Child on Child Abuse

Reply Mon 20 Sep, 2010 11:07 am
My 10 year old daughter just came forward this year while we were on vacation. She told me she had been abused by a neighbor her own age. The incidents occurred over a 2 year period. They were both 7 when it started. She told me that she went over to the neighbors house and they girl asked her to have sex with her. She then told her to take off her clothes and she pretended to do plastic surgery on her. Many things unfolded from there over the next two years. After my daughter told me about the abuse she had an extremely hard time with everything. She started with migraines around the age of 7 and has suffered with them ever since. She always had hot flashes and I never knew why. All these things are starting to now fall in place. She is now in counseling and it is not yet helping her. She struggles everyday and is suicidal more often then not. She thinks she is a lesbian and her mind plays tricks on her 24/7~!
I need help!!! Legally no one will do anything about it because they were 7 years old when it started. I know there is another neighbor who once was over when my daughter was there and "the girl" asked her to take her clothes off as well.
We no longer live in that neighborhood but the other two girls do and I am afraid it is happening to the other girl because the two of them were always together.
I will not be able to get over this until something is done to this girl! It isn't fair that my daughter is going crazy and this girl gets away with it.
Don't you think at 7 she is being abused by someone?
Reply Mon 20 Sep, 2010 11:38 am
I'm so sorry. That's a really horrifying thing to happen to your child.

I'm not sure you have any real recourse. My layperson understanding is that it is likely that the abuser was herself abused -- I think that usually something has to happen to cause a 7-year-old to do that kind of thing.

While it's legally/ ethically a bit muddy, I think you can go ahead and talk to the parents of the other girl who you are worried about and tell them your story.

Have you ever talked to the abuser's parents? I'm assuming they know what happened? It seems like it is their responsibility to do something about it/ get their daughter the help she needs.

Just as a mild aside... your daughter doesn't think being a lesbian is bad, does she? It seems like it would add a layer of complication to this whole thing. I'm sure that's being dealt with in counseling.

How long has she been in counseling?
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Reply Fri 30 Dec, 2011 12:53 pm
This was normal kid behavior, not abuse, so you should and will get no where claiming that this was abuse.

If your child's therapist is not working after a reasonable time then change therapists.

EDIT: Almost certainly the source of the problem is you, you are stressing about this and thus you are putting your kid in an impossible situation. If your therapist has not investigated this angle then certainly change therapists right away, as he/she is incompetent. A good therapist would have advised you to go into counselling as well, most productively with the same person who is talking to your daughter..
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Reply Fri 30 Dec, 2011 04:23 pm
It is a very positive sign that your daughter came forward and was able to tell you about what had been happening.

The ages make it not legally abuse unless the age of criminal responsibility in the state it happened in is unusually low....

That is not to deny that real emotional damage can occur.

Was the matter reported to local child welfare people or did you tell the other girls parents?

I would hope that it was and that the other child and family is being seen by someone skilled in working with children with problematic sexual behaviour. The causes of problematic sexual behaviour can be complex and difficult and a seven year old does not act with the same comprehension about what she is doing as an adult.

Your daughter is seeing someone. Are you also receiving skilled support? A major factor in your daughter's progress will be how able the important adults around her are to support her calmly and empathically without being overwhelmed.

You have also been clearly very distressed and I think it would be great for you to have your own space to get support for your own feelings.

Reply Fri 30 Dec, 2011 06:55 pm
dlowen +3 and me -3 for saying essentially the same thing......a nice sum up right there of the usefulness of the popularity metric in debate.
Reply Fri 30 Dec, 2011 07:01 pm
Have you really honestly examined what you actually said and how you said it?

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Reply Fri 30 Dec, 2011 07:05 pm
I'll give them both an upgrade for only being a year late.
Reply Fri 30 Dec, 2011 07:07 pm

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