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Incorrigible 16 Year Old

 
 
StevD
 
Reply Thu 2 Sep, 2010 01:36 pm
We have a 16 year old daughter who has been a runner for 3 years. This time, she stole about 2400.00 worth of property from us on her way out. We have done counseling, group homes, 72 hour holds, mental hospital stay, you name it, we've done it! We are considering signing our rights over to the state of TX. Our hesitation is that we have custody of my 2 year old grandson (since 2 months old, not her child) IF we sign rights over for her, will that in ANY way affect our custody of him? We are just out of ideas!
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 2,292 • Replies: 10
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JTT
 
  0  
Reply Thu 2 Sep, 2010 03:33 pm
@StevD,
Stick with her for a few more years, StevD, and you might just find out that she is a daughter.
Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Sep, 2010 03:38 pm
@StevD,
I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm sorry to hear about all this, and hope that over time it works out well for everyone involved.

Cycloptichorn
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 05:54 am
@StevD,
StevD wrote:

We have a 16 year old daughter who has been a runner for 3 years. This time, she stole about 2400.00 worth of property from us on her way out. We have done counseling, group homes, 72 hour holds, mental hospital stay, you name it, we've done it! We are considering signing our rights over to the state of TX. Our hesitation is that we have custody of my 2 year old grandson (since 2 months old, not her child) IF we sign rights over for her, will that in ANY way affect our custody of him? We are just out of ideas!

I read your post to my daughter who is bi-polar with borderling personality disorder... She reminded me things could be worse... Sounds like you have it worse... Change your locks... Get a PPO... If she streals from you, or threatens you, have her thrown in prison... She will usually live longer there and be happier than people in like condition on the street...

What is so hard is having the knowledge that if the law were not so intrusive then I might have had some authority with her, which might have been getting her to fear for her life; but kids learn so early to call 911, to think of themselves as having rights that it stunts their growth... With most kids you don't have to be super parent... Most kids with good enough parenting can figure things out... Parents of kids who are mentally ill need the authority to deal with them, and legal power cares for and protects its own prerogatives... Sooner or later my kid will be their problem, and IT won't help her, or me much, but I can say: This is what you asked for when you made me fear my own child and her ability to ruin me with the tool of law... Law does not work...
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  2  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 06:00 am
@JTT,
JTT wrote:

Stick with her for a few more years, StevD, and you might just find out that she is a daughter.

And you might find she is your murderer... No one with a mentally ill child can afford to have them treated, and when the ability to have your child fear you might help, law reserves the power to do all the real spanking... I am not going to deal with law... I am not going to have them come to my house, or have them drag me into court to defend actions that may well be deserved and when I should as a parent have the benefit of the doubt... If my kid wants to sic the law on me, she can raise herself, but as long as she is here we will have to fear her more than love her...She will find when it is too late that she has no rights worth considering, and all the law that once protected her from intensive parenting when it may have done some good will be happy to throw the book at her... What good is it??
StevD
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 09:17 am
@Fido,
That is our issue! We are out of avenues (within our budget)! We just REFUSE to live like this anymore! I have another child in my home that I am responsible for. I refuse to throw him under the bus to fight her, the system and anyone else who desires to get involved!
@ JTT - When you have walked a mile, or even half, in my shoes, you can judge me.
@ Fido - It seems that you are on the same roller coaster as me (albeit, smaller)! Good luck to you!
@ Anyone else - I still need an answer to my question of how our decision to sign her over to the state will effect our custody of our 2 year old grandson?
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 09:57 am
All I can say is, contact a Family Law attorney, see if you can qualify for Legal Aid or reduced rates if you need to. Initial consultations are usually free in the United States. You need advice and guidance from a competent professional on this one.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 10:24 am
Anything is possible so jespah's advice is perfect -- talk to a family law attorney.

That said, I had a friend who placed one of her children in theraputic foster care and it didn't interfere with the custody of her other child.

I have known several minors that have filed for emancipation from their families. That might be an option for your daughter. In all of those cases except for one, the family mended their fences and are close now.

On the brighter side -- your daughter sounds very, very much like my niece. She nearly bankrupted my sister with her bullshit, especially after the insurance company cancelled their policy. Eventually she got busted on a felony drug charge and my sister said she thought jail was the best place for her. My other sister bailed her out. There was a lot of family discord for years and years and years (and there is still some now).
Now said niece has a couple of kids, a good job, and a house in the suburbs. She's still a total drama queen but we can all live with that.

Simply growing up cures a lot of problems but it won't cure mental illness. If that's your daughter's problem I hope she finds the help she needs. She might be able to do that through the state as an emancipated minor but the budget being what it is I wouldn't count on that.
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 11:10 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

All I can say is, contact a Family Law attorney, see if you can qualify for Legal Aid or reduced rates if you need to. Initial consultations are usually free in the United States. You need advice and guidance from a competent professional on this one.

agreed, but if you even go to a probate judge, he may be able to help you out... Most kids of that age can be emancipated... At 17, most children can be charged as adults..No one wants to see natural relationships come to an end... It is like the advice in a Clint Eastwood movie to never argue at dinner time because the one with the least appetite always wins... Too often, the one with the most desire for the relationship is the one raked over the coals...
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 02:54 pm
@StevD,
Quote:
@ JTT - When you have walked a mile, or even half, in my shoes, you can judge me.


You make the assumption that I am judging you, StevD. If you are confused and I have no doubt that you are, you've admitted as much, and no doubt these trying times aren't helping, think what that sixteen year old is going through.

You haven't reached the stage where you are doing all sorts of dumb things like she is.

In the final analysis, you are the adult and adults don't always act adult like. We're good at admonishing, at restricting, at disciplining, at ... , but we [adults] are often not all that good at listening, really listening.

I think that when you feel that you've reached the end of your rope, you can probably reach inside and find a few more coils lying about, ready for use.

Of course, I can't know everything about this situation, hence my initial advice. I kinda feel that it's always best to err on the side of kids; not that I'm saying I know you're not doing that.

And I know it sounds trite but time is really helpful; just hanging in there could do a lot for your daughter.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 3 Sep, 2010 03:10 pm
If anything, once you explain that you have been forced (by her choice, not yours) to emacipate your daughter so that you can provide a calm, sane home for the 2 year old, then wise heads will prevail.

I would be worried about a 2 year old living in the same home as an out of control person. I have a feeling that's what social services will think, too.

Good luck, my heart aches for you.

0 Replies
 
 

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