Recieving Help

Try it first and you will be more likely to focus on whatever you get.

The only reason to ask for helo on something you can do yourself is to somehow flatter the person you're asking. Sounds manipulative, actually.

Then again, it's possible I missed the intent of the question.

I'm with Roger on feigned helplessness. The "Oh, you great-big-strong-wonderful man" sthick should be gone with the wind.

Still, remember children should be taught to "help" as toddlers when they are still too young to make a substantial contribution. You must praise them relealistically for the work they do. Over praise will have a negative effect.

Remember, there are certain jobs that are easier with two people--and there is nothing wrong with asking for companionship on a particularly tedious chore.

Individual- I too, do not quite comprehend your intent. If it is about feigned helplessness, I do not approve of that.

I am thinking of something else though. Let's say there is a project that has to be done in the house. I think that you have to weigh the cost/benefits of the project, before you tackle it yourself.

For instance, you want to wallpaper a room. With a little preparation, you could do it yourself. You need to determine whether the time and effort involved is worth the money saved by doing it yourself. Each person, according to his or her circumstances, talents, and other committments, could reasonably come up with different, but equally logical conclusions.

I favour the 'learn by doing' methodology, whereas if i cannot do something myself i will seek an assistant who will teach me the details as we work together on the project.
And the corollory, of course; when i do something for someone else, wherever possible, i will try to show them the methodology along the way, so that next time they can do it for themselves, and also they can pass the knowledge on to others.

Phoenix sort of touched on what I meant.

Should you ask for help on something if you can do it but don't have the time.
Or should you do it yourself because you can't stand the thought of making somebody else do something when they really don't have to.

Should you ask someone to calibrate the altimeter for a space shuttle when you can't do it yourself.
Or should you learn how because you wouldn't make somebody do something that you couldn't do and it's much better to expand your mind anyways.

I hope you are starting to get it.

But I have just come to the conclusion that it really does depend on the circumstances.

I think I see what you mean. I don't have a car, but my retired neighbor does, and has offered to drive me places many times.
I would ask him for a ride to the doctor, if I were too sick to spend the time on a bus (the time difference would be almost an hour). I would not ask him for a ride to the store, which is an easy walk.
My teenage daughter, on the other hand, considers him a private taxi. She gets rides to friends' houses all the time... Always gives him gas money, but she asks when I wouldn't.
I've talked to the neighbor, and he seems to consider her a quasi-grandchild... He assures me that he's quite capable of saying no, and encourages me to ask him for rides myself.
So her attitude about asking and mine are quite different.

Exactly, there is no easy discussion for this one because there isn't really anything to argue about except private beliefs and inconsistent circumstances.

I'm perfectly capable of painting a room by myself.
In fact, having someone else there just slows me down and gets in the way. And they don't as good a job either.

But I still ask for help! just to have someone there.
It's not about helplessness or pride or standards or manipulation or independence or learning.
That's all just a mind-tweak, pretentious and judgemental.

I ask for help because that's what I want -- to share things together.
Do most folks really want nothing to do with people?

No, contact with people is actually a psychological need that is very hard to ignore especially when someone is in the position to receive help.

Well, I'm a perfectionist so I try to do things by myself, because I know that if I make a mistake, the only person I have to blame is me. I see your point, Smiley, that for some people it may be more enjoyable to work on, say, an algebra problem with help, you get twice as many ideas, eh? And on the painting situation, you would be able to talk to each other and make the work go faster.

Even if I can do something myself, if I don't have the time, then I really can't do it myself. Ya know?

If something must be done and you can do it, get to it. If something must be done once and you cannot do it, ask someone else. If something must be done again and again, ask for help until you have acquired the knowledge to do it yourself.

As for me, I won't help someone that is just too lazy to do it themselves. I have a low tolerance for sloth and senses of entitlement.

I cannot wire a house. I would hire an electrician. Unless, of course, I was to wire many houses, then I would learn by having an electrician help me.

As for helping out, that's different. My mother could paint the whole house by herself, but that doesn't mean she should have to. There's no reason that woman should work so hard. She could hire someone, but she has 2 able-bodied children to help her instead. According to her, that's why she had kids in the first place

Really? My mom had kids to wash the dishes...

My mommy had children to take out the trash and in the groceries. If you make your family members work, is that considered nepotism?

Individual, I think it's called communism.

I'm with Bo, though. Hands on is the only way to learn--that and asking questions as you plod along.

My daughter once taught her little friend next door to ride a bike. She put her on the bike and sent her rolling down a slight incline. Believe me, that kid learned where the brakes were immediately.

As for exploiting "the helplessness thing", that's just a way many people have of getting things done quickly so they can free up their time for other things. I call it the Tom Sawyer syndrome. Make something look appealing enough, and you can get your fence whitewashed.

The way I learned to ride a bike was a lot less traumatic.

Training wheels, right?

Like your screen name, individual. As Thoreau once observed, I am a majority of one.

That was my inspiration, him and emerson

Yes, I had training wheels. But they broke off every time that I fell over, they just made my mom more comfortable to see them there.

Emerson, Thoreau, and Whitman. Loved reading them, Individual. Can't say that I loved Frank Lloyd Wright, but I appreciated his derring do.(whatever that means)

"....The world exists for you--build therefore your own world" Wright quoting Emerson. Craven set me straight on that quote....

Don't you just hate to be upstaged by a kid?