dad's call. I think knowing "something you shouldn't know" is confusing what would otherwise be a very straightforward decision.

1 Reply

You know, I think I'm the worst person in the world for dealing with this kind of stuff because I'm so damn immune to "odd" anymore. What seems odd to me seems like a hurricane to other people.

And I do so much appreciate the replies and I'm going to keep reading but I have to beg off for tonight. I'm 2 inches and one email away from pulling Mo out of that crap pile of a school and if I don't finish cooking dinner everyone here is going to get even grumpier.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

Have a rest!

I suspect the panic thing might very reasonably be triggered by you not being in the car

You're the mum when hes at Mos and suddenly he was in a situation where you weren't there

I don't think it's odd that Jim got anxious

I'm not sure how he progressed from being a great kid and friend for mo to being robotic and possibly drugged as he seems to do in your posts

I am wondering which post is more reflective of how you see him?

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@dlowan,

'I suspect the panic thing might very reasonably be triggered by you not being in the car"

Oh god - don't even go there with this thought . . .

1 Reply

@dlowan,

Quote:

I'm not sure how he progressed from being a great kid and friend for mo to being robotic and possibly drugged as he seems to do in your posts

I know something I shouldn't know

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