29
   

Noise in my head threatening to cause rupture

 
 
squinney
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:25 am
@Lash,
NO WAY! Please don't. That could backfire.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:26 am
@squinney,
How?
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:31 am
@chai2,
Ok, continuation of crazy thoughts....

I was listening to Dr. Laura yesterday, and this cute 12 year old girl called in, saying she was being teased and picked at by a particular boy.

First doctor L pointed out that sometimes boys of that age do that because they really like the girl and don't know how to deal with it.

The girl acknowledged this, but didn't seem interested in him.

Dr. Laura said, "Every time he does that, say to him in front of his friends 'Aw, I know you tease me because you really like me', and do it with a big smile on your face."

The girl giggled, knowing the result would be the attention would now be turned onto this bully/teaser.

Now, while it's not necessarily true that someone bullying a gay kid really likes him, imagine turning the tables like that.

"You seem to really like paying attention to me. You know you just tease me because you like me" Saying that with a flirtatious eyebrow lift.

Might be worth the couple of punches you might get before the bully withers into nothingness as his friends turn on him.
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:31 am
@Lash,
Uh, it's here and Robert does a great job with SEO. It can probably already be googled.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:33 am
@squinney,
SEO? Could you explain what you're talking about?
Foofie
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:33 am
@snood,
I cannot know how much these folks are willing to be educated, but the concept of "reaction formation" might be of value for their understanding bullying?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation

For myself, I would make the concern over bullying, and what motivates it, just a generic concept. No specific type of bullying would be addressed. Why? Well, no use to antagonize anyone's long held beliefs (beliefs that go back, perhaps, centuries). The benefit to not antagonizing anyone would be so that one can get one's Master's Degree, and then be in a position to make decisions with that degree in one's hand.

The problem, I believe, with discussing whether or not gayness is inherent at birth, or a lifestyle choice, is that if it is to be thought of as inherent at birth, that could be perceived as indicting parents in some arcane way, perhaps. That might not be acceptable, based on the social mores of valuing one's parents, and the life they gave to a child? Just a very sensitive topic in some demographics.

In my own opinion, I would try to accept the need for a "tolerance for the ambiguity" that you might not be functioning true to your heart. To have a long term effectiveness in your chosen profession, one should not burn out by not being able to accept the ambiguity, of having to possibly compromise one's true feelings, in context of a world that is not necessarily on the same wavelength, so to speak, as yourself.

I also would try to not get a reputation for being a rabble rouser of sorts. Your reputation could then precede you, wherever you go (e.g. job references). Not good for one's long term opportunities, I believe.

The ubiquitousness of young bullies, in a society that believes the "meek shall inherit the Earth" may reflect an inherent hypocrisy in society? You do have your work cut out for you, so to speak.


0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:34 am
@Lash,
Search Engine Optimization (just looked it up)

Someone by googling could figure out where the idea came from.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 11:46 am
@chai2,
disturbing...
0 Replies
 
OCCOM BILL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 01:15 pm
@snood,
Tough dilemma, Snood. Your thoughts mirror my own in that it blows that the situation needs addressing and that you're not yet in a position to address it... which is NOT the same thing as selling out. The good you can accomplish once you have some tenure probably outweighs the importance of mucking up your chances of ever being in that position by making a big stink now.

FWIW, the school does appear to be following in the State's footsteps which would probably make your desire to include any particular group of victims fall on deaf ears. The State's code appears to be as non-descript as your school's policy:

Quote:
§416.13. Student code of conduct; requirement; harassment, intimidation, and bullying; prohibition; exemptions

A. By not later than August 1, 1999, each city, parish, and other local public school board shall adopt a student code of conduct for the students in its school system. Such code of conduct shall be in compliance with all existing rules, regulations, and policies of the board and of the State Board of Elementary and Secondary Education and all state laws relative to student discipline and shall include any necessary disciplinary action to be taken against any student who violates the code of conduct.

B.(1) By not later than August 1, 2001, each city, parish, and other local public school board shall adopt and incorporate into the student code of conduct as provided in this Section a policy prohibiting the harassment, intimidation, and bullying of a student by another student.

(2) For purposes of this Subsection, the terms "harassment", "intimidation", and "bullying" shall mean any intentional gesture or written, verbal, or physical act that:

(a) A reasonable person under the circumstances should know will have the effect of harming a student or damaging his property or placing a student in reasonable fear of harm to his life or person or damage to his property; and

(b) Is so severe, persistent, or pervasive that it creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for a student.

(3) Any student, school employee, or school volunteer who in good faith reports an incident of harassment, intimidation, or bullying to the appropriate school official in accordance with the procedures established by local board policy shall be immune from a right of action for damages arising from any failure to remedy the reported incident.

(4) The provisions of this Subsection shall not apply to the parishes of Livingston, East Baton Rouge, East Feliciana, West Feliciana, St. Helena, and Tangipahoa.

Acts 1999, No. 969, §1, eff. July 9, 1999; Acts 2001, No. 230, §1, eff. June 1, 2001.


That being the case, I would encourage you to consider that although you and I are among the great number of people who believe hate-crimes should carry a premium at sentencing; the opposition's argument is not entirely irrational. The ordinary straight white kid who is bullied mercilessly probably suffers no less from it. Though we happen to think that since the different kids are targeted so much more often (and in my case that the people who deliberately target the different show a deeper depravity); it is not completely unreasonable to aspire towards equal protection for all. I would take some comfort in the fact that it probably isn't just the gay kids who can't be mentioned specifically but rather that no special considerations are going towards any group, regardless of how vulnerable they may be.

Not so on the federal level as Obama's lawyers are already using Title IX to include sexual orientation in sexual discrimination, which means from a liability standpoint; the Parish's perceived protection by way of like-minded bigotry in their jury pools is becoming a thinner veneer of protection.

One would think you could work within the School District's parameter of not singling any particular difference out; and simply encourage ALL victims of bulling to report the abuses. In this way a very clear record of violations will be established that will likely demonstrate a high rate of incidence of the targeting of gay student's, and failure to act on this documented information is precisely what would open the school up to liability in the federal courts.

Rather than objecting to their obvious bigotry, the powers that be might be more pliable with considerations of potential liability and embarrassment. Is any school district so chuck full of bigots that it would be proud to go down in history as the next Board of Education of Topeka, as in Brown v. Board...? I'd like to think not, but if they do; so be it.

Don’t carry too big of burden yourself, Snood. It is unlikely that any amount of protestation from you would change the status quo. Continue to exercise your voice and your vote and try to be a little patient with the appallingly slow rate this nation progresses towards implementing our two century old ideals. There’s a LOT of ground between selling out and igniting your gasoline drenched torso to shed light on a problem that needs attention.
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 02:39 pm
@snood,
Good on ya, Snood, for being there for these kids.

Quote:
Today I actually sat and listened – incredulous – as the principal and counselor blamed some of the victims during a powwow with the counselors . They said things like “He acts so flamboyantly, what does he expect?” and “He’s a bit dramatic – he is just exaggerating the problem for attention!” It was so classic it seemed like part of some 'B' movie from THIRTY YEARS AGO.


Did you point out the ridiculousness to the idiots making the statements?

If the discussion can't include words like gay or homosexual, it pretty much misses the target for much of the bullied population. And I bet that not including homosexuals in the conversation is grounds for lawsuits......
Tryagain
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 02:55 pm
Wait up, what do we have here?

" If race were a blatant factor in the harassment; if it were almost any other identifiable ‘difference’ that was being targeted..."

A conundrum if I ever saw one!

" The ugly unspoken truth is that here in (Leesville, LA.) the ‘bible belt’ of the USA..."

So, you can denigrate poor God feerin' folk who form the last redoubt against the godless commie hordes - and that's ok is it?

El Dedo del destino points to...
Judges 1:19

And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the LA mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the South, because they had a chariot of iron.

According to Judges -- An Iron chariot was a term for God.

Support the Courts -- Believe in Judges..... Hallelujah!
Hymen to that sister!

0 Replies
 
snood
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 03:06 pm
@littlek,
Quote:
Did you point out the ridiculousness to the idiots making the statements?


I'm ashamed to say I didn't. I think I was in some disbelief that these words were coming from the mouths of these people, for whom I had been growing some admiration from watching what they do day in and out. You also have to take into consideration that these people's opinions of me and my general disposition could profoundly affect how easy or difficult my life is for the next 6 months. But I know that soon after that moment I became resolute never to sit quietly and listen to the same kind of thing in that school again.
0 Replies
 
snood
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 03:24 pm
@OCCOM BILL,
Quote:
That being the case, I would encourage you to consider that although you and I are among the great number of people who believe hate-crimes should carry a premium at sentencing; the opposition's argument is not entirely irrational. The ordinary straight white kid who is bullied mercilessly probably suffers no less from it. Though we happen to think that since the different kids are targeted so much more often (and in my case that the people who deliberately target the different show a deeper depravity); it is not completely unreasonable to aspire towards equal protection for all. I would take some comfort in the fact that it probably isn't just the gay kids who can't be mentioned specifically but rather that no special considerations are going towards any group, regardless of how vulnerable they may be.


I do take into consideration that the opposition to any bullying by anyone toward anyone for any reason is the thing that has to be adhered to, and am careful not to get wrapped too tightly around the axle in protest that specifics are not to be mentioned.

Quote:
Not so on the federal level as Obama's lawyers are already using Title IX to include sexual orientation in sexual discrimination, which means from a liability standpoint; the Parish's perceived protection by way of like-minded bigotry in their jury pools is becoming a thinner veneer of protection.


Hopefully it is a process that picks up momentum and carries them into the correct century soon.

Quote:
One would think you could work within the School District's parameter of not singling any particular difference out; and simply encourage ALL victims of bulling to report the abuses. In this way a very clear record of violations will be established that will likely demonstrate a high rate of incidence of the targeting of gay student's, and failure to act on this documented information is precisely what would open the school up to liability in the federal courts.

Rather than objecting to their obvious bigotry, the powers that be might be more pliable with considerations of potential liability and embarrassment. Is any school district so chuck full of bigots that it would be proud to go down in history as the next Board of Education of Topeka, as in Brown v. Board...? I'd like to think not, but if they do; so be it.


Well, they are definitely sensitive to that ‘l word’ – liability. Part of their renewed vigilance of late is directly connected to the angry phone calls from parents of bullied children, and fear of being trashed in courts – both as legal litigants and in the court of public opinion. Trust me that I am taking an audible and visible stand, albeit without the kind of abandon that might follow from nothing to lose.

Quote:
Don’t carry too big of burden yourself, Snood. It is unlikely that any amount of protestation from you would change the status quo. Continue to exercise your voice and your vote and try to be a little patient with the appallingly slow rate this nation progresses towards implementing our two century old ideals. There’s a LOT of ground between selling out and igniting your gasoline drenched torso to shed light on a problem that needs attention.


No tire necklaces here, boss. I’m aiming to be more of a long term pain in the status quo’s collective ass, rather than a short term one-man riot.
snood
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 03:31 pm
@sozobe,
Quote:
Do you (can you) have any contact with the kids who are being bullied?


Every day. They're my best customers.I even make it a point to go and just "hang out" during the P.E. classes that are hotspots, so I'm conspicuous to bullied and bullies alike.

Quote:
It seems like it could be so powerful to have just one adult say "I know -- I see it. It's wrong."


Oh, believe me, I make eye contact and they know that Mr B. is on their side. At least for as long as I'm here, they have an advocate and I am vigilant about letting them know it.

Quote:
I understand there may be limitations and repercussions there -- you're saying that the administration is wrong to fail to stop it.

But could that fall under confidentiality, privileged communication between counselor and client?


Confidentiality can be tricky, but I don't think it's one of the main considerations here. They are mostly just crippled by a rancid and corrosive morality, I think.

Quote:
It also puts you on the spot -- the natural response from them is "so can you do something about it?" And there's only so much you can do, and they might not want to hear that.

Just thinking aloud I guess.

Such a difficult situation.


It is, but you all have helped tremendously letting me "think aloud" about it, too.
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 03:38 pm
@snood,
snood wrote:
They are mostly just crippled by a rancid and corrosive morality, I think.


An excellent and very expressive turn of phrase. I've been reading along, Boss, but i have no wisdom to offer you. Respect, though, Bubba . . . Respect with that old capital "R" . . .
OCCOM BILL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 03:41 pm
@snood,
Good on you Snood. One more thing: As often as the opportunity to do so presents itself; try to encourage written or emailed complaints rather than phone calls… perhaps even suggest a fill-able form under the guise that the form itself would prove the school takes these matters seriously. As the paper piles up; so too does the liability. He said-she said is all but useless in a court of law... and fear of liability will probably sway these jackasses long before they suffer an attack of human decency.
0 Replies
 
snood
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 04:07 pm
@Setanta,
Setanta wrote:

snood wrote:
They are mostly just crippled by a rancid and corrosive morality, I think.


An excellent and very expressive turn of phrase. I've been reading along, Boss, but i have no wisdom to offer you. Respect, though, Bubba . . . Respect with that old capital "R" . . .

means a lot coming from ya, big dawg.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 04:28 pm
@snood,
No big advice from here, at this I-only-hope odd situation, but I doubt it's odd; I agree with Set on respect for you, Snood. I agree with O'Bill re paperwork making sense.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 06:18 pm
@snood,
snood wrote:

Quote:
Do you (can you) have any contact with the kids who are being bullied?


Every day. They're my best customers.I even make it a point to go and just "hang out" during the P.E. classes that are hotspots, so I'm conspicuous to bullied and bullies alike.


Oh good! I'm glad you're a presence. I'm sure that makes a big difference right there.
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Oct, 2010 06:45 pm
@sozobe,
Very good news! Not looking away when it happens is a lot more than others are doing.
0 Replies
 
 

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